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Thread: Bf following naked instagram models

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    Thats the thing. I do not want to change his behaviour. That is why I rather just break up with him. But again, does it worth breaking up over something like this? As others said its about clash of values and as LDJ said I need to consider the long term effects on the relationship.

    Since it has been only 3 months, it is better to cut it off now then later.
    That is, unfortunately, the best call - if its a deal breaker.

    Some couples watch porn together to spice up their sex life. Some don't. There is no right or wrong here.

  2. #12
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    I would find it crass that he's doing it in such a public way. I assume that his other social media contacts can also see who he's following and so on.

    I really don't care if a man is viewing porn or browsing naked ladies discreetly. I would simply find it low-brow for a grown man to be doing so on social media for all to see. Would I tell him to stop? No. He can do what he wants. But I would reevaluate if this is the man for me; I appreciate a guy with more discretion and maturity.

    How old is he, OP?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree with everyone to just end it. You two are in fact incompatible and have clashing values not to mention 3 mos fraught with multiple worries and difficulties. You'll feel much freer and happier.

    This is an insightful and good approach. Do not bother explaining, acting jealous or admitting to stalking his social media constantly. Just depart with dignity.
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person.

  4. #14
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Not all men follow Instagram 'models' , so there's that. If you don't care for it, pass. This is early stages where you decide if you can see yourself with the person AS IS.
    Honestly, it's not that big a deal to not like this. I have never seriously dated a man who was into this sort of social media following of 'models' or publicity profiles etc. There are plenty of men out there where this isn't something they spend their time doing.

    Different ways of looking at it. I don't see it as porn. To me, it's closer to collecting cards of strippers. Just a turn off and kinda.. sad. To each their own, as they say! Point is, don't feel bad because you aren't 'cool' with this - who cares if some people don't see it that way.
    It's not really the same as strippers and strip club behavior because he is just viewing photos. I'm struggling to understand why him following Instagram "models" is different separate from the public nature, but I do agree that I've dated plenty of men that don't do so and it would likely be easy to find someone who doesn't.

    OP, the only comment you didn't acknowledge was mine (the one that did not necessarily suggest breaking up was the correct move) so you must really just want to end things. At the end of the day, if you don't want to be with a person, any reason is "good enough". Saying your incompatible is a good breakip line. Go NC after and don't jerk the guy around if you have doubts about it at a later date.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    That is, unfortunately, the best call - if its a deal breaker.

    Some couples watch porn together to spice up their sex life. Some don't. There is no right or wrong here.
    We are not even having sex yet, because I dont feel ready.

    I wouldnt mind if we were wathing porn together thats a different story.

    But looks like I will just end. Thanks anyways.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    It's not really the same as strippers and strip club behavior because he is just viewing photos. I'm struggling to understand why him following Instagram "models" is different separate from the public nature, but I do agree that I've dated plenty of men that don't do so and it would likely be easy to find someone who doesn't.

    OP, the only comment you didn't acknowledge was mine (the one that did not necessarily suggest breaking up was the correct move) so you must really just want to end things. At the end of the day, if you don't want to be with a person, any reason is "good enough". Saying your incompatible is a good breakip line. Go NC after and don't jerk the guy around if you have doubts about it at a later date.

    The fact that you say you want him to hide the behavior from you strikes me as weird. Don't you want to know who your partner is and that they are being honest with you?
    I want someoenw who respects me enough to hide this behaviour ofcourse. I am not saying he should go on and cheat on me. But I would love to be with someone who cares enough to hide tis activity. I already know that men loves looking at naked woman. But I dont need to see that, especially when we are away during the weekdays, him texting me how much he misses me, cares about me etc but then following naked woman. It doesnt feel right to me.

    I dont want to break up with him at all. I am quite upset that I will have to end things tbh. I am also feelng upset bcz I am planing to end things whie he is planing a holiday together for us soon. I just wish he was mature and sensitive enough to not do such thing so we could continue our reltaionship happily (on my side, bcz I know he is happy already).
    Last edited by sensitivegirl0; 02-07-2019 at 08:17 AM.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I would find it crass that he's doing it in such a public way. I assume that his other social media contacts can also see who he's following and so on.

    I really don't care if a man is viewing porn or browsing naked ladies discreetly. I would simply find it low-brow for a grown man to be doing so on social media for all to see. Would I tell him to stop? No. He can do what he wants. But I would reevaluate if this is the man for me; I appreciate a guy with more discretion and maturity.

    How old is he, OP?
    Agree with everything you said.

    He is 28.

  9. 02-07-2019, 08:14 AM

  10. #18
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    I dont want to break up with him at all. I am quite upset that I will have to end things tbh. I am also feelng upset bcz I am planing to end things whie he is planing a holiday together for us soon. I just wish he was mature and sensitive enough to not do such thing so we could continue our reltaionship happily
    This is why I suggested having a singular conversation where you expressed how you felt before ending the relationship without explanation. I understand that you are worried about being controlling, but I have a feeling you're going to regret not addressing the issue with him before ending it. You always have the option of ending it if he acts like your feelings about this (probably) unimportant behavior to him don't matter, but a lot of guys would be just fine with unfollowing the porn-y Instagram accounts to be with a real girl that they really like.

    However, I've never met your boyfriend and he could be a shady guy not worth dating. I just wouldn't presume it based on this piece of information. Props for being willing to make hard choices so you can be happy, though. Usually on enotalone it is mostly people who cling and cling even when it is clearly toxic or over.

  11. #19
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    This would and has been a deal breaker for me in relationships. The way I see it is, if a guy is into ty girls like that. Then he is not the one for me and I’m definitely not the one for him. I do not agree that it is he same as porn at all either. Not only is it on a public forum, but it is constantly in your face, all day. I’m 28 and sad to say but I go on Instagram multiple times a day, without even thinking of it, and just scroll. And most people that age and younger do. Meaning he is viewing these types of scantily clad women mostly likely numerous times a day. I cannot fathom how this constant exposure to sexualized images can not alter someone’s sexuality or desensitize them to it in some way. Also the amount of photoshopping and plastic surgery these women get to look that way is absurd! Not to mention that most of these women work out for a living. What normal, every day woman can measure up to these standards? I understand it’s almost equivalent to runway models, but the amount of exposure and number of these extremely photoshopped “models” makes it so that men actually believe that these women are just everywhere... and they are not. I would find a guy that does not subscribe to these totally unattainable standards of “beauty”.

  12. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you going to discuss it with him?
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    I dont want to break up with him at all. I am planing to end things. he is planing a holiday together for us soon. I just wish he was mature and sensitive enough to not do such thing so we could continue our reltaionship happily.

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