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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    It's not, but the idea of a man who refuses to approach, who will never approach, even when she is sending clear signals she would like him to approach, is noteworthy and yes a novelty.
    But that makes no sense at all - I mean nothing to do with dating -would he not approach a potential friend in that scenario? Why play that kind of game?

  2. #32
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But that makes no sense at all - I mean nothing to do with dating -would he not approach a potential friend in that scenario? Why play that kind of game?
    In fairness, why wouldn't she?

    But I do agree. I'd give kudos to either the man or the woman in that scenario if they were to be the one to actually take initiative. But insofar as both of them are sitting there and twiddling their thumbs, waiting on the other to make the move, I'd consider them both equally embarrassing.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    But that makes no sense at all - I mean nothing to do with dating -would he not approach a potential friend in that scenario? Why play that kind of game?
    He (guy I've been referring to) literally needs to feel desired to feel attracted - he said this.

    Many women do as well!

    And to him, the way a woman demonstrates her desire/interest is by being the first to approach.

    Many women feel this way as well.

    I would imagine friendship is different cause with friendship there is no sexual desire.

    Itsallgrand posted a great question to bluecastle, perhaps he's off line but still waiting for him to answer.

    I still think this guy may have been trolling though.

    A female poster had said, no way would she ever approach a man first, even if he was sending strong signals he wanted her to.

    And he chimed back saying "so you would lose the opportunity to meet the possible love of your life because of some outdated notion that men should approach first?"

    I am not a member there so can't post, but if I were, I would have chimed back -- "could not the same be true of you as well? You would lose the opp to meet the possible love of your life, cause you absolutely refuse to approach first?"

    Seemed like he was trying to make some sort of "statement" about the double standard or something, but that's just speculation..

    Who knows, I just found it interesting so decided to create a thread about it.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-10-2019 at 10:25 PM.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Basically I think if we want to make the most of dating and increasing options, we should all do more approaching!

    You find someone attractive, strike up a casual conversation, see where it leads.
    It’s funny you say this because I was on another forum saying how I find it so difficult to online date because so many men just keep texting and never take action and ask me out, so I end up asking them out. So many people, esp women, chimed in to say to never ask out guys on dating sites; wait for them to ask you out. 4-5 women claimed they’ve never had to ask anyone on the dating sites out cause the guys ALWAYS do the asking. I find that to be a little BS —always, really?? I’m not having that experience at all lol!

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  6. #35
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    I'm so effed up! Owning it, lol
    Lolol...oh god, Katrina, your honesty and humility is seriously one of the best things about you!

  7. #36
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    He (guy I've been referring to) literally needs to feel desired to feel attracted - he said this.

    Many women do as well!

    And to him, the way a woman demonstrates her desire/interest is by being the first to approach.

    Many women feel this way as well.

    I would imagine friendship is different cause with friendship there is no sexual desire.

    Itsallgrand posted a great question to bluecastle, perhaps he's off line but still waiting for him to answer.

    I still think this guy may have been trolling though.

    A female poster had said, no way would she ever approach a man first, even if he was sending strong signals he wanted her to.

    And he chimed back saying "so you would lose the opportunity to meet the possible love of your life because of some outdated notion that men should approach first?"

    I am not a member there so can't post, but if I were, I would have chimed back -- "could not the same be true of you as well? You would lose the opp to meet the possible love of your life, cause you absolutely refuse to approach first?"

    Seemed like he was trying to make some sort of "statement" about the double standard or something, but that's just speculation..

    Who knows, I just found it interesting so decided to create a thread about it.
    You may be right.

    These ideals are always based on a desirable individual approaching you.

    Man or woman it may be flattering but you arent suddenly going to fall in love because a random person asked you out. I HONESTLY wished thats how dating and attraction worked, I would have been married to Brad Pitt years ago...

    I just see it as a hang up. Man or woman. Youre losing out if you dont take at least some initiative.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Blue castle, curious if you would feel the same way about the ladies that sometimes post here about refusing to approach a man ? Are they all about getting attention from the thirsty dudes? :)
    I'm not BC but I would like to respond saying as much as we evolved were still creatures who have a drive to procreate for survival of our species. Put a bunch of women together in a house for a few months their periods still sync up. Were still bound by our caveman drives.

