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Thread: Lack of sex but partner watches porn!

  1. #31

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    I don't know if anyone has said this but ask him he wants to watch porn with you. If you comfortable with, of course.

  2. #32
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    Porn and alcohol might be the tools he is using for self soothing or escaping from not feeling very good about himself or life at this time.
    Do you think he feels valued by you as a partner? Would you say that he would say you make him feel desired? Do you compliment him? Make him know you are grateful to have him in your life? Do you thank him and show your appreciation for all that he does for you?
    If there is not much conversation, connecting, laughing, having fun doing stuff together, then there may not be enough bonding going on to make him feel close enough to you to want to be sexual, in which case, the date nights suggested above are the place to start.
    Great sex does not make for a great relationship, a great relationship makes for good sex. If in your earlier months together, sex was the primary way you bonded, maybe you did not get around to developing all the other important elements of relating.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. He is out drinking/getting so drunk he's hungover every single weekend. Porn, 'spicing things up', "getting kinky", etc. are useless in those circumstances because the real problems are not being addressed.

    Alcohol, a dull complacent domestic routine. Significant decrease in quality of the relationship since entering this dull domestic drudgery which consists of watching tv and him out getting drunk/being hungover Every Single Weekend.

    How does romance occur when someone is out all night, comes home drunk and is hungover the whole next day? Handcuffs and leather are not the cure for alcohol induced depression, low libido, low sexual performance and relationship problems.
    Originally Posted by LDJ
    Porn and alcohol might be the tools he is using for self soothing or escaping from not feeling very good about himself or life at this time. Great sex does not make for a great relationship, a great relationship makes for good sex.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by LDJ

    Great sex does not make for a great relationship, a great relationship makes for good sex.
    What a profound statement!

    And true however unfortunately our minds can play tricks with our emotions.

    When the sex is off the charts fabulous, we might convince ourselves the "relationship" is also great, when in reality it's anything but.

    We live in a state of denial and delusion; sex can be a very powerful bond for many people.

    Speaking from experience!

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    What a profound statement!

    And true however unfortunately our minds can play tricks with our emotions.

    When the sex is off the charts fabulous, we might convince ourselves the "relationship" is also great, when in reality it's anything but.

    We live in a state of delusion, all due to great sex; sex can be a very powerful bond for many people.

    Speaking from experience!
    I don't think we (the royal we) "convince ourselves that the relationship is great" we just convince ourselves that we can accept the horrible for the devine.

    I truly believe that when one is actually ready to be someone's forever partner, when they truly love themselves, they then, and only then, are self aware enough to quickly get rid of someone who clearly only does one thing for us but will eventually leave us shattered in the process.

    Also: Knowing the difference between lust and love will keep you safe from being shattered.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I was having a discussion about this just the other day, on what makes two people close and crazy in love.

    Obviously some could argue that it's the sex and you need to spice it up and so on. I have a different take on it.

    I don't feel it needs to be all porned up and all these positions and different gadgets. I think what makes sex good is if you have a deep connection with that person. If you truly love and accept each other. If you are each other's best friends and relate on many levels.

    If you're close emotionally like that, then just holding hands can be a very intimate and exciting feeling.
    Sex doesn't have to be all crazy. All you need to have is again, all the connections.
    I can relate completely to LDJ's statement, it's not the sex that makes the relationship great, a great relationship makes for good sex.
    I 110% agree!!

    Sex should be about intimacy, connecting, expressing the feelings you have for one another through touch.
    The whole point should be an expression of your shared love and not about achieving orgasm or how many pornos you can act out.

    Again, this is my opinion and from my own personal experience.
    I realize that everyone has different perspectives, experiences. etc.

    But I absolutely feel that sex can be much more explosive, fulfilling, passionate if it's based on expressing the love you share and about just being close.
    Focusing on touch, (which can be very powerful), kissing, etc. Rather than an orgasm.
    It out does porns etc, anyday.

    It's a higher level of connecting, rather than just physical.

  8. #37
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    I agree Sherry! Absolutely.

    But it doesn't have to be one or the other.

    You can have a very close intimate emotional connection and hot crazy sex!

    Not with porn or gadgets necessarily, my bf and I certainly don't need porn to have great sex, but it does serve to spice it up once in awhile. We don't use "gadgets" lol.

    But yeah I need the emotional connection otherwise sex is just meh and would rather not tbh, its all part of the package.

    Just me.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Samgirl83
    Has anyone had similar problems and have advice on what to do or could any man on the other side help me understand from a male point of view?
    The only POV's that matter are yours and your partner's. Have you spoken with him about the downturn in your sex life? How did he respond?

    How often do you want to have sex, and how much of a dealbreaker is it for you if partner doesn't want to increase what you have now?

  10. #39
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Samgirl83
    We're actually together 5 yrs just living together 2 yrs, we have watched porn together before might try it again we made s video years ago but I cringed watching it!
    If I may, consider individual videos; then if you watch it is a view of what your each person throughthe eyes of their loved one. Do not think of it as a porn-type film. Too 2D, too objectified, too much with which to compare yourselves.

  11. #40

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    From a mans point of view(and mor excusing anything, just observing) I think sometimes when a man gets into a serious committed relationship, it's easy to miss the thrill of the chase, or the ego kick when u find out the woman you want, is into you as well. Maybe next time he is willing to have sex, make him earn it. Give him the thrill of a chase again. Just a thought

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