Bf following naked instagram models

I could talk to him but even if he is so understanding and stop what he is doing, he might go back to old habits. Becuse clearly, since he is doing it for 3 months openly, he thinks its normal to follow insta models when in a relationship. And its like an obsession to him. Isnt it?

And I dont know how should I discuss this topic with him and what to say exactly. I am thinking about asking him if he would be happy if I follwed naked men models who looks completely different from him. How would that make him feel.

Are you going to discuss it with him?

I am considering it. But I wanna keep my dignity and value. So i dont know what I should say exactly.

And him texting me today how happy he is that I walked into his life and that he cant imagine his life without me now makes me feel even worse.

OT but I use to follow a bunch of those girls and deleted them all a few days ago. They're all narcissistic attention w****s doing anything for a few likes, its actually pretty sad.

I agree with you, but I follow some of these girls, not the naked ones, insta models with good sense of fashion style, or hair styling, girly stuff. But tbh my problem is I believe that I was born and live in a wrong era. I am an old-fashioned girl. I dont know where I got my values from but I have a way of thinking which doesnt help me to find a decent person to have a relationship with.

For example this guy, he behaves like a very loving, caring, respectful person in person but once I check his social media account, I dont wanna see him. It puts me off. Why? Because to me, following nakes girls once in a relationship with me is wrong. I mean, I regret having such a way of tihnking. But thats just how I am.

I have tried to adjust myself to fit in, but it doesnt work. I feel left out most times.

There’s no harm in looking.

It’s when they try to start messaging these models then you should be worried.

 

And I dont know how should I discuss this topic with him and what to say exactly. I am thinking about asking him if he would be happy if I follwed naked men models who looks completely different from him. How would that make him feel.

That sounds a bit passive aggressive.

How about asking him is he's aware that any one can see his activity and that his level of interest and activity makes you uncomfortable?

Because I think most guys wouldn't care much if you looked at pictures of men, honestly. Or at least they'd view the situation differently and might not be able to empathize with how you feel about it.

 

 

I would go with option «C» (your two options were to either break up without explanation or tell him why you are upset and give him a chance). I would simply say that you’ve thought a lot about his insta followings and it’s really something that bothers you to the core. It’s not something that you want to think about or deal with - and there are probably plenty of people that would be ok with that - so you are just going to call it «incompatible» and move on. He may try to argue the point - but just stick to your guns, be true to yourself and move on.

 

Thank you for the advice.

Thank you for the advice.

This is perfect. Its a great example of owning your choices, and it avoids having to say anything or anyone is wrong. If I like the color red, and you prefer blue, neither of us is wrong or right, just different.

Rhetorical innuendos will get you nowhere. It comes off as insecure, catty, jealous, immature and as if he's on trial for something. Plus the answer for him is easy. "no it wouldn't bother me". Boom! You lost and the whole backhanded thing backfires in your face. 🤯

And you don't "keep your dignity", you don't improve the relationship, you don't train him or teach him a lesson. He walks away thinking 'wow dodged a bullet..insecure, jealous, controlling!' And you walk away with...?

The bottom line is he's doing it because he likes it, not to hurt you or disrespect you or embarrass you. These are your feelings, not his motives. If he's not the right guy for you admit it and break up, it's that simple.

I am thinking about asking him if he would be happy if I follwed naked men models who looks completely different from him. How would that make him feel.

I agree with you, but I follow some of these girls, not the naked ones, insta models with good sense of fashion style, or hair styling, girly stuff. But tbh my problem is I believe that I was born and live in a wrong era. I am an old-fashioned girl. I dont know where I got my values from but I have a way of thinking which doesnt help me to find a decent person to have a relationship with.

 

For example this guy, he behaves like a very loving, caring, respectful person in person but once I check his social media account, I dont wanna see him. It puts me off. Why? Because to me, following nakes girls once in a relationship with me is wrong. I mean, I regret having such a way of tihnking. But thats just how I am.

 

I have tried to adjust myself to fit in, but it doesnt work. I feel left out most times.

Are you taking care of him in the bedroom? Are you SURE?

I and a good friend of mine have both found ourselves in sexually unsatisfying relationships and there's nothing worse and when you aren't being satisfied, you go looking elsewhere for it - whether you want to or not.

Are you taking care of him in the bedroom? Are you SURE?

 

I and a good friend of mine have both found ourselves in sexually unsatisfying relationships and there's nothing worse and when you aren't being satisfied, you go looking elsewhere for it - whether you want to or not.

"We are not even having sex yet, because I dont feel ready." She's not sleeping with him yet but she must obviously do some other things.

He always tells me that he wouldnt do anything to upset me. But clearly he is not aware that what he is doing is disrespectful and upsetting me. Men can say anything to a woman but its their actions which matters. I am not sure now if I should talk or not say anyting and leave with dignity.

Well, if you are sure that he "clearly" is unaware that he is upsetting and disrespecting you then perhaps you might feel better telling him (depending upon how much you like this guy). But, remember, that this whole issue is very upsetting to you. Are you willing to put up with this? And, no, you should not change the way that you view this. Stay true to yourself. If it bothers you, it bothers you. Plain and simple. I still say that you should leave. I don't think he is the one for you. Good luck.

