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Thread: My gf stayed in contact with a guy she shouldn't have

  1. #1
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    My gf stayed in contact with a guy she shouldn't have

    My gf stayed in contact and was friends with a guy she was flirting with and sexting before me. They had not had sex or met privately. The guy had a gf at the time which she knew about and had met her briefly. They met at work and were in contact. They messaged eachother (I knew they were messaging, but didn't know the past info). I believe she was in love with me at the time we were dating and didn't have any other feelings for this guy. None of their conversations after we became exclusive were inappropiate.

    She has said she never had any feelings for him. That he was there at the right time to give her self esteem after she had ended an abusive relationship. I'm hurt by this and feel betrayed. I had contact with this guy he was friendly to me, but now i question his intentions.

    She is extrenely sorry and has stopped all communication with him. I'm disappointed she has lied and that she got involved with another man who was in a relationship even if she was single at the time. Please give advice.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She lied and enabled cheating. Are these deal breakers for you? If yes, then it's best to break up. If on the other hand you feel that you can get past this then you can forgive her, agree on boundaries regarding such situations and move on. How did you find out about it?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    I think the fact that she was willing to engage in sexting with a guy who she knew was in a relationship is very concerning. I would be asking her questions about why/how she was able to rationalize that as something that was okay to do.

    Beyond that, if she wants to maintain a friendship with someone she met before you, who are you to say anything about it? You said nothing in their texts was inappropriate once she became exclusive with you, she volunteered to share her history with this guy (which was none of your business by the way), so why are you trying to control who she talks to or texts? You’re not her boss.

    Also, what did she lie about?? Nothing in your post suggests she lied?? If she chose not to divulge her history with the guy prior to you asking, that’s not lying. That is HER past, which is HER business. She can share with you what she wants to, but you are not entitled to know all of her history. If she decides she doesn’t want to share personal/intimate details about her past, she’s fully within her rights not to share. Either you trust that she’s going to be faithful and respectful now that she’s exclusive with you, or you don’t date her.

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    She said she aas vulnerablw after a break up. That she saw it as he was hurting his gf not her. The fact that the guy tried to befriend me and that we would of ended socialising together all as friends concerns me.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You either have to get over it or break up. You also need to stop snooping, interrogating and judging things that happened well before you came about and that have nothing to do with you and can't be changed. At this point you are simply holding it over her head in an almost abusive power hungry fashion.
    Originally Posted by Matbon
    Me and my gf have been going out for close to a year. I found out that before i was involved that she was messaging a taken man who was her sports coach. They never had sex.

    When she started dating me she stopped all the flirting and only spoke to him about training.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Why would that concern you?? He’s been nothing but respectful of you and your relationship. There is nothing there for you to be concerned about. Their past is the past, and you don’t have the right to hold anyone’s past over their head.

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    Originally Posted by indea08
    Why would that concern you?? He’s been nothing but respectful of you and your relationship. There is nothing there for you to be concerned about. Their past is the past, and you don’t have the right to hold anyone’s past over their head.
    You don't see the problem between me, my gf, the fella and the girl he cheated on sitting around a table socialising when I'm none the wiser what's gone on before?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    No, not at all. Just because people had sex in their lifetime doesn’t mean they can’t ever be around each other without ripping their clothes off. I can see this bothering an immature 17 year old, but not a mature adult.

    Who gives a sh*t what has gone on BEFORE?? What matters is that she’s being respectful NOW. Leave the past in the past or be prepared to live with insecurity.

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    Originally Posted by indea08
    No, not at all. Just because people had sex in their lifetime doesn’t mean they can’t ever be around each other without ripping their clothes off. I can see this bothering an immature 17 year old, but not a mature adult.

    Who gives a sh*t what has gone on BEFORE?? What matters is that she’s being respectful NOW. Leave the past in the past or be prepared to live with insecurity.
    They didn't have sex. I just think it's extremely insensitive to sit there in front of me and a guys gf that you did something pretty nasty too and laugh, joke and socialise like nothing happened.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Well then you are going to have a lot of stress in your life over past incidents that no one can go back and change. Everyone has a past, there’s no point in punishing people for them.

    Now that you’ve been made aware, all that has happened is you have become insecure and controlling, your gf has her past held over her head, and your trust/relationship has become rocky. She never should have told you, it wasn’t your business and you wouldn’t be feeling this way. Maybe you’d even have a new friend (the guy). There’s no point in all this drama, life goes on, let it go.

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