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Thread: Extreme indicisiveness/anxiety is something wrong with me?

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    Extreme indicisiveness/anxiety is something wrong with me?

    Hi everyone. I am 30 years old and have always had some anxiety issues but I would say mild nothing that bad. Also have always been indecisive and over analyzing life decisions. I drive myself crazy with stress over this and have gotten myself Ill. I recently started a new job after 8 years at my old job for a higher salary. Turns out the new job isnít a good fit (great people but I hate the work itís in a different skill set within my field) I went on a job interview and got a job doing the same type of work i enjoy. I took the job then immediately reneged the offer. I am going crazy making this decision to stay or go I havenít slept and I donít know why I am so insecure with my decision making. I called back the job and said I am sorry I reneged but would like to work with you and they were happy to have me. Now I am agonizing on telling my current job Iím quitting after a month. Is there something wrong with me, or am I just bad at decisions ? Otherwise my life is pretty stable with friends and family. Thanks

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Ghosting, if you havenít heard, is a common event among dating couples: one person goes radio silent without explanation, after exchanging several messages, or even after a few dates.

    Recently the millennial term has come to describe a similar breakup between employers and employees. Across the US, so many people are simply not showing up for job interviews, not responding to job offers, silently blowing off a job theyíve already accepted, or even mysteriously not returning to work one day, that economists at the Federal Reserve Bank took notice. Last week, the term appeared in the Fedís Beige Book, a periodic roundup of economic conditions around the country, making ďghosting at workĒ an official US labor market trend."

    [Register to see the link]

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    I did stay at my last job for 8 years though so itís not like ghosting jobs is a major pattern. I just keep changing my mind and get extreme anxiety from making big decisions.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Waves2000
    I did stay at my last job for 8 years though so itís not like ghosting jobs is a major pattern. I just keep changing my mind and get extreme anxiety from making big decisions.
    Well...I think you do need to recognize that changing jobs IS a big decision and so feeling anxious about that is normal. Feeling stressed about it is also normal.
    The issue isn't that you feel anxious or stressed about it but rather how to handle this stress better and more effectively.

    So maybe break it down to smaller pieces and start identifying your various concerns and then addressing them one by one logically. For example, taking a new job because the pay is way better - good and logical. Doing something you don't like in exchange for that bigger paycheck may or may not be worth it. You get to decide. Obviously, you now know it's not worth it, so you are correct to seek a job that suits your skills better. With change, you have to expect some discomfort and needing to make adjustments. You need to give yourself time to adjust and you need to accept that change is not comfortable and it's OK.

    It's also OK to just be your own authentic self. If you learn from this experience that you don't like change and that you'd rather stay in a job you are comfortable in rather than chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - that's good and you can operate accordingly. Know yourself and what is driving you and that will help reduce anxiety.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Well...I think you do need to recognize that changing jobs IS a big decision and so feeling anxious about that is normal. Feeling stressed about it is also normal.
    The issue isn't that you feel anxious or stressed about it but rather how to handle this stress better and more effectively.

    So maybe break it down to smaller pieces and start identifying your various concerns and then addressing them one by one logically. For example, taking a new job because the pay is way better - good and logical. Doing something you don't like in exchange for that bigger paycheck may or may not be worth it. You get to decide. Obviously, you now know it's not worth it, so you are correct to seek a job that suits your skills better. With change, you have to expect some discomfort and needing to make adjustments. You need to give yourself time to adjust and you need to accept that change is not comfortable and it's OK.

    It's also OK to just be your own authentic self. If you learn from this experience that you don't like change and that you'd rather stay in a job you are comfortable in rather than chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - that's good and you can operate accordingly. Know yourself and what is driving you and that will help reduce anxiety.
    Awesome advice ! Thanks a lot I appreciate it. How would you approach telling my current job Iím quitting so soon without feeling like Iím screwing them over? They have a deadline in several months so Iím worried about impacting them but I know I need to worrry about myself first and foremost as long as I respectfully resign and give notice should be all good right ?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Waves2000
    Awesome advice ! Thanks a lot I appreciate it. How would you approach telling my current job Iím quitting so soon without feeling like Iím screwing them over? They have a deadline in several months so Iím worried about impacting them but I know I need to worrry about myself first and foremost as long as I respectfully resign and give notice should be all good right ?
    The sooner you do it, the better. Basically, the faster they can get on to hiring someone else. Since you were there barely a month, it's likely they can still reach out to their top 3-4 people they interviewed along with you and bring someone else in fast. A written letter of resignation is best. Brief and to the point. Thank you for the opportunity, but sadly I need to resign effective x date. You really don't need to explain yourself much. People quit jobs all the time. It's not as big of a deal to the company as you are building it up to be in your mind.

