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Thread: When did it get better for you?

  1. #1
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    When did it get better for you?

    My story:
    Was dumped 5 months ago, after a 6,5 yrs together. He was 6 yrs younger than me, and quite the introvert, insecure type. Always had issues with communication, and some anxiety problems, but nothing that made him isolated. I loved him, I helped him, supported him. Helped him write his bachelors, helped him apply for his job. We were very close with his family, and he grew up in a farm where we spent all of the past summers. He told me he didn’t love me “like that” anymore.

    3weeks after we broke up, and 2weeks after I moved out, there suddenly was another girl, a coworker. So I guess he fell for someone else. He’s still with this girl..

    His family love me, and are maybe as sad as I am about it all. He’s supposedly not doing too good, but I’ve kept the NC with no slip ups since I found out about the other girl. She actually contacted me in October, telling me to delete a sentence from my blog (I write about dog training, only thing I wrote that I hadn’t been writing much because I was sad that my x dumped me, and it felt unfair. No names, no nothing). She said “she wanted to protect him”...

    Now here I am. Broken beyond recognition, still. And I’m so, so, so tired of it all! I have a job I love, I bought my own apartment, I have a hobby I love.. I’m not sad all the time, but I lost the dream. Not only him, but my future (the farm), “my” (his) family, and my life...

    I’ve tried dating. It’s a nice, short term distraction, then I just fall apart and give up. No one is him...

    People say it gets better... When did it get better for you?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Why did you break up? You need to delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. This new gf sounds creepy, but do not blog about your heartache. Maintain your dignity and privacy. Start a journal here instead.

    Keep in mind this other girl was not "sudden". You were just the last to know. It's a mistake to have mothered him this much, it kills the romance.
    Originally Posted by Flipp
    -I helped him, supported him. Helped him write his bachelors, helped him apply for his job.

    2weeks after I moved out, there suddenly was another girl, a coworker.

    She actually contacted me in October, telling me to delete a sentence from my blog. She said “she wanted to protect him”...

  3. #3
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    He just got a bit detached and when I asked him if everything was okay, it wasn’t... And then tha cat was out of the bag sort of. He was really unsure about the desicion for the first two weeks, then new girl...

    I probably did “mother” him to much, but it wasn’t like I was the only one supporting him.

    The NC with him is okey, or rather, I can deal with that. I have no reason to speak with him because he’s not saying the things I want to hear anyways.. But his parents - that’s really really hard! There aren’t really anyone else... all our friends were my friends, he never nurtured any of his relations with anyone.. So now he has new girl and his work.. and feels that his family hates him for leaving me I guess...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    5 months after a 6 year relationship is just the beginning. Yes, it does get better but just be patient.

    Time will take care of things.
    I'm sorry this happened.

    There's an apology about rescuing broken little birds. After you nurture them back to health, they are likely to fly away.

    Choose wisely next time.

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  6. #5
    Member eldasensei's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Flipp
    My story:
    His family love me, and are maybe as sad as I am about it all. He’s supposedly not doing too good, but I’ve kept the NC with no slip ups since I found out about the other girl. She actually contacted me in October, telling me to delete a sentence from my blog (I write about dog training, only thing I wrote that I hadn’t been writing much because I was sad that my x dumped me, and it felt unfair. No names, no nothing). She said “she wanted to protect him”...
    To me it looks like she wants to protect herself not him.

    But nonetheless, to give an answer to your question. First breakup took me 3 or 4 years to totally get over. After that, breakups took much less time and was much, much easier to move on. But no one can give you the exact answer how long it will take for you to totally get over him and move on. Each person and situation is different. But to give you something more. My best moments and growth in life were happening when going trough these moments (breakups and rejections). There will be new windows for unexpected oppertunity and growth. Not kidding. I'll guarentee you this. Try to look forward to those awesome unexpected moments.
    Had I stayed with my first relationship, then I would've never finished an education, much less, reach and finish my MBA (masters degree) and get to know lots of awesome people. This has rather opened my eyes and I now plan to travel by myself in the near future to learn and discover new people and experiences. Never would I have found out that I was capable of doing/achieving all these things. My first ex was nasty when breaking up to me, and she allready had another guy lined up. But little did I know that something like this was waiting for me. Sometimes these difficult situations and moments happen so you can reach out to your full potential.

    Accept the feelings that you have now and feel them out and let them pass.
    See it this way, you're standing on the ocean and you need to endure the waves (feelings) untill the waves will become less and the ocean becomes soothing. Some waves will be bigger then others, but generally these waves will pass and you'll feel awesome again. I know hard to believe now but you will.
    Last edited by eldasensei; 02-05-2019 at 01:42 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    15 year marriage = 3 years to get over (for the most part). The worst of the grief has passed, and I have become willing and ready to start letting go of my anger and resentments. Even then things still trigger me and bring up a ton of feelings about my past with him. Look at it this way... if you allow yourself the chance to feel you allow yourself to let go and move on. I have been seeing someone new that I really like... that really likes me... and when my ex found out it brought a whole new array of feelings to the surface. I was shocked by the intensity of them. But it's all part of the process, letting go of the old and letting in the new. Just try and ride it out, I can promise you that it gets better over time.

  8. #7
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    It always gets better.. always. There is no black/white formula of "it takes 2 weeks" or "it takes 5 yrs"... every situation is a case by case based on how involved you were, how great it was, how long it was, and how invested you were.
    So don't worry about how long, or if. It WILL get better. You WILL get over this - at the right time and when you're ready.

    "You're ready" means when your body and the universe and whatever else you may believe in - knows you're ready. Not when you yourself know.

    You have a fantastic life going - job, place, LIFE. So this one person asn't the answer but it who ever said your only way to be on a farm of your dreams is with THAT person? I dont' see any laws or studies that show the "only way to get a dream farm is to be the wife of John Doe".... So stop LINKING your happiness to needing to be with him. I woudl be willing to bet before you ever knew your ex- ever existed you had a HAPPY life right?

    Happiness is not linked to a particular relationship with a particular person being successful. It never is.
    Remind yourself of that and this may go a lot faster.

    Hang in there. When you're ready.. it'll move fast.

  9. #8
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    Hmm, you might have a point, but thing is - life with him completed me. Everything was ok before, but not great, and every day in this relationship I felt happy and lucky.

    I think I just feel that I should’ve gotten more over it by now, and that just adds to the feeling of being a failure. But I guess I’m not that abnormal there, that’s comforting to know at least.. :)

  10. #9
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    I like the wave anology:) Thanx

  11. #10
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    Took 2 years after a 30+-year marriage with a cheater.

    I remarried and life's better. I can still dredge up hurt feelings now five years later. However, it is much easier to put hem aside for the positives in my life now.

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