Too worried about having said something stupid or offensive...

I am really over the top about kicking myself over saying or doing the “wrong” thing. Tonight for example, I was doing a class at the local Jewish Community Center and I was talking to the instructor on the way out (and I really like her. She’s way cool). I told her that I left my membership card at the gym yesterday and can’t find it so I joked that I just walked up to the desk and said, “Don’t I look Jewish?” Everyone laughed but then I wondered if that was offensive. I mean, I am in fact Jewish but no one knows that. I just worry about things like this and I’m a college professor and so I typically will say something that I fret about that ultimately offends no one. I want to get past this!!! Any advice would be great!

Thank you!

I’m pretty sure that there is an unwritten rule that you can lovingly make fun of your own people. Don’t try to make fun of other people’s people unless you know them very well and you know they’ll joke back with you... but your own people? Fair game. Lol!

There’s a quote somewhere about how when you are in your 20s you worry about what other people think.., and then it degrades to when you are older you realize people aren’t really thinking about you too much...

Don’t worry about it. If someone is offended, let them come talk to you about it. In my books, what you said was not offensive.

I’m pretty sure that there is an unwritten rule that you can lovingly make fun of your own people. Don’t try to make fun of other people’s people unless you know them very well and you know they’ll joke back with you... but your own people? Fair game. Lol!

 

There’s a quote somewhere about how when you are in your 20s you worry about what other people think.., and then it degrades to when you are older you realize people aren’t really thinking about you too much...

 

Don’t worry about it. If someone is offended, let them come talk to you about it. In my books, what you said was not offensive.

Thank you, RedDress! :-)

Honestly, I hear ya. I'm not someone who rants about "PC culture" by any means, but I find myself a lot more careful of the jokes I make in public. And even as someone who likes to think himself pretty ****ing liberal on most things but who predominantly contracts in academia, whoa boy if I dare have an opinion which doesn't strictly toe that infinitesimally narrow line, or if I choose to maintain my sanity finding humor in the absurdity rather than living every day to be miserable about the countless injustices in the world.

BUT I DIGRESS. Really, there is some value to the growing culture, essentially being charged with gauging the audience. And if you got laughs from your joke, it sounds like you did so just fine. I definitely wouldn't ignore the growing compulsion to do a cost-benefit analysis before cracking what could more possibly be an offensive joke, but don't let it stop you from expressing yourself when we're talking some pretty benign material. It's not like you charged in with an Anne Frank one-liner. And, at the risk of causing offense myself, living in NYC though not Jewish myself, there are very few people I could shamelessly generalize as having pretty thick skin as I could Jewish folks.

Honestly, I hear ya. I'm not someone who rants about "PC culture" by any means, but I find myself a lot more careful of the jokes I make in public. And even as someone who likes to think himself pretty ****ing liberal on most things but who predominantly contracts in academia, whoa boy if I dare have an opinion which doesn't strictly toe that infinitesimally narrow line, or if I choose to maintain my sanity finding humor in the absurdity rather than living every day to be miserable about the countless injustices in the world.

 

BUT I DIGRESS. Really, there is some value to the growing culture, essentially being charged with gauging the audience. And if you got laughs from your joke, it sounds like you did so just fine. I definitely wouldn't ignore the growing compulsion to do a cost-benefit analysis before cracking what could more possibly be an offensive joke, but don't let it stop you from expressing yourself when we're talking some pretty benign material. It's not like you charged in with an Anne Frank one-liner. And, at the risk of causing offense myself, living in NYC though not Jewish myself, there are very few people I could shamelessly generalize as having pretty thick skin as I could Jewish folks.

Ha! J.man, thank you!! Yes, I agree with you. This... “whoa boy if I dare have an opinion which doesn't strictly toe that infinitesimally narrow line, or if I choose to maintain my sanity finding humor in the absurdity rather than living every day to be miserable about the countless injustices in the world.” I love this. You are clearly highly educated and yet also not without a fine sense of humor. I appreciate being able to have off-color humor as well and I like that about me but I also fret at times. I always love meeting people that are hilarious and not PC but unapologetic about who they are!! Thanks again!

Everyone laughed, and I doubt they found it offensive. To be honest, if someone came out with the statement "Don't I look Jewish?' I'd automatically assume they were, especially if they were doing a class at a Jewish Community Centre!

As an outsider, I'd say not to give it a second thought. In the current climate, though, where expressions which have nothing to do with race, religion etc can readily cause offence if someone's really looking for it - I can understand your anxiety. (I've noted with some interest that I can't bring myself to write any examples out here...!)

Everyone laughed, and I doubt they found it offensive. To be honest, if someone came out with the statement "Don't I look Jewish?' I'd automatically assume they were, especially if they were doing a class at a Jewish Community Centre!

 

As an outsider, I'd say not to give it a second thought. In the current climate, though, where expressions which have nothing to do with race, religion etc can readily cause offence if someone's really looking for it - I can understand your anxiety. (I've noted with some interest that I can't bring myself to write any examples out here...!)

Thank you, nutbrownhare!!

Yes, it’s hard because you want to be yourself but you don’t want to offend. I think the larger issue here is that I worry too much about what people think. I think it’s good to not want to be offensive or rude but I worry about teeny things like, do I come off as self-centered? And of course, did I just say something that will offend someone?

I get really self-conscious at times and that is unfortunate. I want to just not care as much what people think. I don’t know where it comes from - childhood for sure.

I think it’s fine and with all going on today I’d avoid it if possible in the future as a just in case. Also because why deal with the stress. I am sorry it stressed you and it really sounds like no one took offense in the least!!