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Thread: 2 amazing dates and then text silence

  1. #1
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    2 amazing dates and then text silence

    So this past weekend I met someone for a date on Saturday. We met up at a local bar and, honestly, my hopes were not super high. She seemed nice enough on the dating app we met on, but not super engaged. But we’d matched on both Tinder and Bumble, so I figured that was worth a drink. So we went out and instantly hit it off. We ended up being at the bar for almost 5 hours. At the end, she told me she wanted to see me again and asked when I was available. My week is crazy, so I only had two days. One was Thursday and she couldn’t do that. So I paused and offered up my second free day, which was the very next day. To my surprise, she gave an enthusiastic “sure!”


    So, the very next day, she came to my house for dinner. It was great. We talked and then made out a bit and it seemed like we were going to sleep together. Then she stopped and said “look, I actually really like you and want to see more of you. And I think if we sleep together now, that may mess that up.” I told her I liked her too and and we made out some more and she left. Surprisingly, she didn’t give me a good night kiss. Instead we made tentative plans that I was supposed to cement when I checked my work calendar and she left. All in all, we spent almost 10 hours together over less than 2 days.

    I text her that night to ask the name of a band she’d mentioned a few times, so I could check them out. And said I had a great time. Nothing. The next afternoon (today), still nothing so I text with my availability this week to get together, even offering to play hooky a bit from my work with her because I had, for 10 hours, getting literally every signal in the book that things were going along wonderfully. Then nothing. It’s 8 hours later now, almost 24 since my first unanswered text and still radio silence. I’m planning on sending my final text tomorrow and the logical part of me says I should just say “Hope you have a good day!” And if I don’t hear back, assume I never will. But a large part of me wants to know what happened? Her signals were not vague or ambiguous. She said, flat out, “I like you and want to see more of you”. Would it be horribly needy to ask what happened, tomorrow, if I don’t hear anything?

  2. #2
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    You have already sent multiple texts, really no need to send one more.
    Ive just got ghosted too, he also said very promising things and we made heaps of future plans. But none of that matters. People say all kinds of things.
    You only had 2 date's, it's nothing yet, literally, nothing. Maybe she was just using you as a distraction to heal a breakup. Maybe she was just desperate for attention. Whatever reason, let it go.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You've reached out twice and came back empty handed both times.
    Don't reach out again.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Bummer. But: happens.

    No need to send another word. She owes you literally nothing, not after two dates, and you turning into a detective will just make her icier.

    She knows where to reach you. If and when she wants to she’ll reach out, and you can then decide whether you’re up for another round.

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  6. #5
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    I agree. No more reaching out. She knows you’d like to talk to her.

    In terms of what happened? It may have just been a bit much really fast. Let her simmer.

    ... but hey... if it doesn’t work out, at least you had a good time. No harm, no foul. On to the next. Unfortunately, it happens.

  7. #6
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    Don't text her a third time. She knows how to reply if she chooses; there's no need to send yet another message.

    For all you know, she is busy or something came up in her personal life. She might be weighing out another option. She might be trying to play by some silly "rule" she read that dictates she should wait longer before replying to as not to appear needy or something.

    If you hear nothing by tomorrow, assume she's not interested and let it go.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like too much too soon. Keep the first meets brief and sober. Keep the next few dates outside of the house. Don't go in for the hookup on the second date. As you noticed it scared her off. It could be perceived that you are only looking for sex/hookups when you plan the second meet at your place and try to get into bed. Many women see this as a turn off.
    Originally Posted by Rdunsany
    We met up at a local bar. We ended up being at the bar for almost 5 hours.

    the very next day, she came to my house for dinner. It was great. We talked and then made out a bit and it seemed like we were going to sleep together. Then she stopped and said “look, I actually really like you and want to see more of you. And I think if we sleep together now, that may mess that up.”

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds like too much too soon. Keep the first meets brief and sober. Keep the next few dates outside of the house. Don't go in for the hookup on the second date. As you noticed it scared her off. It could be perceived that you are only looking for sex/hookups when you plan the second meet at your place and try to get into bed. Many women see this as a turn off.
    I agree. If a guy invites me to his place on the second date I assume he wants to get me in bed. Not that this is a criminal offence, but give a the idea that he's more interest in casual sex/hookups than trying to get to know me better gradually and plan fun dates.

    But the most important is: stop texting her. She knows how to reach you if she's interested. Don't put all your eggs in this basket and see this as just 2 fun dates and nothing more.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Eh too much too soon gave you this impression like you are more bonded than you actually are. In reality it was just 2 dates.

    Please don't text her anymore. Stick with the 2 attempts at contact rule. If the first one didn't come through the second one will. If you contact her more, you'll come across as a guy who just can't get the hint. She knows how to reach you. If she doesn't she doesn't.

    In the future, you'd be smart to keep initial dates doing something outside of either person's homes and try to keep things more brief. Pace yourself a bit better instead of getting swept up in insta relationship stuff. Focus more on doing fun things and getting to know each other more gradually. It will be less confusing and you'll be less invested if they do cut bait and run.

  11. #10
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    There's no real way to know. Maybe she is taken and she was just seeing if she could do better. Maybe she realized you are better for her but she's too invested in the relationship she is in to leave. Sometimes you never find out. Try to move and and let this one go.


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