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Thread: Is phone sex cheating?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    This is beyond her not orgasming. The emotional intimacy is gone. He shows her non of the outside the bedroom affection and is quite indifferent to her.

    Op: How can anyone nurture a relationship when they have been mostly apart for 7 years? Trying to get back that initial connection you two once felt now (when your long distance ends) is one long road uphill. Look into that codependency and don't lock yourself and him into a life of what you've painted in your opening post.

    BTW: Learn from this and don't rely on new relationship energy to convince you that not orgasming with him is fine because of the hormone rush/passion you feel with a new partner.... New relationship energy wanes fast.

    Did you fake your orgasms with him? If you didn't, how on earth did he live with himself knowing you had to bring yourself there everytime you were sexually intimate?

  2. #12
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    yes.. phone sex is cheating. it may not be physical betrayel to a partner but it CERTAINLY is mental, emotional, and psychological betrayel to your partner.
    The golden rule is this: would your partner feel betrayed if you did it in front of them? would you be okay if your partner did the very same thing with somebody else on you?

    If your partner would feel betrayed if you did it in front of them - it's cheating
    If you would feel betrayed if your partner did it with somebody else to you - its cheating.

  3. #13
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    "However my fiancé has never been emotionally or physically present, or available to my needs.
    Not once in our 7 years has he given me any physical pleasure in the bedroom and I haven’t complained once about it- yet he knows how much intimacy in the bedroom means to me"

    I cant figure out why you are agreeing to marry a guy that isnt there for you. you want to be with someone FOREVER that doesnt 'do it' for you?
    call off the engagement.
    maybe youve met someone great, and maybe you havent. but your fiance isnt great for you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you guys are, OP? That will inform another round of thoughts.

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  6. #15
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    Well he’s 28 and I’m 24

  7. #16
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    I think you have long outgrown your relationship and are not ready to actually marry anyone.

    That is not a shot against you; it's normal at your age and especially if you've been with the same guy since you were just 17. You two sound like a good friends, but not a compatible romantic couple. What worked as teens doesn't work anymore as young adults.

    I do think you are not being honest with yourself about how unhappy you truly are with your fiance. He might be a good guy overall, but it doesn't mean hes the right partner for you. You have a difficult choice to make - either have an honest talk about trying to fix things (and work out a plan to strive towards that) or end the relationship.

    The phone sex is a symptom of a much deeper problem.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's a very simple rule...if your partner is not meeting your needs GO TALK TO THEM, it's not an excuse to cheat, ever!

    It's a very simple rule and yes it is very much black and white. Life doesn't have to be complicated.

    If you talk to them and nothing is sorted out, end things and then go sex chat someone else.

    That's all there is to it.

    And you got sick and cried because you know you were being sneaky and cheating. Karma comes around and I don't think you'll like it when you're on the other side of being cheated on.

  9. #18
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I can't for the life of me figure out WHY you are still with him, and even worse, still intent marrying him. ~truly gobsmacked~ This sham of a "relationship" clearly is going nowhere. If you can't communicate your true feelings after a seven years relationship, then you're in major trouble. Good communication is key to any successful relationship. Do BOTH of you a great favor and end it now - unless you thrive on the idea of living in misery for the rest of your life.

    Oh, and yes, phone sex is cheating.

  10. #19
    Gold Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    It's a very simple rule...if your partner is not meeting your needs GO TALK TO THEM, it's not an excuse to cheat, ever!

    It's a very simple rule and yes it is very much black and white. Life doesn't have to be complicated.

    If you talk to them and nothing is sorted out, end things and then go sex chat someone else.

    That's all there is to it.

    And you got sick and cried because you know you were being sneaky and cheating. Karma comes around and I don't think you'll like it when you're on the other side of being cheated on.
    Couldn't have said it better myself.

    OP, I'd like to add something. You say that you would like him to put his hand on the small of your back in public, greet you with a real kiss after a long time of not seeing each other, hold your hand, have fun with you and not pull away from you. Yet he knows that you resent him sometimes. How could he not? You'd be surprised what's communicated through body language and tone of voice. My point is he 1) senses that you are unhappy with him so in his mind why bother touching you in public if his touches don't do anything for you? and 2) is reacting to you. How can he happily hold your hand and put his arm around you when you admittedly resent him? Displays of affection and communication are a two-way street. So I would think that this is why he is acting like this, because he knows.

    Which leads us to this lack of communication. You said that you've told him how important intimacy is to you. Great, but making one general blanket statement doesn't mean he can or should read your mind every time you have sex, and then act accordingly. Instead of internalizing your dissatisfaction with your sex life, communicate! Good god, you're going to be married to the man and I gotta tell you, it's not going to get any easier to communicate once you've exchanged your vows. You don't know how to communicate that to him? OK, that's fair, because that is not an easy topic. But figure that part out first before cheating. (Yes, phone sex is cheating. I read your post-twice. It. Is. Cheating.)

    One suggestion is just to start trying new things in the bedroom, instead of simply saying, "You don't satisfy me!" Again, this is a two-way street. Expecting him to read your mind and then resenting him when he doesn't magically fix things you're not constantly discussing or trying to make better, is unfair.

    A happy marriage cannot exist without hard work, communication, dedication, loyalty, honesty, and so much more. The least you need to do with your BF is have a heart-to-heart. You two are way overdue for that. Practice opening up to each other and get that emotional connection back. If you don't want to, or can't, then you shouldn't marry him. Also, opening up will help you understand what he's thinking and allow you to react appropriately. And I'll admit that it's certainly possible that years of being in a sexually dead relationship has built up a lot of resentment in you...you're not a terrible person, but you definitely have to have that talk...or quit. Good luck.

    ~LC

  11. #20
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    Damn, thank you for that response.
    Appreciafe the replies everyone, scholding and all
    I will come clean about it all because the guilt is well and truly killing me

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