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Thread: Bf following naked instagram models

  1. #1
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    Bf following naked instagram models

    Hello,

    I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful.

    Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all.


    I am conflicted.

    On one side:

    - I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men).

    - Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh).

    - So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring?


    On the other hand:

    - I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there.

    --

    I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue.

    Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous?

    Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected.

    Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about?

    I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?
    Last edited by sensitivegirl0; 02-06-2019 at 10:33 PM.

  2. #2
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    This sounds like a clash of values to me, and it also sounds like you are trying to rationalize the incompatibility rather than acknowledge that it is a big deal to you and therefore a deal breaker. From my experience, if you communicate your boundary on this, most guys will just go underground with their viewing habits, they don't share your value so they don't see it as something they should have to stop doing. You will hear from all corners that his is what most men are like, that its not cheating so don't make a big deal out of it, etc. But none of this is going to make you feel very good about being in a relationship with a guy who doesn't share you values on this as being disrespectful. Ask yourself, will you come to feel he disrespects you and women in general? How will that impact the health of our relationship down the road? Will resentments grow? Trust ? Will it affect the sexual well being of your relationship? These are high intensity impacts for a relationship to endure in the long run.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Just end it.

    If he wants to look at pretty things on IG, he should do that. If you donít want to date someone who looks at pretty things on IG, donít date them.

    Sorry to be blunt, but if this is something that gets to you this is just so not the dude for you.

    Youíll find someone more on your plane.

  4. #4
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    I have to agree it does come down to a clash of values and you may be happier to seek out other men who don't publicly follow models and porn stars. My partner does this and the first few years we were dating I didn't really care or notice but it has become a problem for me and makes me feel an array of emotion. Some of them are my own insecurities sure but I wish he would be more discreet with looking at women...go on their page look and delete the history! Why must you follow them etc. It is a bit much and as you say most men would be put off by their girlfriend following pages of naked men

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    I mean, unless he's messaging the girls, isn't it the equivalent of viewing porn? I don't know what your policy on porn is, but watching it and masturbation in general seems normal to me.

    I don't know if following those accounts constitutes as "lusting" after the women, and the fact that it is public likely means he didn't even consider that this would bother you.

    If it really bothers you, talk to him in a reasonable manner before dumping him. The conversation may lead to a breakup, which is also fine, but you could give the guy the chance to say his peace. I think you should be aware, though, that even if he agrees to not follow the women that most of the profiles that men follow on Instagram of half-naked women are public. Oh, and he definitely watches porn, so it really won't change anything at all. The fact that you say you want him to hide the behavior from you strikes me as weird. Don't you want to know who your partner is and that they are being honest with you?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by JSDXO
    I have to agree it does come down to a clash of values and you may be happier to seek out other men who don't publicly follow models and porn stars. My partner does this and the first few years we were dating I didn't really care or notice but it has become a problem for me and makes me feel an array of emotion. Some of them are my own insecurities sure but I wish he would be more discreet with looking at women...go on their page look and delete the history! Why must you follow them etc. It is a bit much and as you say most men would be put off by their girlfriend following pages of naked men
    Doesnt it effect your relationship? Do you trust your partner? Or dont you feel disrespected?

  8. #7
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    I do trust him I think it just tugs at my insecurities and I rather he do it completely privately. I don't think it's nessacary as I said to have it all out in the open.

    Yes people view porn. Yes people have fantasies.. Yes it's normal. But it's just something I'm cool with not being right in my face!!! Keeping your porn under wraps is not keeping secrets to me it's just normal. I view porn.. On my ingonito browser page. I don't keep. That stuff on my social media and I know my partner wouldn't like it if I did.

    I guess I do feel disrespected in a way but at the end of the day I try to push these feelings aside bc like I said I do trust him and I want to be realistic.

  9. #8
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    Sounds like you want to change his behavior to something you would prefer.

    That never works out well.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    Sounds like you want to change his behavior to something you would prefer.

    That never works out well.
    Thats the thing. I do not want to change his behaviour. That is why I rather just break up with him. But again, does it worth breaking up over something like this? As others said its about clash of values and as LDJ said I need to consider the long term effects on the relationship.

    Since it has been only 3 months, it is better to cut it off now then later.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Not all men follow Instagram 'models' , so there's that. If you don't care for it, pass. This is early stages where you decide if you can see yourself with the person AS IS.
    Honestly, it's not that big a deal to not like this. I have never seriously dated a man who was into this sort of social media following of 'models' or publicity profiles etc. There are plenty of men out there where this isn't something they spend their time doing.

    Different ways of looking at it. I don't see it as porn. To me, it's closer to collecting cards of strippers. Just a turn off and kinda.. sad. To each their own, as they say! Point is, don't feel bad because you aren't 'cool' with this - who cares if some people don't see it that way.

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