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Thread: Private online life of bf, am I overreacting?

  1. #1
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    Private online life of bf, am I overreacting?

    I[25F] have been with my bf[25M] for a bit more than one year. We are a long distance couple but I'm moving to be with him soon. We have the most amazing time together and I learned a lot from being with him. I can really see our future together and everything is great except that he REALLY wants to keep his social media(more like any website you can follow/write like Twitter, Youtube, Reddit, etc..) private from me. We already talked about this since I was very skeptical why he needs to keep it as a secret if he's not doing anything sketchy as he's saying. We ended in a good term, I still don't know his social media but he understands why I felt like he's keeping secrets from me and reassured that he's not hiding anything, it's just his preference.

    One time, I accidentally found out his Twitch account while watching a stream with him. We had a talk about it and I thought he doesn't really care about me knowing. However, I found out that he made a new account while pretending he's still using the old account. I thought I was over this and I was truly okay with not knowing his internet life but him needing to open a brand new account makes me feel very..weird. One side of me is saying "It's his business and everyone wants their own thing(including myself)" and the other side is saying "Why does he have to do this much to hide things from me". If I'm being 100% honest, I built some distrust because of it and I wish I can talk to him about this but I don't want to keep having the same conversations about the same thing over and over again. Am I overreacting or is it legit to be concerned?
    Last edited by lililiah; 02-10-2019 at 06:57 PM.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    All I can say is this: As long as you are losing trust, then you have no relationship. You will forever be wondering, needing to know, needing to check up on him in some form or another. It will ever work and drive you crazy. To me, the writing is already on the wall and I can only strongly advise, whatever you do, do NOT move to be with him - not yet, anyway. You MUST sort out ALL issues, no matter how small, before moving from your home to be with him. I think it would be very very foolish to make such a big move when you already have red flags waving all over the place.

    When in doubt ... DON'T. Without trust, you have nothing.

  3. #3
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    Define "we have the most amazing time together."

    On line?

    Or have you met in person?

    If you've never met, it's highly likely you are not the only woman he's carrying on with on line and this is why he does not want you to have access to his social media.

    And it may be likely even if you have met and spent time in person.

    Making the new account while pretending to only have the old one is extremely deceptive imo.

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    In person and online too. We both play games so we spend a lot of time together playing games or just talking. We do frequent visits to each other and already met each others families. He showed me his Twitter in person on his will to look at things together and from the interactions we had so far I decided that this is not a big deal and I can trust him on it. My question to Capricorn3 is let's say that I take some time to digest this and I'm okay with it like how I used to be. Should I still bring it up or is it something that I can let go?

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  6. #5
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    I have no interest in being able to access my husband's twitter account. My husband has never asked to access my facebook or linkedin account. It would be bizarre in our relationship if either of us asked the other. But no I would not be comfortable with my spouse/SO having additional secret accounts like that -just would make me uncomfortable.

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    I think what makes me feel weird is not the fact that he want's his privacy, it's the fact that he made a new account and following the same/some new people on it while making it look like he's still using the old one.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lililiah
    I think what makes me feel weird is not the fact that he want's his privacy, it's the fact that he made a new account and following the same/some new people on it while making it look like he's still using the old one.
    I have no need to be into any of my husband's computer stuff nor does he have any to be in mine but your boyfriend sounds sketchy in his need to keep all his stuff private from you. Like I said, we have no need (or want) to be in others stuff but if one of us wanted to be, neither of us would give a *&%+*. Your boyfriend goes out of his way to make sure you can't follow him even... to me that is odd.

    Like Capricorn has mentioned... if you can't trust him (I understand why you can't) then maybe you're with the wrong man.???

  9. #8
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Honestly, I think itís ridiculous. The internet is anything but private, so if this is a matter of ďprivacyĒ, I call bullsh*t.

    If he didnít want you to have his passwords to log into his accounts, thatís one thing. But not even letting you see his page that is posted on the internet?? Thatís absurd, and deceptive, and I would not be interested in pursuing something with so much secrecy.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    Just to clarify, are you able to see his feeds at all? Is he not adding you as a Facebook friend or follower on Twitter etc?

    Or did he add you and you want access to his passwords etc.?

    If it's the first one I would find that very suspicious. Especially if he is going out of his way to create fake accounts. Anyone that does that definitely has something to hide. I would walk away if it was me.

    If he just won't give you his passwords then that is another thing entirely.

  11. #10
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    What I meant by "private" is meaning that I don't know what his account is at all. I don't know his username or id so I don't even know his page. He doesn't have facebook but he activated it once to show me his old pictures and stuff. I personally don't need or want his password to anything and have no interest in any of his online activities because I simply don't care enough. This only caught my attention because he was being so secretive about it.

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