"We are not even having sex yet, because I dont feel ready." She's not sleeping with him yet but she must obviously do some other things.

I rest my case

Why tell him? I honestly don't think doing so is owning your choices. "You do this; therefore, we are incompatible" is designating the other person's behavior as the affirmative rather than one's own attitude toward it. That but for them amending their behavior, you'd deem them worthy of your effort, rather than you amending yours to accept his. Hopefully you can see why it's problematic, particularly when so early into things.

That's not at all saying you're wrong to have your preferences and to stick to them, but again, in so far as harm isn't concerned, I'd try to take the attitude of "I don't like what he does" rather than "he does something I don't like." I've never identified a woman's harmless behavior when letting her know I don't see us going anywhere. If they enjoy doing something, even if it's scrolling through Instagram models, I'd rather she continue without my influencing otherwise so that she may find someone who wouldn't care while she continues enjoying it.

On 2/6/2019 at 8:11 PM, sensitivegirl0 said:

Hello,

 

I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful.

 

Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all.

 

 

I am conflicted.

 

On one side:

 

- I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men).

 

- Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh).

 

- So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring?

 

 

On the other hand:

 

- I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there.

 

--

 

I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue.

 

Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous?

 

Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected.

 

Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about?

 

I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?

Hi, I know this post is a bit old but I was trying to find some answers around the web cos today I woke up with the same "problem". Hope you're doing better now.
My boyfriend right now is away working in another city. He's from there but actually planning to live in mine. We've been dating since 6 months, right now 2-1/2 months away, and looking to meet again in 2 or 3 months, let's see what covid19 says about it. All has been fine but all of the sudden he started to follow these ***ty accounts. The reason why I notice it is because there are profiles recommendations that say he's actually following them, and the follows are recent. I wouldn't call it "stalking". At some point you're gonna start notice this behavior which I don't think is bad but,  in my case, and after knowing he doesn't use to do this things, is weird. Specially because of the distance, I don't want to think he's starting to loose interest.
I wouldn't give it much importance because they are only "models", you know? But hey, I could send him some pics if he feels alone. I am also pretty and interesting. And there is where you feel not insecure but, a little insulted... It is hard to talk about it cos sounds silly, but if there is a good relationship, shouldn't matter... Instead, ask him to spice things up without talking about those accounts...
I know your case is or was a bit different from mine in some ways. And I hope you are feeling better now.
xx

Here's my male point of view.  Go with option 2 first.  I also follow similar accounts (not sure who he follows) and I will stop following them when my fiancee gets here.  In fact, I will do a complete clean up of my phone and she will have access, so no secrets.  So its not necessarily a clash in values.  He, like I, have been used to being single.  Lifestyle changes are necessary.

On 2/7/2019 at 5:11 PM, reinventmyself said:

 

That sounds a bit passive aggressive.

How about asking him is he's aware that any one can see his activity and that his level of interest and activity makes you uncomfortable?

 

Because I think most guys wouldn't care much if you looked at pictures of men, honestly. Or at least they'd view the situation differently and might not be able to empathize with how you feel about it.

Exactly true, because here's the thing.  Generally men are visual and women aren't.  So if a woman was looking at a man, it would likely be a specific one who she might be communicating with.

On 2/8/2019 at 8:02 AM, goddess said:

 

"We are not even having sex yet, because I dont feel ready." She's not sleeping with him yet but she must obviously do some other things.

Its not a committed relationship until you are having sex.  Thats my opinion, and others will differ.  So therefore, cut him some slack for now.

45 minutes ago, Atlguy said:

Its not a committed relationship until you are having sex.  Thats my opinion, and others will differ.  So therefore, cut him some slack for now.

This original poster hasn't been back for 2.5 years, so apparently the issue is resolved.

1 hour ago, Atlguy said:

Its not a committed relationship until you are having sex.  Thats my opinion, and others will differ.  So therefore, cut him some slack for now.

please check date of thread and the last post before posting.

Yeah yeah, saw that afterwards.  She's probably married to someone else by now, maybe another virgin.

Agree he shouldn't follow naked insta models of whatever publicly. That's just a bit weird. What would his mother think? 😉

If you are saying that you can't be with a guy that looks at porn, then that is of course up to you, but you should know you are limiting yourself to about 10% (at a guess) of the male population.

What is more likely to happen is you get a new bf who tells you he doesn't watch it, when really he does, he just keeps it private, like most men do. This will just make another problem for you which will be trust issues.

edit - dammit. Old thread! Never mind, might help some other person with porn problems

I am in the same situation and believe i will just dump him. I am having a daily turn off and think I could spend my energy in more productive things. If a guys is 30 or even 40 (my case) I should not even need to have this talk.. it is so low value bahaviour and I think I deserve better ...  I do think it is disrespectful, how would you react if you would see your best friends boyfriend doing that? You would think he is creepy.. and thats what this behaviour is at the end.. 😕

I feel you and am having the same issue. I am not insecure, but it gives me a huge turn off. It is lsuch a low value man if every woman can get him, só why should i be the stupid one. I think i will just dump the guy. I dont wanna deal with some internet pervert.  I dont know about you, but the guy i am dating does like them on a daily basis. I even feel embaressed. 😞 see how you feel about it and most important about him. In my case I am most Lively exiting this situation, because i think i deserve better 😕