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Thread: Not Quite How I Wanted to Come Back

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I hope you feel much better!
    Thank you Bat ❤️

  2. #72
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    Thank you Bat ❤️
    My son is home sick (I am fine so far, I usually don't get his bugs) but no plague like symptoms yet....! I am hoping he does something fetal like later so I can nap (congestion = not great sleep for him)

  3. #73
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    My son is home sick (I am fine so far, I usually don't get his bugs) but no plague like symptoms yet....! I am hoping he does something fetal like later so I can nap (congestion = not great sleep for him)
    Oh itís awful. And it came on out of no where within an hour or two as we were coming home. The humor is that I was trying to fight it off so I could be a that strong woman that takes no bs (Iím sure I looked SUPER strong sitting there sweating and shivering barely able to put one foot in front of the other ::facepalm::)

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    I so hope he feels better soon and you get a nap in so you can avoid this bug! Not sure how into tea he is, but I swear a third pillow to be propped up on and all the tea has kept me from losing my ever loving mind once the congestion hit.

  4. #74
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by akrngrl
    Update:

    All the events were great. Then my plan backfired in every way possible. I also got the plague and he spent the night having to take care of me while I was curled up in a fetal position of embarrassment.

    I have the details typed out, but I imagine everyone is probably over hearing every inch of my interactions so I was hesitant to post them. Honestly I just kind of feel like a burden and a let down.

    Also, probably not relevant to this forum, but I think Wiseman was on to something. Iím beginning to wonder if Iím just masking other issues with this. Like Iím latching on to this dating situation because itís something concrete I can focus on and rather than other elusive problems that are lurking in my subconscious. I say that because Iím still not sleeping and thereís nothing about this situation currently that should be causing that. Iím also crying a lot, but not about this directly and more about this sense of fear I have and the feelings that have been bubbling under the surface.

    Maybe itís just the illness, but I just feel like Iíve lost my way somehow and for whatever reason that makes me so incredibly sad.
    Thanks for the update and I hope you feel better, getting sick sucks.

    Can I just take a guess and say I think you donít want to post because you maybe know you ďfell forĒ whatever reasons he gave and maybe you dont want us to lecture you?

    I feel like you attempting to say it must be something else is a red herring.

    You let him take care of you. That isnít his role any more. And you know that.

    Unless you want it to be his role which is fine, no judgement, but at the same time you donít get to pretend to not be ok with all this if you accept it.

    I donít know, tell me if Iím being too harsh, Iím not trying to be. Itís just youíre talking about being sick and expanding on that while weíre all being suffocated by the elephant in the room.

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  6. #75
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Thanks for the update and I hope you feel better, getting sick sucks.

    Can I just take a guess and say I think you donít want to post because you maybe know you ďfell forĒ whatever reasons he gave and maybe you dont want us to lecture you?

    I feel like you attempting to say it must be something else is a red herring.

    You let him take care of you. That isnít his role any more. And you know that.

    Unless you want it to be his role which is fine, no judgement, but at the same time you donít get to pretend to not be ok with all this if you accept it.

    I donít know, tell me if Iím being too harsh, Iím not trying to be. Itís just youíre talking about being sick and expanding on that while weíre all being suffocated by the elephant in the room.
    Not harsh at all FIO. It just wasnít how I wanted it to go or really any of the scenarios I had assumed and even though it sounds like/probably is and excuse, me feeling like absolute trash as I was trying to be who I said I would be really hampered that ability.

    Being lectured is probably preferred, I was mostly worried that the general consensus would be ďyouíre hopeless, donít post here anymoreĒ.

    I expected a shocked (oh crud-busted) reaction as Iíd gotten before and any time I brought anything up of this nature OR the nonchalant (yeah Iím on it is what it is/Iím not your bf I can do what I want). Maybe Iím dumb but I kind of figured thereíd be a marginal amount of words transpired.

    Basically he denied it and deleted the apps off his phone (I said something like ďwe shouldnít have even kept them On our phone if we had no intention of using themĒ as in, I was reflecting back) then got (something Iíve never seen before directed at me) very annoyed/angry that I didnít believe him. He shut the heck down quicker than anything-arms crossed over his chest, head back on the couch and eyes closed. Like WOULD not engage.

    Iím sitting there baffled and like unsure of what to do (itís 2 am at this point because of course we got home super late) so I get my shoes and I guess he was squinting so he asked what I was doing and I said ďI donít think I should stay so Iím getting ready to leaveĒ or something like that. He said something to the effect of ďIíd rather you didnítĒ eyes still closed and arms crossed deadpan, no emotion and it was like a cross between a request and an order.

    I think I was mostly just VERY uncomfortable and Iím full force into feeling like the underside of someoneís shoe. So Iím like okay I just need to get out of this room and go for a walk at least because Iím at a loss and I own that I chickened out/felt too crummy to be this sassy take no bs lady I set out to be.

