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Thread: Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

  1. #1
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    Thoughts On Women Approaching Men

    I was just reading some very interesting posts from a man on another forum, a man who appears quite attractive and confident, intelligent, successful with women, who refuses to be the first to approach a woman.

    In fact, to quote him verbatim he said:

    "In order for me to feel attraction for a woman, I've got to feel desired, and a woman sending smoke signals to me when we are so close our noses could touch if I leaned over, turns me off massively no matter how attractive she is.

    In the same vein, I will find a lesser aesthetically attractive girl more attractive if she approaches me because she shows herself to go after what she wants, and that makes me feel wanted, valuable and sexually desired.
    "

    A female poster chimed back saying it was weak, that he lacks courage, and it was more about his ego not getting quashed if she were to reject him.

    He of course chimed back saying:

    "No, it has nothing to do with my ego getting crushed and all about wanting to know if a girl desires me and is of "high quality" for a relationship."

    He claimed his mum approached his dad and if she had not, they never would have gotten together at all, and this is, in part, where he developed this attitude.

    It apparently works quite well for him, he also admits to being not the most aesthetically attractive man around, no Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise in their younger years, but attractive in his own right.

    He also admits to be below average height at 5'7" yet apparently he gets approached quite often, and is very successful with the ladies!

    They start the process of approaching, he then knows they desire him, and HE takes it from there.

    I dunno, I thought this was interesting!! Unconventional for sure, but in a way I see his point.

    I am in a RL, but if God forbid something were to happen and I became single again, I might even try it that way!

    I believe the dating site Bumble does it this way, where the woman is the first to make initial contact.

    Some people swear by this and claim it works out quite well, better even than the more conventional way of men making first contact, first approach.

    Thoughts??

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    Another post from him:

    "If you are attracted to me, ask me out. You don't have to make a show of it, just ask me out for a cup of coffee. Don't sit around playing with your hair and smiling and then expect me to go up to you and talk to you."

    Lol, not sure why but I am finding this no-nosense attitude quite intrguing!

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    I have approached men before. However, I find men who approach me to be more attractive. Probably for the same reasons that he finds forward-women attractive.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I'd assume there is an underlying issue with him, you don't draw attention to things you fully accept about yourself.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    People will always have different experiences, good and bad, when trying this out. For some reason it's never worked for me whether in trying for romantic relationships or even platonic friendships with females. I'm the type to not sit around and wait for life to happen, but it's worked out that people have had to pursue me in romance and friendship for it to work out.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Another post from him:

    "If you are attracted to me, ask me out. You don't have to make a show of it, just ask me out for a cup of coffee. Don't sit around playing with your hair and smiling and then expect me to go up to you and talk to you."

    Lol, not sure why but I am finding this no-nosense attitude quite intrguing!
    So he doesnt accept a woman who sits around waiting but he himself sits around and waits, you find this intriguing why? Its a hang up Kat. Im curious how you dont see that. In 2019 its a hang up if a woman does it its a hang up if a man does it, red flags! You like someone approach them. Man, woman, black, white, potato, lettuce. A hang up is a hang up is a hang up.

    Serious question.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I have approached men before. However, I find men who approach me to be more attractive. Probably for the same reasons that he finds forward-women attractive.
    Because a man approaching you first makes you feel desired and wanted?

    Yes I agree, but then again many men may find you very desirable but not approach you.

    In fact, sometimes the more desirable a woman is, the less she gets approached.

    Because either the man is intimidated (this guy admitted that to be the case sometimes), or he is weak and fears rejection (in which case you probably would not want a man like this in the first place).

    I dunno, some of his posts were a bit contradictory but in general I understood his point.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So he doesnt accept a woman who sits around waiting but he himself sits around and waits, you find this intriguing why? Its a hang up Kat. Im curious how you dont see that. In 2019 its a hang up if a woman does it its a hang up if a man does it, red flags! You like someone approach them. Man, woman, black, white, potato, lettuce. A hang up is a hang up is a hang up.

    Serious question.
    Good question but I think it's more about his style of posting, the confidence even a bit of cockiness if you will.

    He just seemed damn sure of himself which I rarely see on these forums from men. No nonsense

    But yeah good question! I will have to explore this further within myself, thanks for calling me on it!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-10-2019 at 03:08 PM.

  10. #9
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    I think another reason I was so intrigued was because by admitting he needs to feel desired and wanted, he was expressing a vulnerability, not in a weak way, but in a confident way. And I admire that.

    I actually see nothing wrong with him feeling turned off if a woman sends signals she is interested, but expecting him to approach.

    Or being too fearful to approach.

    It's the same reason women get turned off by some men.

  11. #10
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    Basically I think if we want to make the most of dating and increasing options, we should all do more approaching!

    You find someone attractive, strike up a casual conversation, see where it leads.

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