    If they talk to you more or do an exit interview or try to see if they can get you to stay, just be sure that you stay firm in your decision to leave. Don't keep going back and forth. Know where you want to be and don't let people talk you out of it.

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    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Is this weird or unhealthy? yes.
    Is it uncommon? No.

    Why did you reneg the new job offer to begin with?
    What are you so worried about giving your notice to the job you're leaving?

    Let's start there and we can then be more helpful to you.

    And no.. there is never any shame in going to a therapist and this definitely qualifies as somethign a therapist can help with.

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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    Is this weird or unhealthy? yes.
    Is it uncommon? No.

    Why did you reneg the new job offer to begin with?
    What are you so worried about giving your notice to the job you're leaving?

    Let's start there and we can then be more helpful to you.

    And no.. there is never any shame in going to a therapist and this definitely qualifies as somethign a therapist can help with.
    I am worried about giving my notice because I just started a month ago and we have a busy time of year approaching.

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    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Waves2000
    I am worried about giving my notice because I just started a month ago and we have a busy time of year approaching.
    Why?

    that's their problem, not yours.
    They have survived long enough and up to a month ago without you working there - they will certainly be fine and survive WITHOUT you there after a month.

    You need to put YOURSELF first. That company is putting itself first - why not you also?
    You found a better opportunity that this company can not give or offer you - that's on them, not you.

    If you truly like an want the new opportunity - and make sure you do - then accept it. Verify it's in writing (email is fine). I myself wait until i'm signing papers.
    Then give notice at your old work.

    sometimes i do give longer notices because of somethign important (if the employer leaving asks me to, or i just want to because i want to have that experience or want to finish something i was veyr involved with so i can put that on my resume - but important.. it has to be FOR ME to want to finish, not for the employer), then I may use that to negotiate - with either side. If the new employer wants me sooner, then I might say I will put the emphasis on them to come sooner for a bit more money or a bonus. Likewise if the old employer really wants me to stay, I can negotiate that to do that will require a little extra something as i would be turning down more money and losing it by staying longer... etc.

    ALWAYS for you first when it comes to business.. ALWAYS!
    ESPECIALLY you've only had a relatioship with the old employer for 1 month! The first few months are just "understood" in business that either side could cut bait if it doesn't work out or wasn't what you were expecting.

    stop worrying about everybody else.
    worry about you and what's best for you and will make you happiest..
    PERIOD!

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    [QUOTE=thisisrichey;7093254]Why?

    that's their problem, not yours.
    They have survived long enough and up to a month ago without you working there - they will certainly be fine and survive WITHOUT you there after a month.

    You need to put YOURSELF first. That company is putting itself first - why not you also?
    You found a better opportunity that this company can not give or offer you - that's on them, not you.

    If you truly like an want the new opportunity - and make sure you do - then accept it. Verify it's in writing (email is fine). I myself wait until i'm signing papers.
    Then give notice at your old work.

    sometimes i do give longer notices because of somethign important (if the employer leaving asks me to, or i just want to because i want to have that experience or want to finish something i was veyr involved with so i can put that on my resume - but important.. it has to be FOR ME to want to finish, not for the employer), then I may use that to negotiate - with either side. If the new employer wants me sooner, then I might say I will put the emphasis on them to come sooner for a bit more money or a bonus. Likewise if the old employer really wants me to stay, I can negotiate that to do that will require a little extra something as i would be turning down more money and losing it by staying longer... etc.

    ALWAYS for you first when it comes to business.. ALWAYS!
    ESPECIALLY you've only had a relatioship with the old employer for 1 month! The first few months are just "understood" in business that either side could cut bait if it doesn't work out or wasn't what you were expecting.

    stop worrying about everybody else.
    worry about you and what's best for you and will make you happiest..
    PERIOD![/QUOTE

    Thanks a lot you guys all are really helping. I think the indecisiveness is also tied into being a people pleaser as well but your are right I need to do what makes me happy.

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