Jump to content

'Too Sensitive and Emotional'


shineyboot

Recommended Posts

All my life I've been told I'm 'too sensitive' I looked up HSP's recently - highly sensitive people and I have all the traits it made sense. I find life as a HSP quite hard, especially dating. I have my life in order but shy away from human connections because I am so sensitive.

 

Unfortunately 'just move on' doesn't always work, I feel deeply and can be disturbed for long amounts of time by seemingly small and petty things by others standards.

 

I am currently having counselling and I am learning to accept myself more.

 

I tend to get quite emotional and can't always hide my emotions. Then I feel embarrassed.

 

Any advice?

Link to comment

As someone who also is very sensitive and feels things deeply, I think it's important to celebrate the wonderful things about being sensitive and emotional as much as the challenges! Once you embrace and appreciate the good qualities of your sensitivity, it becomes easier to accept the ones that are more difficult to handle at times.

 

It's not easy dating when you are a sensitive person by any means, however counselling and self-acceptance go a long way to helping overcome this.

Link to comment

Well.. to be clear "just move on" doesn't work because you probably have never truly moved on. :)

When you are truly able to move on, it works. So let's clear that up RIGHT AWAY!

 

If HSP is defined and you have all the traits and believe yourself to be HSP, then seeing a therapist is always a great way to understand and thus be armed with tools to change things. There is NEVER shame in seeing a therapist.. EVER!

Beyond that what you will find is that one of the best lessons ANY of us can learn is how to "let go". Extremely important in so many different ways on how to just let things go.

 

It truly is just a matter of just letting it go, not dwelling on things, not letting it bother you, and essentially moving on. I mean, you can't NOT move on and somehow fix this.. understand?

 

it's just like saying, "i want to find a job.... but without having to network, apply, or do interviews". Either you do it or you don't you see. So advice #1 is to STOP saying you 'don't want to move on" and start tellign yourself "i TOTALLY want to move on.. i want to and WILL just move on" and start saying that. You'll be surprsied how powerful that is if you just say that.. rather then constantly say to yourself "i dont' want to move on.. i can't just move on".. etc.

 

The best way I know how to express how to "move on", "let go" - is to "stay in the moment" as much as you can. Staying in the moment means you make a very conscious effort to stay present to what's happening NOW, in front of you. This means noticing the sounds you're hearing, noticing the visuals you are seeing, noticing and being conscious of what's going on around you, how you're feeling. and especially "staying in the moment" about any and all interactions you are having (like on dates!) The more you are focused on the moment and staying focused on what's happening NOW - the less your brain will go off and fil your head about all those other things that start the HSP path.

 

So instead of, "why did she ask me that questions and word it like that?" Pay attention to, "hmmm what is my answer to that? that was a super cute smile she had when she said that.. this coffee tastes so good and feels so warm... the smell from that bakery is outstanding.."

 

These 2 skills (learning to let go, staying in the moment always) - which are really the same thing - will dramatifcally change your world. And again.. just need to be done. There is no other way to get there, than just to do it. (you can't walk "but without using your legs"...)

 

Good luck.

Link to comment

I think that there is 'moving on' and burying things that is.. not talking about it and not thinking about it. Then there is moving on after examination, 'airing' your thoughts and feelings with others preferably therapists or impartial sorts.

 

There is often a need to dwell and think in order to make sense of it all and learn the lessons. We can't learn unless we look at ourselves (and we do this by looking at how others treated us). I think there are many who think they have moved on but they are just not thinking about it or what happened so the lessons aren't learnt.

 

I want to move on having learnt.

Link to comment

Yes I can 'be in the moment' and forget things that way of course this is important. However I feel strongly that there is a time for 'dwelling' and feeling all the feelings (however unpleasant) thinking about it especially after some time as you have the benefit of perspective. I'm fed up of those telling me to 'get on with it' when I want to examine myself and my behaviour because I wish to grow. Yes there is a danger of getting stuck but there is lessons in this and I won't learn them just by thinking of the smell of the bread.

Link to comment
Yes I can 'be in the moment' and forget things that way of course this is important. However I feel strongly that there is a time for 'dwelling' and feeling all the feelings (however unpleasant) thinking about it especially after some time as you have the benefit of perspective. I'm fed up of those telling me to 'get on with it' when I want to examine myself and my behaviour because I wish to grow. Yes there is a danger of getting stuck but there is lessons in this and I won't learn them just by thinking of the smell of the bread.

