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Thread: He's feeling it out

  1. #1
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    He's feeling it out

    I just got back into dating not long ago and then I met this guy I really like.
    We had texted a lot (including sexting) before we met up in person (Yes, we met online).
    He said that we should wait and not have sex too soon, at least not on the first date. He said maybe he's a bit of old-fashioned.

    We went on the first date and everything was great. He held my hand when we walked on streets. He became very touchy feely. His hands were on my body by the end of the date and tried to kiss me. I held the idea that we had agreed to practice self-control. So I didn't go along with it.
    We kissed goodbye and that was the the end of our first date.

    And then we kept texting. We arranged the second date. I had to cancel the second date because of some home crisis but he offered to help and run some errands with me. We ended up having sex that day. It was great and he stayed to have dinner, chatted and flirted a littie bit more before finally taking off.

    I haven't seen him after the second date since he's been on a trip. We would text each other here and there just to see how things went.

    Yesterday I woke up and just texted him that I missed him. He didn't resond immediately, which was a bit odd.
    So I said to him that if he's not feeling what I was feeling, he should let me know.
    Then he said, it's still early. He liked and enjoyed getting to know me but still he's feeling it out.

    I felt like I went head over heels to soon. So I suggested that we should take a break in order for me to clear my head. And that's where we are now.
    I mean yeah he's right. We have only known each other for less than 2 weesk and I have made myself too available and desperate. But I thoght that "I miss you" would just be a sweet thing to say.

    But taking a break is good. I am not back in my rational state of mind. And it feels great! However, I still think about what happened wth him and feel that dating is soooo hard.

  2. #2
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    Yesterday I woke up and just texted him that I missed him. He didn't resond immediately, which was a bit odd.
    So I said to him that if he's not feeling what I was feeling, he should let me know.



    woah. slow down. So if a guy doesn't text you back immediately, you have to have a "talk" about the relationship? you said yourself he was on a trip and that's why you hadn't seen him.
    You are correct in that you are coming off as very desperate in your words and actions.

  3. #3
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    Even if you did “miss” him, you should not text a guy “I miss you” after 2 dates. That’s way too soon and could potentially scare someone off. Also next time hold off on sleeping with them too, get to know someone first and wait a lot more than 2 dates before you do that. And suggesting you “take a break” after 2 dates- you’ve only had 2 dates! What are you taking a break from?!

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    You went from 2 dates to a relationship discussion to "taking a break" at warp speed. You definitely put the cart before the horse on this. You need to be really careful about sex too soon, but if you do it, it doesn't mean he feels the same or that you're suddenly bf/gf. You've got to take a step back and back off. If you get this attached after sex, you need to wait...awhile...before doing it, and have that exclusive discussion beforehand.

    He was on vacation and I think you should have just let the text issue go and not get all fraught over the fact he didn't get back to you immediately. I don't think saying "I miss you" was that bad (probably better not to say it, though), but the quick jump to turn this into an accusation and then breakup was bad. Ideally, you would have let it go, and wait until he's home and see where it goes and see if this relationship could grow.

    Try not to jump the gun so fast.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Even if you have sex early on it's not a relationship right away. So preemptive strikes like "said to him that if he's not feeling what I was feeling, he should let me know" and worse, " I suggested that we should take a break in order for me to clear my head" come across as odd and defensive. Take a break? Take a break from what? It's 2 dates not a relationship.

    He's acting like you did a lot of sexting, had sex and went on two dates. Are you hurt from a prior situation? Pace yourself and next time meet asap do not try to build rapport texting and worse sexting with someone you have never met. Wait until you feel comfortable to have sex. Don't try to build a long term committed relationship with some texts and 2 dates.

    Originally Posted by Mcasa1026
    We had texted a lot including sexting before we met up in person.

    We arranged the second date.We ended up having sex that day.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's not really that hard.

    You need to build a good friendship with someone, connect on many levels. Build up the anticipation of sex so there is something to look forward to.
    Leave the sexting until you are closer to becoming a couple. This could be after several weeks of actual dating.
    Spend time together finding out everything you can, but pace yourself.

    Make sure he knows who you are and you know who he is. Become good friends. But also add some mystery into it. Don't be too available or too desperate.
    Another reason why you don't have sex right away, leave some mystery.

    A man or woman won't fall in love with you if you throw everything on the table right away without building the connections.
    It's putting the cart before the horse and then wondering why it didn't work.

    Things take time, you have to have patience and actually build a foundation first.
    It's easy enough to chat for a couple weeks, end up in bed and think it's great. But it typically will fall flat like this and go nowhere.
    Which would you rather have, a take out Mcdonalds meal or a beautiful gourmet meal? Better results, take more time and more work.

    Spend more time dating, more time with romance, less time with sex. More time on friendship and flirting. Flirting doesn't have to be sex based. Don't become too impatient or pushy.

    You'll have better results.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Mcasa1026

    We ended up having sex that day.

    I haven't seen him after the second date since he's been on a trip.
    Yawn. Eye roll.

    Unless you're wanting just sex (which is fine no judgment from me), don't have first time sex wth guys just before they're leaving on a "trip." Ugh.

    Either he's not really on any trip or is using his trip to distance himself/fade out after sex with little drama.

    Move on this isnt going anywhere, sorry.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Yawn. Eye roll.

    Unless you're wanting just sex (which is fine no judgment from me), don't have first time sex wth guys just before they're leaving on a "trip." Ugh.

    Either he's not really on any trip or is using his trip to distance himself/fade out after sex with little drama.

    Move on this isnt going anywhere, sorry.
    I think it's not even the having sex before the trip, if they were feeling it that's perfectly fine BUT I think sexting should be avoided before two people meet each other. And I don't feel he was fading out or lying about the trip. It has only been 2 dates and if he was actually on a trip it's perfectly normal he's busy (I barely check my phone when I'm travelling). She shouldn't have freaked out with him not answering immediately while on a trip and then have relationship talk accusing him on not feeling what she's feeling and asking to take a break (from what? 2 dates?).

    We live we learn. Sometimes it's better to calm down and take it slower. Sex doesn't turn a few dates into a full blown relationship instantaneously.

  10. #9
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    Agree Annia.

    Trip or no trip, interrogating a man about his feelings/intentions is the kiss of death! Esprcially after a second date regardless of sex.

    OP not quite sure what you were thinking, perhaps you weren't and were allowing your anxiety and insecurity to steer the ship.

    And a break after two dates? I never heard of that.

    This guy is gone but moving forward, learn to manage anxiety yourself.

    I'm sorry.

    Edit: just my opinion and experience, but interested men will stay in touch even while on a "trip."
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-08-2019 at 01:33 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Agree Annia.

    Trip or no trip, interrogating a man about his feelings/intentions is the kiss of death! Esprcially after a second date regardless of sex.

    OP not quite sure what you were thinking, perhaps you weren't and were allowing your anxiety and insecurity to steer the ship.

    And a break after two dates? I never heard of that.

    This guy is gone but moving forward, learn to manage anxiety yourself.

    I'm sorry.

    Edit: just my opinion and experience, but interested men will stay in touch even while on a "trip."
    According to the OP they kept texting during his trip, simply not as frequently as when he was there. Also, he answered to her "I miss you" text, but he didn't answer immediately and that's what set off all of this. We can't be sure if he was still interested or not, but as you say, interrogations on feelings and intentions are the kiss of death, specially when there's just a couple dates under the belt and people don't know each other well yet.


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