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Thread: Would I seem weak for wanting to talk instead of just ending it?

  1. #1
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    Would I seem weak for wanting to talk instead of just ending it?

    Last night I had full intentions of either ghosting her forever or just straight up telling her Iím sorry but I canít do this anymore. But karma intervened, I tried not to be a jerk while she told me how he was playing games. The whole time I thought karma is a b ainít it. Iíve posted before but long story short she has been playing games with me, making then cancelling plans, telling me about how much she likes me etc. long story short playing games. But after we talked Iím able to recognize the distance. I didnít realize all the talking we were doing was actually hurting me not helping. Iím still thinking the same way, I just didnít wanna pile on. Anyway here is my question. I donít really want this girl out of my life but I feel like I donít have a choice. But honestly I do. I could just talk to her and tell her how I feel. Give her a chance to speak up and actually have a adult conversation. I feel like this might make me seem weak because Iíd rather talk and fix this instead of booting her out of my life. What should I do.
    All I know is I deserve better, but I donít want her gone.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not just pull back. Actions speak louder than words

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    I second Wiseman! Just donít engage with her as much and do your own thing. Sheíll notice you becoming distant and naturally things will start to fade on their own.

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    Agreed! Pulling back, not responding says so much. Itís not playing games, but itís showing her that your respect yourself enough to not be treated that way.

    I think I asked this in another thread. Iím not sure where it is so I donít know if you ever replied. Did you ever directly ask her out?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I ask you to please reframe your thinking.

    Avoid language like "playing games" and "deserve better". The first assumes intention and the second is entitled. In fact, we deserve what we are willing to earn. And by earn, I don't mean in the form of chasing someone else. We earn by acting as the CEO of our own lives. Make decisions about what purpose a person serves in your life. What purpose does this person serve? Why be friends at all?

    Maybe there is a reason: maybe you are learning an interpersonal skill. Maybe you are hanging onto a dream. Whatever her purpose, is her company/contact the best way to meet that purpose?

    If so, do with her what works for you. Only what works for you. Do not put yourself out there with invitations because she doesn't follow through. If you DO, whatever happens is something you did to yourself.

    Let's assume she is kind hearted but unskilled. She avoids confrontation and she is disorganized. The result would be the same: too needy to tell you its hopeless; too disorganized or avoidant to know she will not show up. The results would be the same.

    In short:

    Decide what works for you. Make incremental change: don't call or text for a week, for example. This really isn't about her. Its about you. Only you know what works for you. Do that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    We have consensus.

    One note: forget about what your actions communicate to her. If you have something to communicate, say it out loud.

    In this case, the only person you need to talk to is yourself.

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    Yes I did. She said yes
    But she also said she didnít wanna relationship.
    Yes to date but no to dating

  9. #8
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    How do you not have a choice? This i do not get.
    Why would you want to keep or feel you "must" keep her in your life if all she's done is play games with you?

    Stop being a victim.
    Own your life.
    Own your destiny.
    Choose your path and stop blaming others for it. Cuz this is what you are doing.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by unattached
    Yes I did. She said yes
    But she also said she didnít wanna relationship.
    Yes to date but no to dating
    So if you want a relationship then leave her and move on with your life, you're not on the same page. Simple. It's worth a dilemma or back and forth.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    meet someone else. we all just learn to let go of things not meant for us. there is someone better out there for you. believe it.

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