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Thread: I am in love with a secretly married man. How do I get closure?

  1. #1

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    I am in love with a secretly married man. How do I get closure?

    Me and him were colleagues and have been close friends for 4 years. We dated for 6 months in 2015. We went separate ways when he turned me down. After I broke up with my recent ex, he make a move on me. We casually dated for 2 months and getting to know eachother again and we have shared the bed together.. We are happy with how things are going although it is long distance.

    We text eachother every other day and can't wait to see eachother again. Till 2 days ago, I received a text from his number "this is his wife.. what is your relationship with him?" Then the so called wife attached their family pic taken last Christmas. She added "We have 3kids". My heart dropped. He has a son about 14 which I have always known and he apparently has 2 daughters as well which was news to me.

    He has repeatedly told me he is single in the past and has never married. I have done my research and have ask few of our other colleagues and they confirmed he's single. That's why I was confident going into this. He has one son whom he adores and proud of. He told me the mother of his son left him when she was still pregnant then married another man. I am confused.

    I did not reply to the woman's texts as I wanted his explanation first but there was no text from him.

    I want a closure as I love him and value the friendship we had and I want to know why he lied to me about his marital status.

    I want to move on as I do not wish to break up a family. However, i feel i deserve some closure from all this.

    Help! How do i get closure???

  2. #2
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    You already have it. He is a lying douchebag who has a wife and three kids. You are the side chick. The only way that changes is if you avoid contact with him.

    Do not even think you will get a promotion to only chick, or even just 1st chick.

    Move on, get tested for STDs and find a love life that involves an unattached person.

    No need for any further contact to find out "why?" He wanted what he got and did what he had to to get it.

    At this point you may need to drop the naiveté in order to protect yourself.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    The best way to get closure would be to dump this douchbag and head for the hills and NEVER look back. Lose his name and number and any and every form of contact. Disappear into the sunset.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This guy is a lying SOB and you need to block and delete him from your phone and social media. He's got a wife and 3 kids! What more do you need to know to see that he's a liar? He did this to you because he could. He got laid on the side and went home to wifey.

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  6. 02-10-2019, 07:57 PM

  7. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You dated for six months in 2015 and then you dated him again recently. Had you ever been to his home? Have you spent time with him on major holidays (e.g. Christmas) been with him on his birthday, your birthday?

    Yes he is a lying D-bag but my question(s) are to see if there were any red flags you ignored that would indicate that he was married.
    Have you talked to him since you got the text with the family picture?

  8. #6
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    What does “We dated for 6 months in 2015. We went separate ways when he turned me down” mean? He turned you down after you dated? Or he broke up with you? How did you “casually date” if you’re long distance? Were you long distance in 2015 too? How often did you see him? I’m just trying to figure out how well you really knew him. I know you say you were “friends” but a friend wouldn’t keep you in the dark and string you along when he had a wife. He wasn’t a friend unfortunately.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    His marriage would be published as a public record. Look him up.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. "Closure" is a lying, cheating guy's wife contacting you. 'Closure' is when you delete and block him and all his people and everything to do with him from all your messaging apps, social media and your life.
    Originally Posted by Ashlush
    I received a text from his number "this is his wife.. what is your relationship with him?" Then the so called wife attached their family pic taken last Christmas. She added "We have 3kids". How do i get closure???

  11. #9
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    Sorry to hear this. You were played by a liar. It’s obvious that you need closure, but do understand that this person has never been straight up with you in the first place. Surround yourself with good people and move on. There is no need to try and contact him anymore unless you just want to tell him what he did to you. But He knew what he was doing to you all along and wasn’t a big enough person to tell you the truth. Judging by his character, it’s possible that you weren’t the only one he was playing.
    I got “emotionally” involved with a married woman and at least I knew where I stood with her. She’s been very straight up, and I knew what I was getting into. I came to this website and was advised to cut it off, and so I did. I feel she deserves benefit of the doubt if she is to return as unmarried. But your person does NOT! Don’t ever take him back if he is to come to you again. Liars are liars and you don’t need that in your life, you’ll always wonder if your getting the truth from this person and you will never really be able to trust him.


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