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Thread: What is wrong with being single anyway?

  1. #1
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    What is wrong with being single anyway?

    I have spent far too much time and energy thinking about men I've dated and it seems to me I'm better off just investing my own self development.

    I don't have to date and I don't want to. It is such a shame that some people think being single is a terrible thing. When I read all the posts on here and all the misery and confusion because of the lack of communication, hidden agendas, fear of being played/dumped, it doesn't seem worth it.

    Then when you get confused you reach out for help, advice and get everyone's advice which can be great but also is tinted by their own experiences. It can lead to more confusion and a feeling sometimes that you were 'wrong' or 'messed it up'. Sad when two people can't talk to one another honestly and people have to ask strangers on forums for advice.

  2. #2
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    Not that there is anything wrong with forums btw, just saying in my case the fact that I couldn't communicate with him led to me asking strangers for advice which seemed a bit of a sorry state. In the future I don't want any of these guessing games.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    You need to eventually let go of this colleague and not taking it personally. Now you're free for bigger and better things weather alone or with someone else.

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    I should point out that I this colleague wanted to keep seeing me. I choose to cut him free because I didn't like the flakeness involved. It is not easy making these decisions and just because I am the one decided to let go, doesn't mean that I suffer the loss on some level.

    It takes a lot of strength to walk away.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It may be best to consider that facts and data rather than old myths about "people think being single is a terrible thing".

    "There are more single adults living, working, and yes, still breathing, in the United States than ever before in history. In 2017, the U.S. census reported 110.6 million unmarried people over the age of 18—that’s 45.2 percent of the American adult population—carrying out their lives to a new set of societal norms. Are unmarried Americans doomed, or onto something truly exciting?

    To previous generations, America’s single population might be seen as outrageous. In 1960, 72 percent of adults were married. Among today’s growing single population, 63 percent have never been married, 23 percent are divorced, and 13 percent are widowed. Of that staggering single population, the majority of which are living independently of their own accord, 53 percent of singles are women. Is this influx of single women desperately dating away, in a race against time against their biological clocks? Quite the opposite: they’re healthier than ever before. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health found that single women had lower BMIs, waist sizes, and risk associated with smoking and alcohol than their married counterparts."

    Read up on it: [Register to see the link]

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    I should point out that I this colleague wanted to keep seeing me. I choose to cut him free because I didn't like the flakeness involved. It is not easy making these decisions and just because I am the one decided to let go, doesn't mean that I suffer the loss on some level.

    It takes a lot of strength to walk away.
    Technically you did shiny but the reality that keeps being pointed out to you is you did it to get a reaction and when that didn’t work you were ‘forced’to come here for advice. It does indeed take a lot of strength to walk away but choosing to stop interacting with a dude who isn’t valuing you or your time is only hard if somethings missing within you.

    No judgement been there done that got the T-shirt. I think your mindset right now about singledom is true, it just seems you need some time to truly believe it.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Viceroy's Avatar
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    Nothing is wrong with being single, like you, I have noticed (in general) people tend to complain and act like its the worst thing ever. I was in a serious, 3 year relationship when I was in college and it ended. So I have been single for some time now. Only thing I really miss is the sex, that's about it.

    I think people in general just suck, so many liars and thieves out there looking to take advantage of others. You're better off focusing on self-development and when you achieve your biggest goals, then perhaps look for someone. Just understand that looking for someone involves a lot of disappointment and annoyances.

  9. #8
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    Thanks.

    I think it is time to get off the site and get on with my life. Thanks for all the advice.

    I didn't do it for a reaction, I don't understand that.

    I come on this site because I don't talk to anyone about my private life, I say nothing and tell no body anything. I am not an attention seeking person. I didn't do it for a reaction I just wanted something to end that was painful to me.

  10. #9
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    No one forced me to come here for advice. I came here to off load. There is no way I'd tell my friends all this.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Thanks.

    I think it is time to get off the site and get on with my life. Thanks for all the advice.

    I didn't do it for a reaction, I don't understand that.

    I come on this site because I don't talk to anyone about my private life, I say nothing and tell no body anything. I am not an attention seeking person. I didn't do it for a reaction I just wanted something to end that was painful to me.
    You do shiny.

    I don’t know why those last two posts were closed but it was only a few days ago, memory is still pretty darn fresh that you ‘broke up’ via text then ‘broke up’ again and we’re upset he didn’t respond to your ‘breaking up’ It wasn’t a clean breakup and neither was the one before him. You’ve been rebounding and jumping from man to men so even though you believe you have a sensitivity disorder which you might, Im not Dr. But your hurt right now is easily explained by your actions. All rebounding does is compound the pain. So when the rebound ends all that pain just floods in. That can take out even the strongest individual.

    That’s why I said while I completely agree with what you’re saying I don’t know that you truly believe it quite yet. I agree no one forced you to ask for advice I was merely responding to your posts. Particularly post 2 where you mention you wouldn’t have to ask strangers if you two could have just communicated. Which honestly I agree with, but you broke up with this guy via text... so it’s kinda the pot calling the kettle black ya know?

    You’re going through a lot of emotions right now, and that’s ok, that’s normal, allow yourself to go through it naturally, be angry sad hurt frustrated but also keep your feet on the ground. This diagnosis stuff you’re doing, to me, has the potential to do a lot of damage. Mainly because it’s typically a way to excuse away bad choices. You chose to rebound, you chose to date before you were emotionally prepared, the consequence of it is unfortunately this

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