    I donít know, maybe he just got into work mode because heís in law enforcement. Basically launched (and my launched I mean again same not even acknowledging my existence and phrasing things like a request, but they sounded like orders) into how there is no way heís letting me drive all that way home at this hour and how there is no way on gods green earth that Iím wandering around the streets alone for a walk at 2 am. (Thatís kind of what happened when I had my panic attack and I just wanted to leave and go to the store for some crackers and it was late and he was like ďuhm Iím 3000% coming you are not going out alone this lateĒ)

    There I am trying to lighten the mood with humor because well clearly thatís my only coping mechanism. I go for a ten minute walk to which he starts doing work and declines going to bed until Iím ďsafe back in the roomĒ. On my walk I contemplate ďleavingĒ and just really sleeping in my car in the parking lot (because Iím not staying in that strange environment and because I told everyone this was it) and because I questioned my ability to make it home.

    I got back and I donít know if it was the time apart or if he just noticed how bad I must have looked because he snapped right into caretaker mode.

    Basically I havenít even thought about things enough to have any emotion about the events.

  7. #76
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Thanks for the update and I hope you feel better, getting sick sucks.

    Can I just take a guess and say I think you donít want to post because you maybe know you ďfell forĒ whatever reasons he gave and maybe you dont want us to lecture you?

    I feel like you attempting to say it must be something else is a red herring.

    You let him take care of you. That isnít his role any more. And you know that.

    Unless you want it to be his role which is fine, no judgement, but at the same time you donít get to pretend to not be ok with all this if you accept it.

    I donít know, tell me if Iím being too harsh, Iím not trying to be. Itís just youíre talking about being sick and expanding on that while weíre all being suffocated by the elephant in the room.
    Thanks and yes we are doing that!

  8. #77
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    I think it was a mistake to see him or to have any conversation about the dating apps. Nothing new under the sun. I don't think you need to put more thought or analysis into it -if you truly want potential for a serious relationship in your future with someone else - then I would cut off all contact with him now and do whatever distracting thing will help you be disciplined about no contact.

  9. #78
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    then got (something Iíve never seen before directed at me) very annoyed/angry that I didnít believe him. He shut the heck down quicker than anything-arms crossed over his chest, head back on the couch and eyes closed. Like WOULD not engage.
    He got angry with you not because you didn't believe him, but because he got busted. It is a typical reaction when a cheater/liar is caught red-handed. And then he shut down because he had no time to prepare a convenient lie, so silence was his only refuge. He showed you his true colors, and please look at these dark colors with your eyes wide open. Actually he was gaslighting you. In the face of convincing evidence that he did use the dating app, somehow he managed to convince you that your perceptions are incorrect and that you have to blindly believe him.
    Then he used your cold, as an excuse to get out of the discussion on his bad behavior, and his taking care of you was very convenient excuse to shift the focus. As per your account of events he sounds controlling towards you, obstructing your will to go out for a walk and barking orders at you. You are an adult, and you need not taking orders from anyone.


    I was very worried about you AK-girl, when I read about your intention to visit him to confront him in person, because some men turn physically aggressive when called on their cheating. So, I'm very glad that you are physically safe and sound, but I'm now worried about your emotional and psychological well-being, as I see that the gaslighting has started working on you. You are questioning yourself:
    Honestly I just kind of feel like a burden and a let down...Like Iím latching on to this dating situation because itís something concrete I can focus on and rather than other elusive problems that are lurking in my subconscious.
    Please don't. I read your previous threads in one breath, stayed well into the night, this is why I was late to comment before you left for the visit. Let me tell you that you strike me as quite intelligent and well-spoken. You may have your challenges with anxiety, but certainly you have a head on your shoulders. Please trust your thoughts and perceptions, do not let a wolf in sheep's clothing brainwash you.

  10. #79
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    So, bottom line. Have you decided to keep dating and sleeping with him?

  11. #80
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    Do you understand that the high level of stress you have experienced weakened your immune system and invited these germs to wreak havoc on your body? This, in addition to the insomnia, is creating a party-house for whatever viruses and bacteria that decide to set up camp.

    It's time to stop this.

    Now, your quasi-BF might have come across as a jerk, but he did what he should have done, and kept you from being completely stupid, not only endangering yourself, but potentially endangering others. You were sick with the "plague" so you were really sick, irrational, emotional...and you thought it would be a good idea to wander the streets at 2 in the morning? Drive home 2-3 hours in your state of sleep deprivation and virus-filled, feverish body; sleep in the car? Hate him all you want, I'm glad he put on his cop attitude and shut you down.

    Now home safely, end this. It's done.

    It hurts, and I know the hurt. I just got hit once again with hurtful actions...difference for me is I walked into this knowing it was "not a thing," but it's impossible to shut off your feelings...when there are feelings. Don't continue on with a relationship that affects your health and livelihood and job.

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