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Thread: Is this relationship destined to fail?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Perhaps then you cannot see how awful you are in how you speak about another human being or how judgemental you come across.

    It truly is astounding and incredibly unattractive!

    That's for you to work out on your own.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rcphill
    I appreciate your frankness. I know I come across as a terrible person, and trust me I feel terrible for thinking the things that I am thinking. I really do. But this is a good question, and an interesting trend in my life I guess. The thing is, I really don't care whether or not I ever get married. I could take it or leave it, so it's not like I'm desperately searching for someone. Something to think about I suppose.
    First off let me say I do not think youíre a snob, in the least and honestly if you were a man the responses wouldnít be what they are but this board can be slanted at times so take those critisisms with a grain of salt please.

    This is probably deeper than you being stuck up or a snob are you possibly going after men beneath you to give you a sense of superiority? jman pointed out the pattern and were not seeing anything but what you post about so itís a limited yet there was still the same almost exact issues. These men were not your equal and yet you continued to date them.knowing the issues you had with the last man itís telling you didnít ensure compatibilities were there when you met this new guy.

    Iíve dated men who didnít yet have careers and besides our dates being more on the thrifty side there really wasnít much lacking, but honestly if Iím on a first date with a guy and he seems dumber than a box of rocks of his finanical goals include winning the lotto, itís a no go for me and I know for a fact that doesnít make me a snob. If Iím bringing what I have to the table and all youíre bringing is a cute butt were gonna have some problems.

    I went on a few dates this past December with someone a friend introduced me to and we got along swimmingly, great chemistry, easy basic conversations, he added me to Facebook. Which honestly never happened before after only a few dates but I saw no harm in it, ironically there was a ton of harm, completely different political views, world views, most importantly moral views. These are things that arenít easily overlooked over time. There are millions of couples with different religious beliefs different political beliefs different education levels as long as at the core they found a connection thatís what matters but if you know your core is not similar to his core youíre wasting each otherís time.

    ETA: I bolded that first part felt necessary. A whole lotta projecting.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 02-10-2019 at 11:48 AM.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by rcphill

    I recently started dating someone who I met online. He is actually a really great person - kind, loyal, caring, and would do anything to keep me happy. He has a stable job (although not a career) and supports himself. He evens helps his family out financially and is just a very genuine person all around.

    When we first started talking and were getting to know each other, I was very interested in him but admittedly was turned off by his lack of education.
    Well you started off on a positive note^, but then suddenly, as j.man so eloquently stated, you began taking a massive dump all over this man.

    You were aware of his lack of education going in, so curious as to (1) why you started dating him and (2) what happened that caused you to change your mind.

    I'll be frank, education means jack sh** as it relates to intelligence, empathy, true compassion and the ability to relate on a personal human level versus cerebral.

    I briefly dated a highly educated doctor who bored me to death, lacking the last three traits I just mentioned above.

    I am now dating a man who never made it past high school but is one of the most intelligent, creative, ambitious, caring, men I have ever known. Earns a great living as a photographer and has a number of other of creative pursuits.

    I've learned a lot, and continue to learn, from him, despite his lack of a higher degree.

    He also lays around all day watching sports on his days off! Lol. So do I! It's called downtime and we all or most people need it.

    He can converse with me about anything, challenges me, emotionally and intellectually, more so than any man before him and I've dated lawyers, scientist, doctor.

    Highly educated, but "meh" and much too cerebral for me, but perhaps this is what you prefer?

    Anyway fwiw, my advice is to get over yourself and get your priorities straight.

    If you're truly turned off to him, then end it. Period end of.

    But I think it's wrong to throw him under the bus the way you did. That he is lacking this, lacking that.

    You wrote you don't think you're better, but the way your initial post reads, it very much sounds like you think you are.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-10-2019 at 12:02 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'll be frank, education means jack sh** as it relates to intelligence, empathy, true compassion and the ability to relate on a personal human level versus cerebral.
    100% Agree!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Were you turned off by his lack of formal education, or by his lack of knowledge?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    You were aware of his lack of education going in, so curious as to (1) why you started dating him and (2) what happened that caused you to change your mind.

    I am now dating a man who never made it past high school but is one of the most intelligent, creative, ambitious, caring, men I have ever known. Earns a great living as a photographer and has a number of other of creative pursuits.

    He can converse with me about anything, challenges me, emotionally and intellectually, more so than any man before him and I've dated lawyers, scientist, doctor.
    Well I mean it seems like YOU found a winner, but did you read my entire post? I'm not so concerned about the lack of education but rather the inability to hold a conversation and the lack of ANY hobbies, interests or ambitions. Would that not also be a problem for you if you dated someone like this? I assume it would, because it seems that the person you are dating has ambition (as you said), hobbies/passions (photography), can talk about anything (as you said), etc. I tried dating him because I WAS looking past the lack of education. But what I have found, and what has caused me to question it, is a lack of ability to talk about anything other than what we watched on TV that day, what we ate for dinner, etc. I'm here trying to see if I should just "get over" the fact that we aren't able to have anything more than surface level conversation, or if it's something I have to realize that I can't compromise on. But apparently I'm just a giant snob who only cares about education. NOT the case btw. If I didn't give a crap, I wouldn't be here debating on whether or not to end the relationship.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Would that not also be a problem for you if you dated someone like this?
    Like what? He doesn't share the same interests as you do. He is happy to do his own thing and doesn't have the same goals or hobbies as you.
    That doesn't mean he is less worthy or that he wouldn't be a great partner. or that he is less interesting.

    It means he is different than you but not less than!!

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Were you turned off by his lack of formal education, or by his lack of knowledge?
    Definitely just the lack of knowledge. I've said some things to him that I feel are pretty common place and I get a question mark back (via text), or a blank stare/no response in person. I really don't care about number of years spent in school. There are plenty of people out there who are intelligent (likely even way smarter than I am) that have zero formal education.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Like what?
    Put yourself in this scenario - your significant other goes to work, comes home and watches TV, goes to sleep. Same thing 5 days in a row. On the weekends, stays in bed all day, watches TV, goes to sleep to repeat the process for the next week. Zero hobbies, zero interests (other than TV). And when you try to talk about things, you either get a blank stare, there is silence, or just a "wow" as the response. Would you be okay with that if the person was nice, loyal, caring, etc? Or would you find yourself wanting more?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rcphill
    Definitely just the lack of knowledge. I've said some things to him that I feel are pretty common place and I get a question mark back (via text), or a blank stare/no response in person. I really don't care about number of years spent in school. There are plenty of people out there who are intelligent (likely even way smarter than me), and have zero formal education.
    You are missing an ability to engage in substantive conversation regarding topics of interest to you.

    This may or may not be fatal; are you able to engage substantively on topics of interest to him?

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