    Men like to chase, women like to be chased.

    HUGE variations to this core dance, but I think many still sometimes even subconsciously follow it, its just where our society is at this point in time.

    Even with that being said, I think women should still have no problem approaching a man.

    Those women who refuse to approach men probably aren't just getting attention from thirsty dudes, but they probably have a more limited dating life. Not as much as a man would because...society...it is different, hes going to attract unhealthy women, if he lucks into attracting a well balanced one she will run. Typically an outward hang up hides a closet full of skeletons.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    It’s funny you say this because I was on another forum saying how I find it so difficult to online date because so many men just keep texting and never take action and ask me out, so I end up asking them out. So many people, esp women, chimed in to say to never ask out guys on dating sites; wait for them to ask you out. 4-5 women claimed they’ve never had to ask anyone on the dating sites out cause the guys ALWAYS do the asking. I find that to be a little BS —always, really?? I’m not having that experience at all lol!
    Interesting topic in general terms.

    I see those guys DMP refers to as having shown interest and allowing the woman to approach as not wanting to invest a lot of time with someone who is possibly/probably chatting to 10 other guys as well. "Let her make her mind up". I don't think this is limited to on line dating, either.

    A female friend told me that when a man she is interested in does that - enough quality communication to show he's interested, but without pestering, or asking for a date - she finds that more attractive, not less. She also told me that if she has a couple of dates, but says she's not sure, can they be friends for a while blah blah - if the guy says no thanks, you know where to find me if you want me, that she finds that [expletive omitted] attractive.

    Not all ladies will think the same way of course.

    Personally, I think the guy Kat80 wrote about is advancing a rather extreme position (and could well be trolling).

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    It’s funny you say this because I was on another forum saying how I find it so difficult to online date because so many men just keep texting and never take action and ask me out, so I end up asking them out. So many people, esp women, chimed in to say to never ask out guys on dating sites; wait for them to ask you out. 4-5 women claimed they’ve never had to ask anyone on the dating sites out cause the guys ALWAYS do the asking. I find that to be a little BS —always, really?? I’m not having that experience at all lol!
    Why would you ask out a stranger you've never met before and why would he ask you out? It's not a date -you're meeting to see if in the future there should be a date (and then yes it's preferable the man do the asking out on a date). I never wasted my time messaging/texting (with one exception where we messaged a long time before meeting - it wasn't a mistake but it wasn't a good approach either for me - and we just messaged/emailed/called -I had no cell phone) - I wanted marriage so if the guy wasn't up for meeting after a few messages and a phone call I moved on. Most of the time he suggested a first meet after the first phone call and if he didn't I did. Typically what followed was one more phone call to confirm then we met -usually within a week or so.
    If a man asks you to meet through a dating site he is not asking you out on a date. You are a complete stranger to him and he has no idea if he'll be attracted to you in person (with looks being a small factor -I'm referring more to the other essentials to chemistry -body language/energy, how you carry yourself, eye contact and at least for me how he treats others in public. I'm not sure why women feel "asked out" by a stranger on a dating site as if it's some kind of reflection on the man's attraction to or interest in them for dating. It may blossom into interest in dating later, for sure, and it shows that at minimum the man thinks there is potential for a first date. Applying dating rules and "waiting" for a man to suggest a first meet just seems like a huge waste of time. I met over 100 men in person through dating sites. Most suggested the first meeting, I suggested some of them, I didn't keep track of how that affected whether we went on a date - I don't think it did, at all.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    In fairness, why wouldn't she?

    But I do agree. I'd give kudos to either the man or the woman in that scenario if they were to be the one to actually take initiative. But insofar as both of them are sitting there and twiddling their thumbs, waiting on the other to make the move, I'd consider them both equally embarrassing.
    Well yes sure -of course and as I wrote -whether man or woman or whatever, if you're looking to date, maximize opportunities where it's easier to "take initiative" like in a shared activity. I've done that to make friends in my newer city - when you're sitting next to someone at a volunteer fundraising phonathon it's natural to chat between the phones ringing. For example.

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