Am I being selfish

[Joanne37]

Me and my partner have been together a long time we have 2 children together one who is 14 and the other 1 the thing is the past few months he's been constantly buisy doing stuff like fixing things etc and I've been in living room nearly ever night myself with the wee one I don't mind as he's one for keeping buisy but he seems to have got more and more than he used to he doesn't even come to bed till 3 or 4 in the morning am not asking for much just a bit of us time I lie in bed myself most nights I feel as though he's avoiding me or is it me is there a problem somewhere if it was the other way around he wouldn't like it its really getting to me but I don't want us to start arguing sometimes he won't even eat dinner with us as he's doing stuff at the same time he does have a bad back and sitting down too much does make it worse but he's always had this and then he said he doesn't want to watch soap operas with me there not on all the time last night there he went round to his mates which I don't mind but that's a new thing aswell I just don't know is it me being selfish or what

[Wiseman2]

Is he having an affair? Does he drink heavily? Does he have ED? Is he communicating with someone or watching porn all night?

It seems the romance is dead with this second much younger child. Have either of you quit your jobs or let yourselves go?

No he shouldn't have to watch soap operas with you (that's ridiculous, frankly), but eating dinner as a family and being around some evenings is not.

Do you get babysitters and do interesting, fun romantic things on date night and weekends. Why can't friends/family watch the kids once in a while?

You need to get out of the house more yourself. Join some clubs or groups, take some courses, classes. Do something more interesting than watching tv. Develop an inside and out self improvement plan. Get in shape, get new clothes, hair etc. Go out with your friends more.

we have 2 children together one who is 14
he doesn't even come to bed till 3 or 4 in the morning am
he won't even eat dinner with us as he's doing stuff

[Hollyj]

What happened to punctuation, just one, big, long sentence. :(

How does he stay up till 3 in the morning if he has a job.

Two people made this child, and he is not doing what he needs to be doing as a parent.

Why watch the soap operas? I would't watch that mindless nonsense either.

[Joanne37]

He doesn't work at the moment cos he's waiting on word about his back as he may need an operation he doesn't know yet

[Hollyj]

He can't do anything in the meantime? How do you support yourselves? Why doesn't he watch the baby and you can work?

[frustrated1]

He doesn't work at the moment cos he's waiting on word about his back as he may need an operation he doesn't know yet

Perhaps this is part of the problem. Does he regularly work? Some men start to feel emasculated or restless when they are not able to contribute to the household. Perhaps because he is no longer working, and no longer the bread winner he needs to make himself feel useful, and is overcompensating by trying to fix things around the house. Regardless, if this behavior is bothering you and affecting your relationship it is definitely something you two should have a talk about. We can't guess what is on his mind, and neither can you. Your best bet is to get to the root of the issue now, before this goes on for too long and you have both grown apart.

[Joanne37]

Perhaps this is part of the problem. Does he regularly work? Some men start to feel emasculated or restless when they are not able to contribute to the household. Perhaps because he is no longer working, and no longer the bread winner he needs to make himself feel useful, and is overcompensating by trying to fix things around the house. Regardless, if this behavior is bothering you and affecting your relationship it is definitely something you two should have a talk about. We can't guess what is on his mind, and neither can you. Your best bet is to get to the root of the issue now, before this goes on for too long and you have both grown apart.

Yes he does normally work and I never thought that could be why

[DancingFool]

I think you need to start asking him what's going on with him. Meaning don't talk about yourself and start demanding that he do this or that, but show some concern for him and his changed behavior. See if he'll start talking or at least clue you in about what's bothering him. Could be simply what the above poster said - he is feeling useless because he is unemployed, restless, possibly stressing about the surgery, plus stressing about the baby, etc. Use the honey gets more bees approach and see what shakes out.

[Ann10]

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. Has he ever been treated for depression? Hopefully, his doctor can test him for depression. I hope you can have a good talk together.