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Thread: What is wrong with being single anyway?

  1. #11
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    Thank you.

    There was almost a year between the last break up and this dating experience (it wasn't a relationship it was five dates). I admit I couldn't cope with the flakiness, I don't think I would if it were 2 or 3 years gap of being single. I can't deal with flakiness full stop and I think that this is okay.

    I didn't know how to tell him he was flakey and upsetting me. I suppose sensible people just let it fade.

  2. #12
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    I did try and do a fading out but he got in touch after two weeks. I personally think a fade is a bit unkind, I'd rather be honest but a bit less extreme in future.

    The guy wouldn't have changed even if we had a nice calm chat about it.

  3. #13
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    People say 'I am going through a lot of emotions' but I'm like this all the time when I date. That is why I don't want to date anymore.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Yeah there's nothing wrong being single. I've been single (but dating and having short lived relationships) for a few years and was feeling low because I was needy and had ingrained in my brain that I needed to be with someone.

    At this point I still want an actual long term relationship but what changed in me and that made it easier is to realise that while I want a relationship, it has to be the right one with the right person. I don't feel "desperate" anymore. I analyse and if it's not going where I want, I leave and don't lose my time anymore. No hard feelings, no drama.

    Being in a perpetual state of rebounding (like I was for a while) is not healthy because we base our dating decisions on a lack, a neediness that not only is sensed by the people we date but also makes us welcome people into out lives that are not the best for us.

    Find out what is lacking and why it's lacking and tell yourself that no man can fulfil that lack. That's something you have to resolve within your self. If you need to take a break from dating to collect thoughts, so be it.

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  6. #15
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    Yes I want long term, and QUALITY.

    It was five dates, not really a waste of my time in the long view. I wanted to find out if he was relationship material and I did, better than wondering if he would be suitable,.. now I know.

    I have a full life. I don't rebound. I try out people for a few drinks that isn't rebounding. Rebounding is getting into a relationship blindly.

    I think it is good that I found out, yes disappointing but I can get over that.

    Thanks for the advice.

  7. #16
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    Being single for positive reasons just like being married for positive reason is great. Being single because of negativity or generalizations about who you are trying to date doesnít seem so great. I knew from an early age I wanted marriage and a family. I also had a fun fulfilling life for the most part when I was single. I never would have put all the time and energy into dating that I did for many years had marriage and family not been my goal. Also I had mostly positive experiences meeting people and dating and my negativity lasted very short periods of time. I also had male friends for many years. And I was ďgoodĒ at dating - thick skin, mostly not feeling desperate (but yes I went through that too). Iíve never encouraged anyone to get married or committed if they are happy being single. Makes no sense to me. Also I felt fewer being married than single so I personally donít relate to the whole ďfreedom ď part of being single. I do relate to feeling trapped sometimes as a parent since I canít jist leave or take space given parenting responsibilities.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Shiny you canít change what you donít acknowledge.

    You were having a hard time with a previous boyfriend, you were writing about him as late as November of 2018 with the whole Facebook thing. while writing about him, you mentioned the amazingness of a new guy you were dating.

    That type of language screams rebound.

    That guy back in November was either coworker guy or a different guy. Iím assuming coworker guy given the timelines so even though you now say it was just a few dates, which I fully believe, back then he was the absolute greatest thing since sliced bread. Another huge sign he was there as an emotional replacement. The issue with doing that though is you got chipped away and instead of putting yourself back together you jumped to this new guy, possibly because your ex started dating someone and you got chipped away even more.

    You mentioned that dating was hard because you had low expectations, was anxious and weapy among other things.

    That screams you were not prepared to date.

    Again it is quite possible you have a sensitivity disorder or some sort, but I think the most logical conclusion though is that you arenít taking care of yourself shiny.

    You are worth having a happy and healthy relationship, you are fully capable of having a healthy and happy relationship

    Giving up because you canít handle it is a cop out. Iím sorry but it is. Work on your short comings and you can and will date more securely and confidently. I promise you, it can happen.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    There is nothing wrong with being single just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a good relationship, be in love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

    The finality in your words trouble me. The last guy didn't live up to your expectations so you took it personally and lashed out and now you seem to be taking a negative view of this site because you are not hearing what you want to hear.

    I agree you should stay single for a while before being open to meeting someone but the all or nothing mind set you have is detrimental to your happiness.

    I have a simple question for you. Please take a moment and think about your answer and give us a brutally honest answer.

    Have you ever been content with anything in your life?

    Lost

    PS I noticed you had your other thread closed. I am curious why.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    There is nothing at all with being single, there are plenty of people that choose to be single for various reasons. Whether you choose to be date or single, the key to satisfaction and fulfillment is the "choosing"... doing so with a sense of empowerment and ownership vs. being a victim of life circumstances.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Yes I want long term, and QUALITY.

    It was five dates, not really a waste of my time in the long view. I wanted to find out if he was relationship material and I did, better than wondering if he would be suitable,.. now I know.

    I have a full life. I don't rebound. I try out people for a few drinks that isn't rebounding. Rebounding is getting into a relationship blindly.

    I think it is good that I found out, yes disappointing but I can get over that.

    Thanks for the advice.
    When I used the term "rebounding", I wasn't even talking in entering in relationships, but jumping from dating situation to dating situation without resolving past issues.

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