Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 14 of 14

Thread: Girlfriend is talking about living separately

  1. #11
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    178
    Right before I was diagnosed, she had surgery for her fibroid and she claims I "wasn't there" for her because I was always on my phone reading about my biopsy (this was before I got diagnosed). I don't understand because I took two days off from work while she was in the hospital. She was barely coherent and was in bed. Yes, I got on my phone, but I was there to help her go to the bathroom and talk to her when she was able to. She still claims I wasn't "mentally present."
    Honestly, I think you are both communicating in two different languages. You showed your support the way in which you thought was appropriate. But she was needing support differently. Simplifying it, for you "being there" means one thing and for her it means another.

    What are your love languages? I would recommend you read about it and take the test. ([Register to see the link] )

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    30
    Loving one another is not enough, you have to two healthy people to make a happy life. Nothing good comes from staying in a relationship because you can't cope with being alone. A relationship cannot heal you, nor can a partner, you have to overcome your anxiety and neediness. Her claim that you should live apart and not date anyone else sends a confusing and controlling message and doesn't make much sense. That and her accusation that you were not there for her adequately when she was hospitalized are only feeding your anxiety and eroding your self esteem. It doesn't sound like you two are a happy couple, why stick with it? Get yourself strong and healthy mentally and learn how to cope with the challenges life surely brings. Once you have an emotionally healthy individual, you can part half of a happy couple by finding a relationship that provides positive reinforcement rather than one that brings you further down.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,242
    Gender
    Female
    There's no way I'd continue to live with someone who's not all-in. I wouldn't psyche myself into dramatizing the worst, but I'd certainly give GF the distance to figure out where she wants to stand going forward--and without applying pressure or influence. I'd find a small place for myself that's affordable, and I'd keep my dignity while moving out cleanly.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    14
    Gender
    Male
    Yes, absolutely work on being more selfless. I think that is your BEST move. She seems to have that for you from what I can gather, and it should most definitely be reciprocated. If you two decide to live apart and get some space from each other, it may not be a bad thing at all. Youíve both been stressed by health issues, so I can see how that could make things difficult. She got sick first, and you were worried about yourself at the same time. She was just as scared about her condition as you were yours. But the fact of the matter is that you are the man, and sometimes you have to stand up and be exactly that so that your woman feels safe and protected.

    I think she just needs some space right now and might even be concerned about any kind of codependency that could be developing in your relationship. If thatís the case, I feel she is super smart for recognizing and acting on it.

    Now, Coming into your office kissing you and holding your hand, thatís just priceless. Actions speak louder than words. From here on out, Make Dam sure you do the same kinds of things for her regardless if you continue to live together or not. If she does move out, I kinda think it would light a fire under your butt to look at what she truly wants and expects from you. So not a bad thing, maybe you need that time to check yourself. No offense.

    Be open in thinking that this move could bring you two closer together, and may even be necessary in establishing an ultimate trustable understanding to be valued for your future together. Good chance with some space between you, you will be able to look back at your past arguments when you were living together and realize just how petty some of them were. Or recognize your differences and then be able to deal with them rationally and as partners.

    Sometimes change is necessary to switch things up so that they donít continue as unhealthy routine. Donít think of this as a break up, but more like a time out to make things right. You maybe at a turning point right now but for some reason I can see some good things coming out of this for the both of you. She loves you dude! I say give it a chance and stay positive through the duration. Sure, youíll miss her not being there all the time. But when you do see her, itís going to start feeling way different.

  5.  

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •