Extreme indicisiveness/anxiety is something wrong with me?

Hi everyone. I am 30 years old and have always had some anxiety issues but I would say mild nothing that bad. Also have always been indecisive and over analyzing life decisions. I drive myself crazy with stress over this and have gotten myself Ill. I recently started a new job after 8 years at my old job for a higher salary. Turns out the new job isn’t a good fit (great people but I hate the work it’s in a different skill set within my field) I went on a job interview and got a job doing the same type of work i enjoy. I took the job then immediately reneged the offer. I am going crazy making this decision to stay or go I haven’t slept and I don’t know why I am so insecure with my decision making. I called back the job and said I am sorry I reneged but would like to work with you and they were happy to have me. Now I am agonizing on telling my current job I’m quitting after a month. Is there something wrong with me, or am I just bad at decisions ? Otherwise my life is pretty stable with friends and family. Thanks

"Ghosting, if you haven’t heard, is a common event among dating couples: one person goes radio silent without explanation, after exchanging several messages, or even after a few dates.

Recently the millennial term has come to describe a similar breakup between employers and employees. Across the US, so many people are simply not showing up for job interviews, not responding to job offers, silently blowing off a job they’ve already accepted, or even mysteriously not returning to work one day, that economists at the Federal Reserve Bank took notice. Last week, the term appeared in the Fed’s Beige Book, a periodic roundup of economic conditions around the country, making “ghosting at work” an official US labor market trend."

https://www.businessinsider.com/workers-ghosting-jobs-quitting-2018-12

I did stay at my last job for 8 years though so it’s not like ghosting jobs is a major pattern. I just keep changing my mind and get extreme anxiety from making big decisions.

I did stay at my last job for 8 years though so it’s not like ghosting jobs is a major pattern. I just keep changing my mind and get extreme anxiety from making big decisions.

Well...I think you do need to recognize that changing jobs IS a big decision and so feeling anxious about that is normal. Feeling stressed about it is also normal.

The issue isn't that you feel anxious or stressed about it but rather how to handle this stress better and more effectively.

So maybe break it down to smaller pieces and start identifying your various concerns and then addressing them one by one logically. For example, taking a new job because the pay is way better - good and logical. Doing something you don't like in exchange for that bigger paycheck may or may not be worth it. You get to decide. Obviously, you now know it's not worth it, so you are correct to seek a job that suits your skills better. With change, you have to expect some discomfort and needing to make adjustments. You need to give yourself time to adjust and you need to accept that change is not comfortable and it's OK.

It's also OK to just be your own authentic self. If you learn from this experience that you don't like change and that you'd rather stay in a job you are comfortable in rather than chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - that's good and you can operate accordingly. Know yourself and what is driving you and that will help reduce anxiety.

Well...I think you do need to recognize that changing jobs IS a big decision and so feeling anxious about that is normal. Feeling stressed about it is also normal.

The issue isn't that you feel anxious or stressed about it but rather how to handle this stress better and more effectively.

 

So maybe break it down to smaller pieces and start identifying your various concerns and then addressing them one by one logically. For example, taking a new job because the pay is way better - good and logical. Doing something you don't like in exchange for that bigger paycheck may or may not be worth it. You get to decide. Obviously, you now know it's not worth it, so you are correct to seek a job that suits your skills better. With change, you have to expect some discomfort and needing to make adjustments. You need to give yourself time to adjust and you need to accept that change is not comfortable and it's OK.

 

It's also OK to just be your own authentic self. If you learn from this experience that you don't like change and that you'd rather stay in a job you are comfortable in rather than chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - that's good and you can operate accordingly. Know yourself and what is driving you and that will help reduce anxiety.

Awesome advice ! Thanks a lot I appreciate it. How would you approach telling my current job I’m quitting so soon without feeling like I’m screwing them over? They have a deadline in several months so I’m worried about impacting them but I know I need to worrry about myself first and foremost as long as I respectfully resign and give notice should be all good right ?

Awesome advice ! Thanks a lot I appreciate it. How would you approach telling my current job I’m quitting so soon without feeling like I’m screwing them over? They have a deadline in several months so I’m worried about impacting them but I know I need to worrry about myself first and foremost as long as I respectfully resign and give notice should be all good right ?

The sooner you do it, the better. Basically, the faster they can get on to hiring someone else. Since you were there barely a month, it's likely they can still reach out to their top 3-4 people they interviewed along with you and bring someone else in fast. A written letter of resignation is best. Brief and to the point. Thank you for the opportunity, but sadly I need to resign effective x date. You really don't need to explain yourself much. People quit jobs all the time. It's not as big of a deal to the company as you are building it up to be in your mind.

If they talk to you more or do an exit interview or try to see if they can get you to stay, just be sure that you stay firm in your decision to leave. Don't keep going back and forth. Know where you want to be and don't let people talk you out of it.

