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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Because a man approaching you first makes you feel desired and wanted?

    Yes I agree, but then again many men may find you very desirable but not approach you.
    It shows that he goes for what he wants. I like to see courage. I'm not a big fan of guys who settle for whatever, or guys wait around for things to happen to them.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    It shows that he goes for what he wants. I like to see courage. I'm not a big fan of guys who settle for whatever, or guys wait around for things to happen to them.
    It goes both ways! The same applies for women or people in general.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by dias
    It goes both ways! The same applies for women or people in general.
    Thnx dias, this was my point, taken from the guy's point on other forum.

    No wrong or right, no one is weak or has "issues" because they prefer to be approached rather than approach themselves.

    Man or woman.

    This thread was more about how women feel about doing the approaching.

    And how men need to feel desired and wanted too, same as women do.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Basically I think if we want to make the most of dating and increasing options, we should all do more approaching!

    You find someone attractive, strike up a casual conversation, see where it leads.
    I've been advocating this since forever! Basically, do not get hung up on roles. I find that anyone sufficiently motivated to get to know someone, will make an attempt to spark something up.
    There are nuances to two people finding out if there's chemistry. If you can flow back and forth to approaching and sending signals of interest, you have an advantage ( regardless of gender or sexual orientation). Both teach you ways to not only read people, but to take rejection in healthy stride.

    The hottest thing to me, and I would think most people, is when you aren't even thinking who approached who because the heat and spark is sizzling both ways off the bat. Too much 'work' on either side, and you get these issues where people are so hung up and scared to try anything. It's not just about knowing how to approach or receive one , but when to back off!! Lol

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    And how men need to feel desired and wanted too, same as women do.
    There are two separate things to consider:
    1) How men need to feel desired as this hypothetical womanizer says
    2)Jib's opinion about people taking action

    I focused on Jib's opinion. Taking action is something that has nothing to do with genders. Everyone can take initiatives, not only men have this privilege.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I've been advocating this since forever! Basically, do not get hung up on roles. I find that anyone sufficiently motivated to get to know someone, will make an attempt to spark something up.
    There are nuances to two people finding out if there's chemistry. If you can flow back and forth to approaching and sending signals of interest, you have an advantage ( regardless of gender or sexual orientation). Both teach you ways to not only read people, but to take rejection in healthy stride.

    The hottest thing to me, and I would think most people, is when you aren't even thinking who approached who because the heat and spark is sizzling both ways off the bat. Too much 'work' on either side, and you get these issues where people are so hung up and scared to try anything. It's not just about knowing how to approach or receive one , but when to back off!! Lol
    Great post and agree, but admittedly in the past I've been hung up on roles and what has been drilled into my head by society in general -- men pursue, women respond.

    However, to my credit I did "pursue" my bf after he dropped off our communiqué before meeting.

    Most posters advised me to block and delete, he was not interested, a flake, but I chose to pursue and sent a second message.

    HE took it from there.

    I still wonder if it was a bit of a "test" on his part, to determine how interested I was, or to see if I had the confidence and courage to step up myself, but at this point it does not matter.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I've done the approaching and I've been approached. It's one thing to want someone to take the initiative if they notice you at a bar, coffee shop, or class, and you may not have have yet noticed them. It's another if you've both noticed each other and you want or expect them to make the first move. For me, one's perfectly relatable while the other is something I give neither men nor women a pass for. If you've both exchanged glances and you're scrutinizing someone else's courage or confidence for them not being the one to come to you, that's what I like to call the pot calling the kettle black.

    We've by and large got it in our heads that men and women are much more fundamentally different than we actually are. Yes, you'll get your odd chauvinist who just *EERRNNNTT* can't fathom the idea of a woman approaching him without something being wrong with her, but good riddance. I'll say with absolute confidence that 9.99 times out of 10, a good and healthy man will absolutely appreciate a woman he's attracted to approaching him just as much as he'd appreciate a free meal.

    My philosophy has always been that if I like you, I'll go for you. If you like me, I hope you'd go for me. I don't think it should be a game for who takes the first step. If the guy you're referencing created a thread to take the time to outline all of this, it'd definitely be a red flag, in my mind. If he's responding within an appropriate context, I may be more forgiving.

  9. #18
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    No it was not his thread j.man, he was only responding on the thread, in context to the topic and other posts.

    I agree with your post btw.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I've actually never gave it much thought before.

    I have been approached and I have also been the one to approach. Never had any thoughts on it one way or the other.

    I just never had any set rules on the matter of if it made someone more or less attractive with who makes the first move.

    I do wonder though how many great women he's missed out on by having this strict rule.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher

    I do wonder though how many great women he's missed out on by having this strict rule.
    Fair question Sherry, I even thought about that.

    But reading his posts, they weren't great to him, he wasn't attracted to them in the first place.

    They lacked the qualities he needs -- assertiveness, directness, going after what they want, and making him feel desired.

    The same things many women need, including myself at one point in time.

    Funny thing about him was he did not appear to be passive at al!

    Once they made the initial approach, he was quite aggressive in his pursuit.

    Interesting character, still wondering if he was a troll. Lol

    Seemed like he enjoyed controversy, but who knows.

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