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Thread: Blocked after amazing first date

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Shame it didn't work out after only one date, but ah well, you got laid, High Five. Move on.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It boggles the mind that she's "seeing someone" yet is on dating sites and comes back to your place for a one night stand. At least you didn't waste too much time on this. What if you two were "seeing each other" and she does the same dating app - one night stand routine on you.

    Sounds like she was cheating on this "someone" and decided she should block you before he finds out. Dodged a bullet.
    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    ended up having a few drinks, decided to go to dinner and then she came back to mine. she told me she had been seeing someone else after we'd slept together
    Hello! Ugh I would like to do this in person. I must say I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and didn’t think I would like you so much. Like I told you I am seeing another person and waking up this morning I must admit I felt terrible. I am not a ‘more than one guy’ sort of woman and I have been seeing him for a while (albeit not formally exclusively of course). But I feel even with that I need to keep things simple for my own peace of mind. I am so very sorry and this has been very confusing. I hope you don’t think I am a total ****.

  3. #13
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    The guy she was "seeing" was her on and off boyfriend or simply her ex. She woke up realizing that sleeping with a random stranger doesn't make the break up pain go away. Be glad you even got a message, 99.9% they just ghost.

  4. #14
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    Thanks all for the replies.

    Just to add some more info that I got from the date.

    She divorced a couple of years ago (she's 38 now so the same age as me). The ex-husband lives abroad. Perhaps she isn't fully over him and even though she thought she might have been emotionally available perhaps wasn't?

    When we spoke about our experiences with dating apps we both spoke about our bad experiences from them - ghosting, etc. She told me she had been seeing someone in the back end of last year but he ghosted her over Christmas and New Years which hurt her. I wonder if this guy might still be on the scene or she has met someone else from Bumble in the last month or so. The fact she said she had been seeing someone for a while makes me wonder if he is still on the scene in some form. Either way he is obviously not fully into her if he is ghosting her and not fully committing to her after that amount of time.

    Also when speaking about our experiences with dating apps we both said how much we hated the whole multi-dating side of it all but how it seems to be the way now. I also commented on how I would prefer to just date one person at a time and even though not jump straight into a relationship would prefer that exclusivity at the beginning. Perhaps that scared her off when she had time to think about it the next day?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    And for us men - we will never understand "female logic" will we?
    Richey richey richey lol you really do have a way with words

    OP I am sorry you went through this... at least she told you what's up vs. just ghosting you but still... it sucks when the chemistry doesn't work out the way we want it to, it's happened plenty of times to me... like bluecastle said it takes me a day or two to get over it after which point I can usually just accept that it didn't work out and move on.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by richdeniro
    even though she thought she might have been emotionally available perhaps wasn't?
    Yeah, probably something like this. But also: not really worth decoding.

    It would be so, so very nice if everyone was perfect, healed, solid, sturdy, and meant everything they said on first dates and/or between the sheets. But it doesn't work that way, never will. And the truth is that it's better for being so messy. It's human. It's wild. It's why the flip side of the disappointment you now feel can be so very special, so very rewarding.

    In the end, the price of admission for the potential of those pleasures is some pain, some disappointment.

    I don't know your history, but at your age (basically my age) I have to assume you've confused a woman or two along the way. Sent one message on Monday, another come Tuesday. Not because you're a malicious monster, but because life is murky, feelings are bananas, and we're always coming in and out of focus to ourselves.

    For me, whenever I get a little thrown like this, I just remind myself of the way I've thrown others—that I was doing my best, but, alas, I was more wobbly than I knew and someone else got blown around a bit by my winds. Like you, and probably like her, I do my best to be stable and straightforward—but my "best," no doubt, has come up short here and there, especially in early dating.

    So when someone else's best leaves me a bit flustered and bruised I just go: bummer, but so it goes. Just a reminder to keep finding a better version of someone's best, which means someone else.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Dude, she wanted to get laid, she got laid. If it was really that much of an amazing connection, you'd both be arranging another date. Instead, she fed you some shady bs that sounds an awful lot like she might be cheating and then blocked you. When you imagine yourself with your perfect woman, is she a cheater? Someone who skates on fuzzy boundaries of "well we didn't sign a contract that we are exclusive, so...." I hope not.

    It seems like you are the kind of a person where you bond after sex. So maybe in the future, try to keep things out of the bedroom for awhile. At least long enough to know if the woman is genuine or not. This one wasn't. She got what she was after and tossed you out.

  9. #18
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    Well I sent her this from a spare work phone I have lying around as a text and left it at that, probably not the wisest move but I do wear my heart on my sleeve, am not a judgemental person and do want her to know that it did mean something to me at least:

    Hey,

    It's Rich messaging from a spare work phone, don't worry I wouldn't normally go to these kind of lengths to message someone after just one date, I just wanted to get a message through to you so that you would know that I would never think badly of you and I just hope you are ok.

    I completely understand your situation and I get that you were probably very confused today. The last thing I would want you to feel is unhappy. I also know that I probably came on a bit strong yesterday which is also very unlike me but I did think you were lovely and we seemed to have so much chemistry.

    Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don't think badly of you as it was probably the most I've ever clicked with anyone on a first date and I didn't want you to disappear without letting you know that especially as you are such a lovely person.

    If you do want to stay in touch we can but I will understand if not and wish you all the best.

    Rich x

  10. #19
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Eeeek that is SO unnecessary. Completely boundary crossing. If she blocked you, her message is loud and clear - no contact is wanted.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Oh yikes!

    I also know that I probably came on a bit strong yesterday which is also very unlike me

    You actually can write this ^^ while launching a sneak attack on her with your burner phone?!

    If I am subtly trying to back out of something, this text from an unknown number would make me feel unsafe.

    It comes of seriously desperate.

    Her blocking you sends a very clear message. Not sure why you thought this was a good idea.

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