 

Yes you are right there are things that need to be "dealt with" and not swept under the rug. Very true.

But those that typically achieve that don't "dwell". They take the time to assess and truly do it - then make a decision and go. it is not something they dwell on and revisit tons of times. That's something different.

 

Plus.. no achiever "dwells" on the small tiny things - as you have siad you do. So it still remains that healthy individuals that achieve are able to "move on" and "learn to let it go" so they can move on. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the small tiny piddly things.

 

LASTLY.. here is somethign else to consider. Would you take financial advice from a billionare or a broke person in high debt? if you're smart you take it from the billionare. Similar to this situation - if you want to achieve and not be HSP, are you going to listen to the beliefs of an HSP.. or listen to the beliefs and advise of somebody who isn't HSP?

 

If you're going to stick to "well this is what i believe in", and you are HSP - you can see how that formula will never allow you to conquor HSP right?

Link to comment

I'd like to understand it, not change it. I can't change it as it is part of what makes me me. I understand that it makes me very sensitive to others (a good thing) and very insightful as a person so not all bad. There are many benefits to being highly sensitive as emotions are necessary, it is a good thing to feel. The worse things would be not to feel anything to be numbed to the world.

 

I don't think dwelling makes me unable to achieve.

Link to comment

oh i apologize. so you want to undrstand your HSP, not change it.

Please accept my apologies for assuming you wanted it changed.

 

My guess is.. insecurity levels. Almost everything is a derivative of insecurity levels.

 

Therapist can make quick work of this obviously and give far more reliable information than a public internet forums.

Link to comment

As with anything else, the point is not to change it but to manage it so that it does not interfere with your happiness or well being. Also many be people have an enormous capacity for compassion and empathy without being self conscious or feeling touchy. Perhaps focus on emphasizing the positives and managing the negatives of this.

I'd like to understand it, not change it. I can't change it as it is part of what makes me me.
Link to comment

I'm "too sensitive and emotional" too. It's not all bad and you shouldn't force to change that if that's you are by nature but you can work on managing the negative effects of it. It requires effort and sometimes taking some time to think before you react to things.

 

It's ok to feel emotions and empathy, what's not so good is when you react in ways that jeopardize your self, others and your relationships. In other words, what is important to change is our reactions and not the core of who we are.

Link to comment

I find it helpful to honor my emotional reactions with some boo-hoos and a tissue box. But instead of drilling myself into a deeper hole to climb out of, I reach for some rational, problem-solving thinking, and I talk myself into adopting the kind of resilience I want to develop as a life skill. I model my next steps after people I admire. for instance, "What would my sister tell me to do right now?"

 

Being sensitive isn't a life sentence of allowing unchecked emotions to drive us off the deep end with every bump in the road. We can choose to develop the emotional intelligence and maturity to recognize our control over the kind of thinking that either lifts us UP or drives us into a pit. That's a choice within our control, and I remind myself of this whenever I'm emotional: I can respect my initial reactions even while I talk myself into the kind of optimism and confidence that will enhance my life.

 

Head high, and honor your emotions even while you steer your own ship.

Link to comment

Congratulations on staying true to yourself. I've tried just about everything to deal with my emotional nature and have found that moving through emotions is the only answer (at least for me). The problem is the difficulty in completely moving through the emotion, in order to gain its true message; everyone judges their emotions, to one degree or another, and therefore blocks their transformative power. When we can be COMPLETLEY in the moment with an emotion is when their true power shines; the message will have been heard, and you can move on, empowered by the broader scope of your inherent nature. Since you already have ready access to your emotions, you are spared half the difficulty. You are lucky. The next step is embodying your energy to let it lead you to your greater self. If you are interested in this avenue of exploration, let me know, and I'll send you info that made my emotional nature my greatest gift.

Link to comment

Thanks great advice.

 

I am beginning to understand myself, I've always been an emotional child so I know it is in my nature. When I use the word emotional people think I cry all the time. I do but in private I rarely show my emotions in front of others, I have become very good at hiding them. Emotions are often associated with 'drama' and I get accused of being 'dramatic' and that is annoying. I'm a calm, quiet and shy person but I feel deeply, not some overdramatic, attention seeking diva. We live in the emotional dark ages and even the work 'emotional' is a dirty word for some. This is so wrong. Men should be encouraged to show their emotions and they might relate to women better. It is wrong that women are always the 'emotional' out of control ones and men aren't - many men have feelings and emotions. Personally I really want to be with a sensitive man who can show a more vulnerable side.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...