Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 10 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 98

Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,384
    Gender
    Female
    He sounds like a prima donna. If he was really confident and self-assured, he would be ok with either way of approach.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,838
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    No it was not his thread j.man, he was only responding on the thread, in context to the topic and other posts.

    I agree with your post btw.
    OOOOOOOHHHHHH ok, I thought he created a post to proclaim that he expects women to approach him.

    Completely changes my impression, well not completely but I no longer see him as a dude in his moms basement covered in cheeto crumbs my bad! I was like who would be attracted to that?!? Makes more sense

  3. #23
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,127
    I no longer see him as a dude in his moms basement covered in cheeto crumbs my bad! I was like who would be attracted to that?!?
    hahahahaha

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    49,071
    So I have always thought women should approach men and women who want a relationship should put themselves in as many situations as possible that don't require an "approach" -meaning where people are sharing an activity or an interest so conversation just flows naturally and people are expected to "approach" each other so it doesn't matter who does it "first". And when I was dating it was my strong impression that it was best -if you wanted more than a fling -to let a man do more or most of the asking out especially in the beginning. But, yes, show interest, yes approach. Yes, I asked out a number of men and it was not a huge deal -so if it had been a more effective way to find a long term relationship i'd have done it more often (and yes I tended to like more traditional men and yes I was career-oriented and yes I wanted to be a "stay at home mom" someday so that factored into who I dated).

    I strongly believe my husband and I would not be married had I not approached him first. Mostly on a practical level -although we worked at the same large company we worked in separate departments and floors apart. And, he was really shy back then. So, on his first day of work (and my 30th day or so!) I crossed the conference room where we were gathered to meet and mingle with the newbies because he was standing alone, kind of looking out the window and I'd read his little bio, knew we were the same age and had grown up near each other so I figured it would be nice of me to greet him. I was dating someone at the time so that wasn't the motivation at all. But, it meant that over the next 8 months when we ran into each other at company events, sometimes we would chat a bit since I had broken the ice. I really don't think he would have approached me had we not chatted that first day. But he asked me out first. He was very nervous to do so (partly because it's awkward if you work at the same company) so it was for lunch during the work day. I really didn't know if he meant it as a "date" but I went.

    When I did online dating sites I contacted many men first and sometimes asked to meet - and I let them ask me out after the first meet. I never felt like a first meet was a date or that a man who asked to meet me was asking me out on a date. I found no difference between who contacted who first when we were strangers or who asked to meet up as far as level of interest toward me for dating.

    I think it's very rare to see long term happy, healthy relationships where the woman did most of the asking out/calling/contacting in the beginning stages. I also think it's a shame when women passively wait for men to approach them.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,671
    Gender
    Male
    Okay, I have A LOT of thoughts on this.

    I'll start with your original post, about this guy.

    My take on him is (a) he's got good game but (b) his game is built, like the other poster said, on a very classic foundation of male weakness and ego fragility. It is limited, and as "successful with the ladies" as he may well be, I suspect his success is limited to a certain subset: thirsty ladies who wear their thirst on their sleeve, since the thing he needs most—more than looks, more than intelligence—is to feel wanted. Is to feel, in short, like he can quench that thirst.

    So, no, he is not really attracted to the noble qualities you outlined, K: directness, knowing what they want, and so on. The trick is that he can come off that way—and even trick himself into thinking he's that way—which is very appealing in the eyes of a woman. She thinks he is into her for her power, and thus feels empowered, all the more so because, lo and behold, she is the one making the big moves, doing the "approaching."

    But what he's into, above all, is whether or not she is into him. He needs attention, and lots of it. He needs that to feel confident because, as Clio points out, beneath it all is a lack of confidence and self-assuredness that he has deftly learned to transform into game.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,253
    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    But what he's into, above all, is whether or not she is into him. He needs attention, and lots of it. He needs that to feel confident because, as Clio points out, beneath it all is a lack of confidence and self-assuredness that he has deftly learned to transform into game.
    Yeah, I figured as much, just another angle, more "game." Is this stuff written in a book somewhere? PUA nonsense?

    Disappointed cause I was hoping he was real. But I'm convinced now he was a troll, perhaps a previously-banned poster resurrecting himself to ruffle some feathers, stir controversy.

    That said, still an interesting topic though, what say you bc?

    Don't tell me, you approach and enjoy being approached too! :)
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-10-2019 at 07:34 PM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,401
    Gender
    Female
    Are we in 1950 still? Why is the idea of a woman approaching a man she is into still considered a novelty?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,253
    Originally Posted by superfan
    Are we in 1950 still? Why is the idea of a woman approaching a man she is into still considered a novelty?
    It's not, but the idea of a man who refuses to approach, who will never approach, even when she is sending clear signals she would like him to approach, is noteworthy and yes a novelty.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,122
    Blue castle, curious if you would feel the same way about the ladies that sometimes post here about refusing to approach a man ? Are they all about getting attention from the thirsty dudes? :)

  11. #30
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    8,253
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Blue castle, curious if you would feel the same way about the ladies that sometimes post here about refusing to approach a man ? Are they all about getting attention from the thirsty dudes? :)
    Good point as per usual!

    This thread is getting interesting now, and yes bc curious too.

    I'm kinda back to liking this guy again now, cause I think this may have been his point too. And perhaps not some form of "game."

    I'm so effed up! Owning it, lol.

Page 3 of 10 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •