Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 123456 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 54

Thread: Is this relationship destined to fail?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,410
    Originally Posted by rcphill
    Well I mean it seems like YOU found a winner, but did you read my entire post? I'm not so concerned about the lack of education but rather the inability to hold a conversation and the lack of ANY hobbies, interests or ambitions. Would that not also be a problem for you if you dated someone like this? I assume it would, because it seems that the person you are dating has ambition (as you said), hobbies/passions (photography), can talk about anything (as you said), etc. I tried dating him because I WAS looking past the lack of education. But what I have found, and what has caused me to question it, is a lack of ability to talk about anything other than what we watched on TV that day, what we ate for dinner, etc. I'm here trying to see if I should just "get over" the fact that we aren't able to have anything more than surface level conversation, or if it's something I have to realize that I can't compromise on. But apparently I'm just a giant snob who only cares about education. NOT the case btw. If I didn't give a crap, I wouldn't be here debating on whether or not to end the relationship.
    *STANDING OVATION TO THE ORIGINAL POSTER*

    I’m SO glad you defended yourself, that referenced post was just... yeah.

    So anyway to get back on track...

    No, you shouldn’t ‘settle’ if you’re incompatible you’re incompadible.

    But like FCA asked is it his career or his lack of knowledge?

    My question still remains are you seeking these men out? Do you date men with similar careers or religious belief? How does that go?

  2. #22
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    962
    Deleted because I just read your follow up post...

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    You are missing an ability to engage in substantive conversation regarding topics of interest to you.

    This may or may not be fatal; are you able to engage substantively on topics of interest to him?
    This is spot on. Anything I bring up rarely goes beyond a 1 minute conversation, I'm basically just talking to a wall. But yes, when he brings up things (like problems at work), I always am engaging and create a dialogue with him. I make it known that I care about what he's saying, offer advice or my opinion, etc. But I definitely do not get that in return.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    4,820
    All I can say is, you talk about this man like he's a lump of garbage, a boring lump of garbage at that.

    Move on and end things. It won't ever meet your standards.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    9,981
    Originally Posted by rcphill
    I appreciate your frankness. I know I come across as a terrible person, and trust me I feel terrible for thinking the things that I am thinking. I really do. But this is a good question, and an interesting trend in my life I guess. The thing is, I really don't care whether or not I ever get married. I could take it or leave it, so it's not like I'm desperately searching for someone. Something to think about I suppose.
    And that's kinda what's driving my entire point.

    Identifying the pattern and opining on there being something driving you to keep these guys around for you to figuratively stick your nose up toward is the extent to which I'm going to conduct my amateur psychoanalysis. I fully believe that you don't feel good thinking these things, but there's some kind of itch being scratched, and I likewise fully believe you that it's not a matter of you being desperate and settling. I might guess it serves as a perpetual ego boost of some sort keeping these guys around, but your guess is probably as good or better than mine.

    And to reiterate, as a man without a degree and who rather enjoys lazy weekends, I see zero issues with your preferences. I couldn't date women who had too much gums in their smile, so I'm the last person on Earth to judge anyone for any perceived superficiality. And I'd call your list of incompatibilities conventionally reasonable regardless. But there's a difference between someone who knows they don't like McDonald's and thus chooses not to go there, and someone who makes the informed decision to go in, only to judge and complain about their $1 McDouble and to proceed to help themselves to seconds. Not that I'm comparing either this guy or the guy last year to my hangover remedy-- I've got no reason to adversely judge either of their characters. But you get the point. That's the line I'd draw between someone who's acting like a snob and someone who simply knows what they want. And while I don't think FIO was calling me out directly, I will disclaim I'd extend the very same criticism to a man.
    Last edited by j.man; 02-10-2019 at 01:36 PM.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    All I can say is, you talk about this man like he's a lump of garbage, a boring lump of garbage at that.

    Move on and end things. It won't ever meet your standards.
    You clearly don't actually read, internalize, or digest the things that I'm typing, nor do you provide any helpful insight whatsoever. So I think your opinions are pretty invalid here. But thank you for wasting both your and my time.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    4,820
    I don't agree. I think you don't want to hear what I've got to say. To me it sounds insane to date a man you judge and find fault in to this degree.

    I agree with jmans assessment of why you do it.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    7,633
    Fair enough OP but you did start your post saying it was his lack of education that turned you off.

    So I interpreted everything you posted after that as an off-shoot of that.

    So to clarify, it's not his lack of education that turns you off?

    But that he's essentially just lazy (lays around, no hobbies, no passions etc)?

    If so, then why did you begin your post saying it was his lack of education that turned you off?

    Anyway, to answer your question, yes I already stated that the educated doctor I dated bored me as he was incapable of conversing with me in the way I needed. Deeper, on an emotional level, versus cerebral.

    So I ended it.

    I created a thread about it but I did not bash him, throw him under the bus etc.

    We were just "different" that's all, not a good fit.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-10-2019 at 01:50 PM.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    48,633
    I didn't read the other posts - I think compatibility in education and ambition and work ethic is essential -meaning it was essential for me in finding a good match for marriage -some might find it irrelevant and that's totally fine!! I wanted someone who shared my values in those respects and matched - pretty much -what I brought to the table. When I dated it was hard to meet men who didn't at least have a college degree so I had very few situations of turning down a date with someone where there was mutual attraction and he didn't have or want a college degree. Nor was I interested in getting serious with someone who saw it as just a piece of paper. Yes, if you only want someone with a degree to have a "trophy" to show off to others then sure it might be snobby or elitist but if it's part of things in common and your values then I think it's great to want someone compatible. Again I didn't read the rest of the posts. I would let this man find someone who has more in common with him and don't settle -you're not doing anyone any favors.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    14
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Fair enough OP but you did start your post saying it was his lack of education that turned you off.

    So to clarify, it's not his lack of education that turns you off?

    But that he's essentially just lazy (lays around, no hobbies, etc)?
    Yes, initially I was turned off/put off by the lack education but solely because I really truly love and have a great passion for school, education, and learning. So I am able to connect well with other people who feel the same way. He literally told me he HATES school. So it's hard to connect with someone who hates something I love. However, I did decide to look past that because I like him. But as time has gone on, I realize there is something missing and I'm not saying it has ANYTHING to do with his lack of education but just that he is not able to engage in conversation with me about things that I am interested in talking about. For instance, I went to an event for one of my hobbies and I was really excited about it. It was one of the best days I've had in a while so I obviously wanted to tell him about it. As I was talking/after I was done telling him about my day, it was COMPLETE silence. He did not ask any questions about it and didn't even say anything like "I'm so glad you had a great day doing what you enjoy." There was literally ZERO response from him. It made me feel pretty bad honestly, like maybe he just doesn't care. So after like 2 minutes of silence, I'm just like soooo how was YOUR day? Because it seemed clear he didn't really care to talk anymore about my day...

Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 123456 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •