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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #61
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    Deleted -- sorry changed mind.

  2. #62
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Deleted -- sorry changed mind.
    Inquiring minds want to know!

  3. #63
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Inquiring minds want to know!
    I know and I dislike doing that, truly.

    But I posted impulsively and soon thereafter realized it would serve absolutely no good purpose.

    Please know it was not in response to anything you posted, and I thank you for responding! :)

  4. #64
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    It was an open question.

    It's interesting - you would, B wouldn't - but B also mentioned an exchange of phone numbers, and the guy saying "I'll call", rather than the guy (only) providing his, which changes the dynamic.

    Maybe at the end of the day, my hypothetical party guy is more compatible with a lady who will take the initiative.
    Oh but I did take the initiative - I showed interest during the party or singles event and if he discussed wanting to get together I would give him my number. If he insisted on exchanging numbers that was fine but yes I expected him to call (this was before I had a cell phone -now I think people text each other the number or something) -no I wouldn't "take the initiative" by calling because if I was interested I'd already taken the initiative by showing interest during our talk, telling him I'd like to see him again, giving him my number. No, I did not want to go on a date with a guy who, after all that, didn't want to put in the effort to call me and ask me out on a date. I didn't generally ask out men back then -especially in the early stages- because I was looking for marriage and found it wasn't an effective way to find a good match that way.

    Yes, I would have called first if it wasn't about dating -if it was a common interest/activity, if he asked me to call him for a specific reason (i.e. we'd already made a plan and there was some reason I should call about the tickets, etc -or if I was the one who had to check my schedule). Yes, on at least one occoasion I did call a guy once who I met at a bar -I was 19, he was in his early 20s and starting law school the next week. I was really into him and 19 lol. I called him and he blew me off despite being really interested that night. I was fine with it. 5 years later I had to call him from my place of business for a professional reason (not to be my lawyer lol) - I recognized the name -total coincidence - and I had fun making him wonder if anything had happened that night because he sort of remembered my name lol. I was fine with being "rejected" and not sorry I called but once he didn't have my number or call me I knew it was likely a non-starter. No biggie.

    Oh -second example - I called a guy who I met on a singles weekend who offered to drive me home. His car broke down during the drive I think and I think I ended up getting a ride from someone else (fuzzy on details). I did like him that way and I called him to find out if all went ok with his car (no I did not leave him stranded at all!) and yes I also called hoping he'd ask me out -he really appreciated it and asked me out . We went out four times. His interest in me was always lukewarm at best. I think if he'd been that into me he'd have asked me out during the drive.

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  6. #65
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh but I did take the initiative - I showed interest during the party or singles event and if he discussed wanting to get together I would give him my number. If he insisted on exchanging numbers that was fine but yes I expected him to call (this was before I had a cell phone -now I think people text each other the number or something) -no I wouldn't "take the initiative" by calling because if I was interested I'd already taken the initiative by showing interest during our talk, telling him I'd like to see him again, giving him my number. No, I did not want to go on a date with a guy who, after all that, didn't want to put in the effort to call me and ask me out on a date. I didn't generally ask out men back then -especially in the early stages- because I was looking for marriage and found it wasn't an effective way to find a good match that way.

    Yes, I would have called first if it wasn't about dating -if it was a common interest/activity, if he asked me to call him for a specific reason (i.e. we'd already made a plan and there was some reason I should call about the tickets, etc -or if I was the one who had to check my schedule). Yes, on at least one occoasion I did call a guy once who I met at a bar -I was 19, he was in his early 20s and starting law school the next week. I was really into him and 19 lol. I called him and he blew me off despite being really interested that night. I was fine with it. 5 years later I had to call him from my place of business for a professional reason (not to be my lawyer lol) - I recognized the name -total coincidence - and I had fun making him wonder if anything had happened that night because he sort of remembered my name lol. I was fine with being "rejected" and not sorry I called but once he didn't have my number or call me I knew it was likely a non-starter. No biggie.

    Oh -second example - I called a guy who I met on a singles weekend who offered to drive me home. His car broke down during the drive I think and I think I ended up getting a ride from someone else (fuzzy on details). I did like him that way and I called him to find out if all went ok with his car (no I did not leave him stranded at all!) and yes I also called hoping he'd ask me out -he really appreciated it and asked me out . We went out four times. His interest in me was always lukewarm at best. I think if he'd been that into me he'd have asked me out during the drive.
    I agree. If a guy does all that and gives me his number, the ball is more than in my court and Iíll call.

  7. #66
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh but I did take the initiative - I showed interest during the party or singles event and if he discussed wanting to get together I would give him my number. If he insisted on exchanging numbers that was fine but yes I expected him to call
    My hypothetical party guy would have taken that as interest enough.

    But what if circumstances intervened, and it never advanced to the stage he devoloped the cojones to throw out that maybe you could get together?

    It's the compatibility thing. Maybe you (hypothetical) persons where not meant to get there.

  8. #67
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    People who do the picking are more successful than the people being picked.

    I think the flaw with this gentleman's strategy is he will only end up with women who are in to him. That shouldn't be enough for someone. It's only one dimension, one quality. If two women are interested in this man, and he chooses the one that approaches him, he implicitly rejects the other. The other may be twice or four times the woman. And he's missing out because of some narrow criteria he's convinced himself works. In effect the only thing he can say about his method is, it ensures the only women he will ever end up with are women who approached him first. They may turn out to be wonderful, but he's intentionally narrowing his dating pool over some dubious criteria.

    Yes it feels good to be wanted. But on its own, that seems frivolous to give so much weight to. I don't think the guy lacks courage, though he might, I think he lacks good judgement.

    If his mum didn't approach his dad, she may have ended up with a better partner. His logic his kind of loose.

    In my experience I have been approached quite a bit. Mostly online. I don't make judgements about women based on the fact they approached me first. All it tells me is that they were interested enough, and usually confident enough to fire off the first email. It's really that simple. I don't psychoanalyse, or pretend to know their personality type and motivations because they send a first email.

  9. #68
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    Originally Posted by Sportster2005
    I don't make judgements about women based on the fact they approached me first. All it tells me is that they were interested enough, and usually confident enough to fire off the first email.
    I certainly agree with that, but hypothetical party guy likes that confident woman.

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    My hypothetical party guy would have taken that as interest enough.

    But what if circumstances intervened, and it never advanced to the stage he devoloped the cojones to throw out that maybe you could get together?

    It's the compatibility thing. Maybe you (hypothetical) persons where not meant to get there.
    If he didn't express interest in seeing me again I would not call him with very rare exception (like the guy whose car broke down -I wouldn't have expected him, while he was focused on getting assistance with the car, to say more than goodbye to me) - I only would call if I there was a specific reason to follow up -i.e. he'd asked me to connect him with someone for networking purposes or something like that -then it would be rude of me not to follow up on my promise. I see that as me investing my time wisely -not me being passive in any way. And if he did express interest in seeing me again I would hope that unless there were highly unusual intervening circumstances -that he would follow up on that expression of interest by making sure he could get in touch with me again. Otherwise it's just words.

  11. #70
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    But if he gave you his phone number and said he hopes to hear from you, isnít that clear?

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