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Thread: I don't think I want to be with my boyfriend anymore

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    I donít know why people are essentially attacking you for outgrowing a relationship. It is perfectly normal to want to explore especially in your university years. If you are not feeling it, you should probably let him know. There is no point in trying to force yourself to want to be with someone. It will never work. Doing what you feel is right is usually the hardest and scariest thing. But you will not be able to keep him in your life if you do choose to be free and explore. At least not right away. You will have to go no contact in order for you both to heal. And it will be difficult, but youíll know if thatís the right decision for you. Iíve been in your position actually, and after many years we are now friends. And I have him back in my life. So donít lose all hope of a friendship somewhere down the line. Good luck :)
    No one is "attacking" and I think you're off the mark in concluding that the Op has outgrown her relationship. There is no indication that she has but only that she is lonely and taking her current boyfriend who clearly values and loves her for granted over the POSSIBILITY of having some new relationship energy experience. Well, like all good things in life, that new relationship energy will wane in time. (as LDJ points out so read it again Op and do some introspection).

    if she hasn't learned the difference between lust and love then she will fall, once again to the grass is greener syndrome.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    You're not a horrible person, but like many young folks, you have outgrown your first love.

    You already know what you need to do. He will be hurt, but he will eventually heal. It's the kinder option than staying with someone you know you don't want to be with any longer.
    I second this post. It is incredibly rare for a couple to stay together for the rest of their lives when they started dating at age 14 - pretty much when they were still children. People grow. Mature. Change. All normal and does NOT make you a bad person. You'll probably have a few more relationships before you eventually find the "right" one and get married. As will he. Be kind to him and tell him the truth. Live you life to the fullest.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, it was a different time I'll admit but we know several people who met in high school and are still going strong.
    I think it's one thing to break up because you are no longer compatible or one is not being shown value but to break up with a man she loves, who treats her well, who is her best friend so that she can pursue some "talk" with other boys is a mistake that she very well may regret.

    I love him hes my best friend I couldn't imagine life without him he treats me SOOO good so good and he loves me with all of his heart, but idk if im fully there anymore.
    Katya: Did you have thoughts of "not fully being there anymore" before you wanted to pursue these other guys or was it just after you set your sights on them that you felt that way?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's time to free him and yourself. Don't string him along as a security blanket. Both of you should be free to live life and date others.

    This issue has been bothering you even before you left for college:
    [Register to see the link]

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  6. #15
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    No one is "attacking" and I think you're off the mark in concluding that the Op has outgrown her relationship. There is no indication that she has but only that she is lonely and taking her current boyfriend who clearly values and loves her for granted over the POSSIBILITY of having some new relationship energy experience. Well, like all good things in life, that new relationship energy will wane in time. (as LDJ points out so read it again Op and do some introspection).

    if she hasn't learned the difference between lust and love then she will fall, once again to the grass is greener syndrome.
    Did we read the same post? She said she does not fully feel she is in the relationship anymore, and does not love him in the relationship way anymore. She said she does not even feel sexually attracted to him anymore. Only reason she is still with him is because of history and is afraid of breaking his heart. This is no reason to continue a relationship.
    Last edited by frustrated1; 02-10-2019 at 08:10 AM. Reason: adding info

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I wish I could have taught my younger self that it makes no sense to form a long term relationship that stunts your growth. You never get any of your wasted youth back to live over again.

    You're not doing BF any favors by staying with him. Free yourself.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    No one is "attacking" and I think you're off the mark in concluding that the Op has outgrown her relationship. There is no indication that she has but only that she is lonely and taking her current boyfriend who clearly values and loves her for granted over the POSSIBILITY of having some new relationship energy experience. Well, like all good things in life, that new relationship energy will wane in time. (as LDJ points out so read it again Op and do some introspection)..
    I'm going to have to strongly disagree. I think there is every indication that she has outgrown this.

    She was, for all intents and purposes, a child when they started dating. As a young adult now, she has changed and is growing up. She clearly does not want to date him anymore. It's not a matter of her being lonely or taking her boyfriend for granted. Staying with someone she met as a kid because the grass might not be greener is foolish and self-limiting. She isn't happy with him and isn't doing either of them any favours by tying herself to a situation she no longer wants to be in.

    Will things work out with the new boys around her? Maybe, maybe not. It's not as though they will be her only option forever. Does that mean she should stay with a boy she doesn't love? Good heavens, no. I doubt she will regret ending it. Her heart isn't in it, with or without these other guys.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ^^^^We will agree to disagree then. Because she still does love him.

    I think she would truly regret it if she were to break up with him because the grass looks greener.

    *On Edit:
    Originally Posted by frustrated1
    Did we read the same post? She said she does not fully feel she is in the relationship anymore, and does not love him in the relationship way anymore. She said she does not even feel sexually attracted to him anymore. Only reason she is still with him is because of history and is afraid of breaking his heart. This is no reason to continue a relationship.
    I believe we both read the same post however, we have interpreted it differently. She still loves him, she says she will always love but isn't sure if she loves him "in a boyfriend way." (which in my opinion is due to wanting to "talk to these other guys."

    If she's truly certain that she is done with him then yes, she should break up with him but I think she will regret it if she is doing it because some other dude has been giving her a bit of attention.

    Op: Has some other boy been giving you some attention? Were you content within your relationship before you went away to University?

    My opinion is coming from someone who has been with the same man since senior year in highschool. We have been married for 41 years now so I understand what you're going through (been there, done that) however I was cognizant enough to know that "this too shall pass." So if you love him like you say you do, and he loves you like you say he does then you'll be able to judge whether this 'wanderlust' you're experiencing is just temporary or its a permanent lull that won't pass. Your call, luv.
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 02-10-2019 at 07:02 PM.

  10. #19
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    She's been agonising about this for ages (posted about it before) and it had nothing to do with finding someone else or "grass is greener".

    OP, you really need to sit down face-to-face with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. No point in dragging things out when you're this unhappy. Time to talk.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    She's been agonising about this for ages (posted about it before) and it had nothing to do with finding someone else or "grass is greener".

    OP, you really need to sit down face-to-face with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. No point in dragging things out when you're this unhappy. Time to talk.
    I was going on the opening post. If she hasn't given up on him yet then maybe she deep down doesn't really want to?

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