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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    So, hypothetically - we met at a mutual friend's party, or perhaps a work function.

    I paid you attention for an hour or two, hopefully I was humorous and interesting, I got you a couple of drinks, gave you my number ... then I moved on.

    Are you going to call me? Personally I think I have shown enough interest - time to let you think on it and get in touch - if you want.

    Where is your cut off point to dial my number?
    No, I personally would not have called but if we met that way you would know that already. So if we exchanged numbers and you said "I'll call you" - I would have said "that would be great -looking forward". If you didn't say that I would not have called you. I would have assumed you weren't interested in keeping in touch

    Here's a story -in 1985 I met a really nice guy at dinner one night -he was my friend's friend older brother. He was very shy and reserved. And older than me (I was 19, he was 24) We chatted and I mentioned how much I liked going out dancing (hint hint). Then we said goodnight. A day later I asked my friend if she'd heard any feedback. Nope . A few days after that I get a call at the daycare center where I worked then. I'd pointed to the office building I worked in to this guy and the name of the center must have been outside the building. He- in 1985- figured out the name of the center, got the number, knew my first name and called me there - when I received the call I had no clue who it was because honestly I'd put him out of my mind. He persisted in reminding me till i remembered. We dated for over a year -lovely person. And like I said -shy and reserved -and because he was interested he did whatever it took to get in touch and express interest.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by Batya33

    I never did internet dating.
    Bat, what you did is precisely what Internet dating is. Not to be confused with "cyber relationships" which are different.

    OLD, on line dating, Internet dating - it's all the same no matter how it's referred to, "meeting" on line, a brief chat to determine if there is an interest to meet in person.

    After you meet in person, you determine if there is an interest for a date.

    These different terms and words, I don't quite get all the analyzation of what they mean in a literal sense.

    Meet/date, it's all the same! And I am fairly certain that those who choose to "on line date" know what's happening too.

    Even if they choose to chat for a bit before meeting, most know it may all fizzle after you meet in person.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-11-2019 at 11:18 AM.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Bat, what you did is precisely what Internet dating is. Not to be confused with "cyber relationships" which are different.

    OLD, on line dating, Internet dating - it's all the same no matter how it's referred to, "meeting" on line, a brief chat to determine if there is an interest to meet in person.

    After you meet in person, you determine if there is an interest for a date.

    These different terms and words, I don't quite get all the analyzation of what they mean in a literal sense.

    Meet/date, it's all the same! And I am fairly certain that those who choose to "on line date" know what's happening too.

    Even if they choose to chat for a bit before meeting, most know it may all fizzle after you meet in person.
    I don't agree with you and that is not how it worked for me. To me the only reason it was a good experience overall was because I was careful to have the mindset that was the most effective to meet for a potentially serious relationship leading to marriage -and I described what that mindset was in previous posts. Certainly people who meet through dating sites for other purposes - casual dating, sex, friendship, an online chhat buddy, sexting, etc. may have entirely different mindsets and approaches - no one size fits all.

    And for context I met strangers for dating purposes in other ways -blind dates, set ups where I had seen the person in real life before but we needed someone to arrange a real introduction, written personal ads. I never went to a matchmaker or did speed dating but considered both and had friends who did both.

  4. #54
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    Ok fair enough, so do you think "dating sites" or "dating aps" should be changed to "meeting sites/aps"?

    Since it's not really dating? But meeting to see if there is an interest to date?

    Just curious. :)

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  6. #55
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Ok fair enough, so do you think "dating sites" or "dating aps" should be changed to "meeting sites/aps"?

    Since it's not really dating? But meeting to see if there is an interest to date?

    Just curious. :)
    I don't care what they are called - if you read what I wrote I was referring to a mindset not words. I wrote that a few times in a few posts. And many people use those apps just for sexual arrangements or friends or online friends or sexting so "dating" is as good a shorthand as anything.

  7. #56
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    Blue castle, I tried to rep you but I have to spread it around. I appreciate the thoughtful reply. I genuinely wanted your thoughts on it as I felt like you could provide an unique perspective. And you did. I understand your viewpoint much better now.

    Fio, I'm glad you chimed in. It's interesting hearing all viewpoints.
    I'm having some trouble with articulating exactly why I have a bone to pick with your 'these are our natural cavemen instincts: men to chase, women to be chased' theory. I think I just don't want to stray too far from the original topic, and diving into whether that's a fact or belief system may do that. Suffice it to say, I'm not content with assuming that is our true nature .

  8. #57
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    So, hypothetically - we met at a mutual friend's party, or perhaps a work function.

    I paid you attention for an hour or two, hopefully I was humorous and interesting, I got you a couple of drinks, gave you my number ... then I moved on.

    Are you going to call me? Personally I think I have shown enough interest - time to let you think on it and get in touch - if you want.

    Where is your cut off point to dial my number?
    Is that question to me? If so, yes, I'd probably call you. I doubt I'd stick around the whole hour or two if I wasn't interested at all!

  9. #58
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    I would prefer the man to do the asking and approaching. I have found that when I have been a bigger aggressor (not a lot, I'm not that bold or confident), I attract men who are marginally interested, aloof, have nothing better to do. This guy who never approaches in the OP...it works for him. He manages a system, and it's his litmus test, so to speak. That's fine. I don't have any judgement over this. He might miss out on something great the same way women who don't approach first can miss out as well. It is what it is. I have a couple past incidences where I wish I grew a pair and did the asking. I will never know what could have happened.

    With online dating, I don't have issue stressing meeting...the first date or meet...whatever verbiage you desire. I've been locked into perpetual texting and I'm not interested in that any longer. I don't want to plan a long date, dinner, or activity on that first date or meet, but if things go well, it could certainly expand to that or anything else. Point being, you don't want to be locked into a long, drawn out date/meet with someone who turns out to be a mistake. A drink/coffee/app/happy hour...whatever...short and see where it goes.

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Is that question to me? If so, yes, I'd probably call you. I doubt I'd stick around the whole hour or two if I wasn't interested at all!
    It was an open question.

    It's interesting - you would, B wouldn't - but B also mentioned an exchange of phone numbers, and the guy saying "I'll call", rather than the guy (only) providing his, which changes the dynamic.

    Maybe at the end of the day, my hypothetical party guy is more compatible with a lady who will take the initiative.

  11. #60
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    Originally Posted by purplepaisley

    With online dating, I don't have issue stressing meeting...the first date or meet...whatever verbiage you desire. I've been locked into perpetual texting and I'm not interested in that any longer. I don't want to plan a long date, dinner, or activity on that first date or meet, but if things go well, it could certainly expand to that or anything else. Point being, you don't want to be locked into a long, drawn out date/meet with someone who turns out to be a mistake. A drink/coffee/app/happy hour...whatever...short and see where it goes.
    Agree with all of that.

    I had a friend who played golf. He "met" (*by which I mean they messaged each other on a dating site) a lady who also played, and suggested they go and play golf. If it was a no-go, at least he got a game in. (And they went out for a couple of years!)

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