Miss

I really really really miss my ex boyfriend. We have been broken up 2.5 years and I can’t forget him, I have dated 2 other guys that were nice and funny but didn’t make me feel like he made me feel. I’m getting older (32) and worried that I’m still even thinking of him at all. He has reached out to me three times in the time we have been apart, the most recent was last November saying how he much he missed me and would love the chance to even just be friends, I was scared of getting hurt by him again so brushed it off again and said “maybe” and never got back to him . I don’t know, i know when people write in on here saying “there ex contacted them” everyone’s advice is “ignore it they are after an ego boost” but I’m not after that I genuine miss him so much I just want to get over him but can’t seem too, any advice ?

If you truly want to get over him, I would block his number. It stirs you up when he contacts you.

It's such a common thing when a guy dumps you to contact you again later. Most of the time he is trying for a booty call with no commitment. When he keeps intruding on your life like that, placing his presence in your midst, then no wonder you keep thinking of him. Block his number so you can begin to move on.

If he was charming but treated you way less than special, perhaps you're lacking in self esteem and subconsciously seek a man who treats you like crap, because deep down you think that's what you deserve, and you reject men who treat you right. If this is the case, you will have to work on improving your self esteem so that you will accept the right men and reject the wrong ones.

If that's not the case, you just have to keep on dating because it's a rigorous process to find a man you have chemistry with and meets all of your main needs. Spread your net a bit wider and join Meetup.com groups in your area. There are so many ways to meet new people in your spare time. Volunteer at a local zoo or museum or environmental cleanup groups. Join a co-ed sports team. Take an adult education class in a fun subject. Take dance classes, or classes for pottery, painting, book discussion groups.

Good luck.

What was the relationship like? How long did it last? And who ended it?

Most people advise blocking, not ignoring.

Perhaps, you should seek therapy to move on,

How did he hurt you?

I relate to this... I miss my ex of a year, too. BUT! It's taken me this whole time to admit to myself that I do in fact miss him.

I'm trying to just accept that for me, for whatever reason, whether it was actually him or me just putting him on a pedestal, I found him special and genuinely cared/loved him.

it didn't work out for us...the end

Don't reach out. keep going. you can't get the past back. even if you talked to him and became friends... the dynamic is changed. the respect is changed. recognize that and move forward.

it's ok to miss someone... going back will only reaffirm you don't belong together. it's unnatural... in the future you may run into him or circumstances my change. don't wait or look for this, but it could happen. As long as two people are alive anything can happen.

I do believe that... but your future relationship with someone else could be better... which would erase these feelings.

we do get hung up on some people... they touch us and we care... we can still care. just like when someone dies.... you have to accept life goes on and there are still good things ahead.....

hang in there.

I'd be curious to know more about the relationship, how long it lasted, who ended it, and why it ended.

It's been a few years and you've had other dating experiences. Sometimes people grow and change, thus becoming better suited for each other. Why did you ignore him reaching out? If the relationship ended due to fundamental and likely unchangeable incompatibilities or behavior like cheating/abuse, then I would give similar advice that others posters have: move forward and don't look back. However, if the two of you ended amicably and you have reason to believe he is also single, reconnecting may not be the worst move in the world.

Either way, don't make a choice based on loneliness and fear. Times of vulnerability are not generally when reaching out to an ex goes well.

I'm going to go against the grain with this one. I'd like to know more circumstances as to why and how it's ended. It sounds like both of you have had sufficient time to date and explore other people yet still hold out feelings for the other. I am a little surprised that after thinking about him all the time you rejected his attempts to reach out to you. If you truly miss him and want to try again or see what's different to assess if it could work, then I would encourage you to tell us some details about the nature of your previous relationship and reach out to him accordingly.

Thanks everyone for your answers, all so wise and true. Best to keep going in the direction I was heading which is forward! As someone mentioned the dynamic has changed and it would never be the same again, too much has happened and when it comes down to it we broke up because he had no ambition and doubt that has changed. Onwards and upwards!

IMHO and experience, the reason you miss him so much is because you haven't yet met THE man, YOUR man. When you're in a happy fulfilling relationship where your love is reciprocated the ex will become nothing but distant past.

What exactly about this guy that you miss? Was it him or was it an ego boost or feeling? Was it the sex? Was it the money? What did this guy have that no other guy in this world possibly cant do it better?

Its been 2.5 years since the break up. Doing the same thing you have been doing for 30 months isn't going to help you. As Holly suggested, I would seek counseling. Maybe it has to do with something with a loss and nothing to do with your X what so ever. Have a professional help you sort out your feelings. You will thank yourself for it.