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Thread: Blocked after amazing first date

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I agree with the others the message was completely overkill and will most likely not have the desired outcome

    But at the same time she used you as an ego boost.

    So, hey, now youíre even.

    I also agree with others if you connect emotionally via sex itís not a good idea to engage in first date intercourse.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Oh buddy.

    Well, whatís done is done.

    Just a little real talk: the thing on your sleeve? Thatís not your heart, but your ego.

    Your heart does not know this person, at all. Your ego is inflamed, hungry for soothing. The subtext of your note is: please soothe my ego.

    Which, hey, whatever. Life. Dating. Low stakes.

    But just something to think about as you move forward and fine tune the playbook. Always good to get to know your ego, so you can keep it in check.

    Itís when the ego is at rest the heart can really make it onto the sleeveóslowly, slowly.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    Well I sent her this from a spare work phone .....

    It's Rich {not required: messaging from a spare work phone} {deleted the needy unattractive stuff in the middle}

    If you {deleted the friend zone stay in touch stuff} want to get together again, give me a call, but {I will understand} if not {and wish you} all the best.
    The redacted version would have been better if you couldn't resist sending something.

    Is the work phone blocked now?

    This lady just wanted a one night romp - I've had a few of these over the years. Doesn't matter what's behind that, she isn't interested so shake it off and act accordingly.

    If she ever comes back - and I've had that happen - it'll probably be for the same reason. Whether you should do anything with that depends on whether you can manage your expectations at the time, and see it for what it probably is - a booty call.

    But - if you ever want to go there again, do not do the "stay in touch" friend stuff.
    Last edited by RayRay63; 02-06-2019 at 11:59 PM.

  4. #24
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    Well I know it was stupid on my part. I just guess I didn't want her to think that I thought she was a 'total ****' as per her final message to me and that she could reach out to me if she wanted to at some point further down the line. One of my friends said that I need to stop over-empathising.

    I know it was needy, clingy, desperate, etc etc and reading it back now I am cringing.

    I guess I can't take it back now though.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Oh big deal. So you sent a nice message to somebody. Queue the scream. I'm sure she isn't going to kill herself over it, and you can't be held criminally responsible. We should have more gestures of kindness in this world. Kudos to you.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I donít think itís kind. I think itís a clear boundary violation. It wouldíve been nice, maybe, if he wasnít blocked and could use the phone she knew

  8. 02-07-2019, 07:05 AM

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  11. 02-07-2019, 07:12 AM

  12. 02-07-2019, 07:13 AM

  13. #27
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    Someone blocks you, it's usually because they no longer want to receive communication from you.

    You didn't respect her boundary because it was more important to you to attempt to relieve your anxiety, ego, whatever it was, than to respect her wishes. It's like you just couldn't accept she doesn't want to see you again.

    Treating someone with respect is key. When your own fears or anxieties take precedence, it's time to step back.

    Lesson learned. Don't bulldoze over someone else's wishes to try to get what you want.

    There are other awesome women out there. One of them would love to date you.

  14. #28
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    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    Well I know it was stupid on my part. I just guess I didn't want her to think that I thought she was a 'total ****' as per her final message to me and that she could reach out to me if she wanted to at some point further down the line. One of my friends said that I need to stop over-empathising.

    I know it was needy, clingy, desperate, etc etc and reading it back now I am cringing.

    I guess I can't take it back now though.
    No you can't.

    But you can do it right from here.

    You want her back, then don't contact - don't play her game.

    Save up, accumulate some holiday time..

  15. #29
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    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    Thanks all for the replies.

    Just to add some more info that I got from the date.

    She divorced a couple of years ago (she's 38 now so the same age as me). The ex-husband lives abroad. Perhaps she isn't fully over him and even though she thought she might have been emotionally available perhaps wasn't?

    When we spoke about our experiences with dating apps we both spoke about our bad experiences from them - ghosting, etc. She told me she had been seeing someone in the back end of last year but he ghosted her over Christmas and New Years which hurt her. I wonder if this guy might still be on the scene or she has met someone else from Bumble in the last month or so. The fact she said she had been seeing someone for a while makes me wonder if he is still on the scene in some form. Either way he is obviously not fully into her if he is ghosting her and not fully committing to her after that amount of time.

    Also when speaking about our experiences with dating apps we both said how much we hated the whole multi-dating side of it all but how it seems to be the way now. I also commented on how I would prefer to just date one person at a time and even though not jump straight into a relationship would prefer that exclusivity at the beginning. Perhaps that scared her off when she had time to think about it the next day?
    Doesn't sound like it was her ex husband, but there was somebody else in there, that she was waiting for or that she tried to use you to get over.

  16. #30
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    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    Well I sent her this from a spare work phone I have lying around as a text and left it at that, probably not the wisest move but I do wear my heart on my sleeve, am not a judgemental person and do want her to know that it did mean something to me at least:

    Hey,

    It's Rich messaging from a spare work phone, don't worry I wouldn't normally go to these kind of lengths to message someone after just one date, I just wanted to get a message through to you so that you would know that I would never think badly of you and I just hope you are ok.

    I completely understand your situation and I get that you were probably very confused today. The last thing I would want you to feel is unhappy. I also know that I probably came on a bit strong yesterday which is also very unlike me but I did think you were lovely and we seemed to have so much chemistry.

    Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don't think badly of you as it was probably the most I've ever clicked with anyone on a first date and I didn't want you to disappear without letting you know that especially as you are such a lovely person.

    If you do want to stay in touch we can but I will understand if not and wish you all the best.

    Rich x
    Oh god - there's your answer. If you sent her this AFTER being blocked I can only imagine what you said to her in person or were texting her after the date. You own this one 100% bud.

    Sharpen up your game and stop being so needy

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