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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Why would you ask out a stranger you've never met before and why would he ask you out?
    Internet dating, Batya.

    You only have to meet over coffee for 20 minutes to work out whether it has a future.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dias
    It goes both ways! The same applies for women or people in general.
    Right. I am someone who goes after what she wants.

    However, I prefer a guy who can and does stand up to me. Not someone passive.

  3. #43
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    So, hypothetically - we met at a mutual friend's party, or perhaps a work function.

    I paid you attention for an hour or two, hopefully I was humorous and interesting, I got you a couple of drinks, gave you my number ... then I moved on.

    Are you going to call me? Personally I think I have shown enough interest - time to let you think on it and get in touch - if you want.

    Where is your cut off point to dial my number?

  4. #44
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    It is a good idea otherwise you get a limited choice. However beware of flakey, lazy men who aren't really invested.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Internet dating, Batya.

    You only have to meet over coffee for 20 minutes to work out whether it has a future.
    Agree and I think when you meet on line, when one or the other refers to "asking them out," (on a date) they simply mean "let's meet."

    Obviously, you are strangers and it's not a "date" (in the standard sense) and even of one refers to it as a "date" it's not be taken literally - it's a "meet."

    First meet/date, I've heard it described both ways, who cares what it's called, both know what's going on -- they're meeting to see if there is a click in person.

  7. #46
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    I just read this on another thread, it's interesting and furthers the point about meet/date.

    ".....so couple of a weeks ago, I met this guy online. We clicked pretty well, had good conversations so we decided to meet up for a date. "

    So the poster described it both ways, but both knew what it was, a first "meet."

    They're just words -- internet lingo if you will.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-11-2019 at 10:08 AM.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I'm not BC but I would like to respond saying as much as we evolved were still creatures who have a drive to procreate for survival of our species. Put a bunch of women together in a house for a few months their periods still sync up. Were still bound by our caveman drives.

    Men like to chase, women like to be chased.

    HUGE variations to this core dance, but I think many still sometimes even subconsciously follow it, its just where our society is at this point in time.

    Even with that being said, I think women should still have no problem approaching a man.

    Those women who refuse to approach men probably aren't just getting attention from thirsty dudes, but they probably have a more limited dating life. Not as much as a man would because...society...it is different, hes going to attract unhealthy women, if he lucks into attracting a well balanced one she will run. Typically an outward hang up hides a closet full of skeletons.
    Thanks for chiming in FIO, and agree however blue admittedly does not follow "caveman" mentality and is quite a progressive thinker and doer.

    So a bit surprised by his response, and looking forward to his further response to itsallgrand.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I just read this on another thread, it's interesting and furthers the point about meet/date.

    ".....so couple of a weeks ago, I met this guy online. We clicked pretty well, had good conversations so we decided to meet up for a date. "

    So the poster described it both ways, but both knew what it was, a first "meet."

    They're just words -- internet lingo if you will.
    Yes I'm fine with the words not fine with thinking of it as being asked out or asking a man out on a date because then women will default to the more traditional rules, waste a lot of time texting with a stranger waiting to be "asked out" when instead they should let him ask them out if they want -after they actually meet -so get the meet on the calendar ASAP unless there's some reason you enjoy texting with a stranger or you don't really want to date and want an excuse like "well no one "asks me out""

  10. #49
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Internet dating, Batya.

    You only have to meet over coffee for 20 minutes to work out whether it has a future.
    I never did internet dating. I met people in person through dating sites and never "dated online" or pretended to. To me it was a mindset difference. And yes sometimes we just met for 45 minutes. Only a few times was it less -one time when we met the day we first chatted and the person I met was completely unlike the person I spoke to so I ended it ASAP. Another time he showed up looking disheveled and basically on drugs so I wouldn't go into the restaurant we chose, took him to a bookstore cafe in the building and left as soon as it was polite to do so.

  11. #50
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Blue castle, curious if you would feel the same way about the ladies that sometimes post here about refusing to approach a man ? Are they all about getting attention from the thirsty dudes? :)
    To answer this simply: yeah, sure, of course.

    I think that when people talk loftily about a desire for "connection" they're often just talking about a desire to be, well, desired. To have their thirst quenched. To be the object of thirst. To feel wanted.

    As a result, I think a lot of people of both genders mistake being desired for genuine connection, because their goal of dating, like the phantom man at the heart of this thread, is to feel desired. These are people who, on dates, are less focused on the person in front of them than on whether or not that person is going to kiss them in an hour, have sex with them in a day.

    It's all thirst, or at least a dynamic where thirst is front and center. It's why people create these little games and rules, and it's why we see numerous threads on here from people deeply thrown by a Bumble chat that goes cold, a first date that doesn't lead to a second, a one night stand that fails to metastasize into future stands.

    What's throwing them, really? It's not really the loss of a connection, though that's the nice story to tell. It's the loss of feeling desired. It's their own thirst, which is to say their own insecurity—sated and muted, for a moment, now exposed again.

    Like, this guy, or his female counterpart: If your initial point of entry is to feel desired/wanted, and if you're thinking this much about approaching or being standoffish, I'd say it's because, alone, in a void, you don't feel genuinely desirable. Which is to say that, alone in the void, you are way too thirsty. You need your desirability validated, and you're creating as fool-proof a system as possible to get that validation.

    So maybe this guy is "successful," meaning he's figured out a few moves that work for him, no different than the woman who "refuses" to approach and has had that refusal rewarded by being approached. Still, this kind of success is inherently limited, since it's built on a clever way of masking and sating insecurity/thirst, of making it all read (to a certain subset of the opposite sex) as confidence, mystery.

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