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Thread: idk what to feel

  1. #1

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    idk what to feel

    I've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years. We had a fight over the weekend and its still urking me. Before I start, I have to explain my boyfriends personality. He is anti social when it comes to anyone other than me (almost anyone). He doesnt want to make friends in uni, he doesnt make small talk in stores, he doesnt talk to many people other than me. He could make friends easily and hold a conversation perfectly but he chooses not to. I admire this in some ways and in other ways it really bothers me.

    So, we were in a bookstore and a employee starts making small talk and I reciprocate and my bf stands there and says nothing. Me and the employee talk for about a minute before he leaves us alone. Immediately, my boyfriend seems mad. (It is not because the employee was attractive, he was nice but ... no...). My bf says something along the lines of "If i'm with you, I dont want to talk to other people." Not in a pleasant tone. He went on to explain that he is trying to spend time with me and doesnt want to stop and make time for store employees or cashiers or anything like that... I got really taken off guard because I can't help but make small talk because its polite and I'm Canadian... He comes from a different country and this could also be why he acts like this.

    His argument seems really childish to me. I am going to explain to him that he can't live his life with me centered in the middle, he has to actively try to make friends and make goals that don't include me because otherwise life might become shallow. His comment bothered me so much because one day I want to get to a point where I have a good group of friends that we share and I want us to live in a town where everyone knows us, and to think of my bf not wanting to be involved in this breaks my heart. Its such a conflict of interest because to me, being social and having friends is part of my future and when he said that, my future with him became rocky all of a sudden.

    I want feedback on how someone else would handle the situation because I don't have anyone to ask. Thank you

  2. #2
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    My ex was a lot like your boyfriend in the regards to wanting to live in this isolated bubble of just you two. Itís not healthy and he does need to realize you canít be his everything.

    I would still go through with telling him that if he gets mad then so be it. You should do what I should have done the moment my ex got mad at me for something like that and left. It gets worse too unfortunately.

    I think if he canít respect your need to socialize you two are incompatible and more issues will come later on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He gets to be him. Don't tell him he needs to socialize more (because that would make you more comfortable) if he chooses not to.

    You be you.
    You don't allow him to squash your personality, (because it makes him more comfortable) if that means you enjoy engaging other people in a healthy fashion, you continue to do so.

    You two be yourselves and then reevaluate your compatibility.

    - I will add that him to suggest you not speak to others in his presence sounds like a control issue and would be deal breaker for me.

  4. #4
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    so, are you not allowed to talk to anyone when you two are together?
    Sounds like a discussion needs to be had between you two. If you cant talk to him, you shouldnt be with him.

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  6. #5
    It sounds like you have very healthy, well balanced insight into your situation. I believe God created us to be in relationship with others for many healthy reasons. Isolating isn't healthy. I believe dating is the time to really evaluate things and decide for yourself what you want long term in a husband. You described a very healthy future and you deserve nothing less than that. Do you have deal breakers? How does he fit into the picture of your future that you described above? Does it look like an easy road or a challenging one with his personality traits? What will your wedding day look like with all the people there that you love and want to share your life with? Does he fit into that picture?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is a huge red flag. You need to educate yourself about warning signs for controlling relationships. That is a completely different topic from the overall incompatibility of you being very extroverted and him being very introverted.
    Originally Posted by shampain
    I've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years.
    My bf says something along the lines of "If i'm with you, I dont want to talk to other people."


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