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Thread: Lack of sex but partner watches porn!

  1. #1

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    Lack of sex but partner watches porn!

    Hi I'm a 35yr old Female, I have a high sex drive but since moving in together 2yrs ago my partner doesn't seem interested in much sex.
    We both work full time but he always seems tired, we have sex once or twice a week, I recently discovered he's been watching porn nearly every day (I know it's a violation of his privacy checking his internet history) so I don't understand why he hardly ever wants sex, I have no problem with porn and masturbation I do it myself but if I had the choice I'd prefer to have sex I don't understand how he can say no to sex then go watch porn instead?

    Has anyone had similar problems and have advice on what to do or could any man on the other side help me understand from a male point of view?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    2 reasons that I can think of:

    1.) He isn't as interested in you sexually anymore as he used to be.

    2.) He's lazy and finds it easier to masturbate to a porno rather than to make the effort of actually having sex with you.

    Neither reason is good, obviously.
    It's probably time you had a chat with him to find out what's going on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like some better time, energy and household management could help. Since clearly that is when the problem began. Do you plan some relaxing romantic evenings at home? Or do you wait until bedtime when you're both exhausted to get started? Porn is an effortless easy way to get off if everyone is too preoccupied, bored or tired to bother with sex.

    For example do you have date nights? Do you go away weekends? Or have you fallen into a domestic drudgery rut? Do you both just camp out in front of the TV? Do you just do chores errands on weekends? Playing house seems to be the main driver. You need to rethink and reorganize your days, nights, weekends and incorporate times for relaxing yet exciting sex.

    Have either of you become too complacent? Do you both go out and see friends alone once in a while? Is there ever a chance you miss each other? Have both of you kept in shape and take care of your looks, grooming, etc?
    Originally Posted by Samgirl83
    since moving in together 2yrs ago my partner doesn't seem interested in much sex. We both work full time but he always seems tired, we have sex once or twice a week

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    2 reasons that I can think of:

    1.) He isn't as interested in you sexually anymore as he used to be.

    2.) He's lazy and finds it easier to masturbate to a porno rather than to make the effort of actually having sex with you.

    Neither reason is good, obviously.
    It's probably time you had a chat with him to find out what's going on.
    I don't think he's stopped being interested in me as when we do have sex it's great and we have great chemistry but laziness could be the problem he does work a physically demanding job and is often tired.

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like some better time, energy and household management could help. Since clearly that is when the problem began. Do you plan some relaxing romantic evenings at home? Or do you wait until bedtime when you're both exhausted to get started? Porn is an effortless easy way to get off if everyone is too preoccupied, bored or tired to bother with sex.

    For example do you have date nights? Do you go away weekends? Or have you fallen into a domestic drudgery rut? Do you both just camp out in front of the TV? Do you just do chores errands on weekends? Playing house seems to be the main driver. You need to rethink and reorganize your days, nights, weekends and incorporate times for relaxing yet exciting sex.

    Have either of you become too complacent? Do you both go out and see friends alone once in a while? Is there ever a chance you miss each other? Have both of you kept in shape and take care of your looks, grooming, etc?
    To be honest we have got into a domestic routine and tend to sit watching TV every evening and only think about sex when in bed except for the odd time we might be watching a film with a raunchy sex scene, we rarely go out tougher as I'm not a big drinker but he goes to the pub most weekends with the lads, comes home too drunk to do anything and is too hungover the next day, we do have a night out together with friends coming Up.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's comfortable with you and that the relationship has plateaued naturally. I think it's a fairly normal experience that a lot of long-term live-in couples go through. I don't know if the amount of sex is really going to change moving forward. Are you really as sexually attracted to your boyfriend as you were in the beginning? Be honest.

    He probably loves you and enjoys the intimacy, but sexual drive is often related to new and exciting stimuli. Porn offers that variety that a monogamous sexual relationship rarely achieves. If you're still in good shape and occasionally trying new things in the bedroom, I'm sure he still enjoys sex with you. Don't equate the amount of sex you're having with how much your partner loves you. It's a trap a lot of couples get into and it really takes the joy and intimacy out of sex and turns it into a chore charged with insecurity and obligation.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Honestly, I'd take it or leave it. Neither of you are in the wrong (well... absent invading your partner's privacy).

    Speaking conventionally, you two are having sex regularly if you're having it once or twice a week after a couple years. I'm not a fan at all of stigmatizing people who choose not to treat full-blown intercourse as a daily or near-everyday recreational activity (nor am I of doing so for those opposite). It smacks way too much of policing other people's sexuality, which is a big no-go for me. But I guess that's just me. If he's still fitting in that intimacy and choosing to blow his load in five minutes without being responsible for someone else's orgasm in between, I'd chalk it up to it being his prerogative.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he have ED issues? How old is he? This isn't about porn, this is about way too much alcohol which is an erection, libido and motivation killer.

    Why can't you start planning romantic interesting dates on weekends that don't revolve around getting drunk? The problem is binge drinking and all the effects on sexuality and the relationship.

    You need to address this and stop sitting home all weekend alone while his primary "mistress" is booze, not porn.
    Originally Posted by Samgirl83
    we rarely go out tougher as I'm not a big drinker but he goes to the pub most weekends with the lads, comes home too drunk to do anything and is too hungover the next day

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Samgirl83

    We have sex once or twice a week.

    I don't think he's stopped being interested in me as when we do have sex it's great and we have great chemistry
    This seems pretty typical after two years imo.

    But if you want to kick it up a notch switch your routine of watching tv every night and overall same ole/same ole.

    Take up a new hobby or take a class that gets you out of the house for a couple of nights a week.

    Let him miss you!

    It sounds a bit like you guys are stuck in a rut, which leads to boredom, which leads to him (and/or you) seeking excitement elsewhere (ie. Porn).

    What I have learned is some men need a bit of distance to maintain their strong attraction and connection.

    It's a challenge when living together or married but can be done and can work wonders on a relationship that's become routine/meh.

    Also, how about watching porn together? My bf and I do! Even the hard core stuff!

    It's exciting to do that together and can really spice things up! My bf is a photographer and we've even made our own private videos together!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Woah..TMI, Kat.

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