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Thread: Is this relationship destined to fail?

  1. #51
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Hmmmm, I guess we will never know her typical pattern...

  2. #52
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    OK, have read literally all the comments, so now feel like I can have some of my own input! While I do actually agree that it's important to have similar levels of intellect and life goals and values and at least *some* hobbies, you also can't change people and you can't expect them to be YOU.

    I know you were defensive about this to another poster, but I do actually feel like your post was kind of snobbish and self-absorbed. I think it's OK to know what you're looking for in a partner but it's like you just expect this guy to do everything you do and to like everything you like. He's not you so he doesn't and that's not actually his fault.

    I don't think it's fair to willingly choose to date someone you know don't match your standards and then criticise them a lot for it. They are who they are and they don't have to change just for you because you like or expect certain things. If they don't suit you then don't date them but I don't think this guy has done anything wrong just by being himself. Especially as you say he's a really lovely person in many other ways.

    I actually do prefer someone who's a bit more intellectual and somewhat educated myself, as I have a few college qualifications. So dating someone who works as a cashier may be not my first preference but again I may go for it if I really liked the person. I am also of the opinion that school is not for everyone and it's OK to not like school, just like it's OK not to like all sorts of things. I'm sure there are things you don't like either or jobs you would hate to do as well.

    Maybe this guy is not as intelligent but that's just how he is and if you don't like it, you are welcome to leave. He is not a bum and he does work and takes care of himself financially. Whether his lifestyle is "good" or not is not really your place to judge or try to change.

    The thing that kinda irked me most of all about your post was the things you were saying about hobbies. First of all, while yes it probably makes someone more interesting if they have hobbies and interests, that can take various forms and it's personal. Not everyone has to be working on a project in their spare time like you. I do have interests but I pursue them sporadically and don't work on any regular projects or go to hobby classes or something.

    My fiance is educated, has a physics degree and works as a software engineer, but he has anxiety and depression and doesn't really engage in many hobbies outside of work. He actually does sleep a bit more than average probably due to depression and when he has free time he watches, YouTube and plays video games mostly. I assume these are hobbies you may find uninspiring or not intellectual enough but other people are not you and they like what they like.

    I'm not into video games or YouTube and I'll be honest, I don't even understand what my fiance says about software most of the time. But we love each other and we just click and we make do.

    Your whole post just has this entitled vibe where you expect other people to match up to everything you think, like what jobs and interests they have to have. I think if your boyfriend works full-time then what is so wrong to sleep in on the weekend and just watch a bit of TV? Some things in life can be just about enjoyment and having down time. It's not all about what you can achieve every second of the day, whether it be career or personal projects.

    However having said all that, I do think you should end it with this guy coz you don't sound like you are into him and he's what you want. But just FYI if you expect your partner to think and do everything you do, I don't think you'll find anyone.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? It sounds like you know enough and have spent enough time together to realize you are incompatible.

    How long ago did you break up with your ex? You mentioned him at least twice in this post and compared this "uneducated, unambitious, dull" guy to him quite unfavorably. Why waste time when you already have little respect for him and it's going nowhere?
    Originally Posted by rcphill
    I'm a doctor and he is a cashier who hates school and has no interest in going to college. I met my ex when I was in medical school. Our conversations are just very superficial and honestly I find myself setting my intelligence aside to make things simpler for him to understand.

    My ex had passions of his own - he started a small online business and was involved in fitness competitions. And even though those things were not an interest of mine, I still really liked that he had things outside of work that he was passionate about.

  4. #54
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    Its tough, I dated a doctor and then after her dated a girl with literally no education and worked low paying jobs.

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