Is this weird or unhealthy? yes.

Is it uncommon? No.

Why did you reneg the new job offer to begin with?

What are you so worried about giving your notice to the job you're leaving?

Let's start there and we can then be more helpful to you.

And no.. there is never any shame in going to a therapist and this definitely qualifies as somethign a therapist can help with.

Is this weird or unhealthy? yes.

Is it uncommon? No.

 

Why did you reneg the new job offer to begin with?

What are you so worried about giving your notice to the job you're leaving?

 

Let's start there and we can then be more helpful to you.

 

And no.. there is never any shame in going to a therapist and this definitely qualifies as somethign a therapist can help with.

I am worried about giving my notice because I just started a month ago and we have a busy time of year approaching.

I am worried about giving my notice because I just started a month ago and we have a busy time of year approaching.

Why?

that's their problem, not yours.

They have survived long enough and up to a month ago without you working there - they will certainly be fine and survive WITHOUT you there after a month.

You need to put YOURSELF first. That company is putting itself first - why not you also?

You found a better opportunity that this company can not give or offer you - that's on them, not you.

If you truly like an want the new opportunity - and make sure you do - then accept it. Verify it's in writing (email is fine). I myself wait until i'm signing papers.

Then give notice at your old work.

sometimes i do give longer notices because of somethign important (if the employer leaving asks me to, or i just want to because i want to have that experience or want to finish something i was veyr involved with so i can put that on my resume - but important.. it has to be FOR ME to want to finish, not for the employer), then I may use that to negotiate - with either side. If the new employer wants me sooner, then I might say I will put the emphasis on them to come sooner for a bit more money or a bonus. Likewise if the old employer really wants me to stay, I can negotiate that to do that will require a little extra something as i would be turning down more money and losing it by staying longer... etc.

ALWAYS for you first when it comes to business.. ALWAYS!

ESPECIALLY you've only had a relatioship with the old employer for 1 month! The first few months are just "understood" in business that either side could cut bait if it doesn't work out or wasn't what you were expecting.

stop worrying about everybody else.

worry about you and what's best for you and will make you happiest..

PERIOD!

Why?

 

that's their problem, not yours.

They have survived long enough and up to a month ago without you working there - they will certainly be fine and survive WITHOUT you there after a month.

 

You need to put YOURSELF first. That company is putting itself first - why not you also?

You found a better opportunity that this company can not give or offer you - that's on them, not you.

 

If you truly like an want the new opportunity - and make sure you do - then accept it. Verify it's in writing (email is fine). I myself wait until i'm signing papers.

Then give notice at your old work.

 

sometimes i do give longer notices because of somethign important (if the employer leaving asks me to, or i just want to because i want to have that experience or want to finish something i was veyr involved with so i can put that on my resume - but important.. it has to be FOR ME to want to finish, not for the employer), then I may use that to negotiate - with either side. If the new employer wants me sooner, then I might say I will put the emphasis on them to come sooner for a bit more money or a bonus. Likewise if the old employer really wants me to stay, I can negotiate that to do that will require a little extra something as i would be turning down more money and losing it by staying longer... etc.

 

ALWAYS for you first when it comes to business.. ALWAYS!

ESPECIALLY you've only had a relatioship with the old employer for 1 month! The first few months are just "understood" in business that either side could cut bait if it doesn't work out or wasn't what you were expecting.

 

stop worrying about everybody else.

worry about you and what's best for you and will make you happiest..

PERIOD![/quote

 

Thanks a lot you guys all are really helping. I think the indecisiveness is also tied into being a people pleaser as well but your are right I need to do what makes me happy.

I am worried about giving my notice because I just started a month ago and we have a busy time of year approaching.

Sorry but there is no "we" here. This isn't a relationship and your employer isn't your gf. They'll fire you in a heartbeat the moment their business needs change and won't give one thought to how you'll feel about it or that you need to pay your rent. Richey is right that you need to stop worrying so much about others and start putting that energy into getting what you want for yourself when it comes to work and money. This is where you really need to strive to be less personal.

I think you need a break for some time from your job. Go for outing with friends or family to another place where you feel peace. Silent mind helps you in solving the problems. Ask yourself why you are changing the mind continuously choose the best solution and stick to it only even if they some disadvantages. You have to do compromise in life on such things.

Your anxiety stems from your respect for others and the impact of your decision. You have that decency to be considerate to the employers you are dealing with. Good sign. But as everyone said, these are hard decisions and you will be the one most affected so you need to put yourself first. These situations are common and employers are getting used to it as it becomes more prevalent and they are willing to work with the applicants. So, go for the job you reneged where they are happy to have you. Simply explain to the one month employer that this would be better for everyone in the long run because sooner or later you might leave them anyway. Like someone said here, they can still get in touch with the other candidates.