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Thread: Am I going mad ? Please help

  1. #1
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    Am I going mad ? Please help

    I started seeing someone last September and we went out on dates once a week for a couple of months. I wanted to know if we were going to be exclusive but he said he wasnít ready for a relationship he just wanted to be friends. His ex wife and past girlfriends had really put him through the ringer and he had just lost his job so said that he canít even look after himself let alone have a girlfriend so that was that . He said never say never and if we canít be friends how can we be lovers . So since November we have been only friends . I usually see him once a week Iíve met all his friends he doesnít seem to mind introducing me to them as his friend. Itís just the last few times Iíve stayed over at his when we have been out drinking Iíve shared his bed . He hasnít tried to have sex with me but has cuddled into me. Last week we had arranged to meet up and he said he was seeing his group of friends I was welcome to join them so I said yeah sounds good. Day before meeting up he said he might not manage his mum was ill so I said no worries itís ok . But then his friend who is a woman messaged saying he had mentioned I was coming out and it would be good to see me. I said he wasnít coming but I would come out anyway. When I got there she said he had told her to text me to invite me out even though he wasnít sure he would be there but then he showed up later that evening once he had been to the hospital. Iím just confused really is this just friendship ?

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    He never wanted a relationship with you and he told you that up front. He is enjoying hanging out and cuddling with you. He likes hanging out with you when it's convenient for him. He knows that you will show up when it's convenient for him. It's not just friendship -if he thought of you as a good friend he likely would treat you with more respect as far as making plans and keeping them. Why are you choosing to cuddle with someone who you have feelings for - aren't you concerned about getting attached to someone who doesn't want a relationship with you?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He told you flat out that he isn't interested in a relationship with you. What you've done since is toss your self respect into the trash and hang around him hoping he'll change his mind as he sees how wonderful you are. Except that he doesn't see how wonderful you are, he sees you as lacking self respect, so he doesn't respect you either and he is just using you as is convenient for him. Certainly you'll hop to it as you've already proven. I mean really....he won't even bother to text you himself, has someone else do it and you go galloping like you have no friends or life of your own....smh....think how that looks and what you are actually doing.

    Also, beware of anyone who will blame and badmouth their ex's. Invariably, you'll find out the hard way why their ex's went crazy. Hint: it's him. He is the common denominator. In fact, you are already starting to experience the crazy making as we speak.

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    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    he said he wasnít ready for a relationship he just wanted to be friends. His ex wife and past girlfriends had really put him through the ringer and he had just lost his job so said that he canít even look after himself let alone have a girlfriend so that was that .
    The answer to your question is above. The confusion is you wanting something else to evolve and not accepting the reality of the situation.

    There is nothing in your above post that suggests he wants more than a friendship with you. That being said... if you continue to stay over and sleep in his bed you will most likely end up sleeping together but again... doesn't mean you will end up in a relationship.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    While you wait on this guy hoping he will change his mind you waste valuable time you could be using trying to meet a guy that DOES want what you want.

    Yes he is just a friend (in his mind) but you see him as a future boyfriend/relationship in your mind.

    Trust what you see and hear in this case. You are just friends and he has stated he doesn't want what you want.

    Scale back your time spent with him and focus on meeting new guys.

    BTW if he is out of work how does he have money to go out all the time? I hope you aren't paying...

    Lost

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    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Don't be friends with men you have feelings for and have clearly expressed they don't want a relationship with you. Being friends in the expectation that they change their mind along the way. Or at least if you're going to be friends with him don't hang around waiting and date and go out with other people.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where do you want this to go?
    Originally Posted by Abimor123
    Iím just confused really is this just friendship ?

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    I like him and itís hard to know Iím only ever going to be a friend to him. I guess Iím just deluding myself thinking because he cuddled me in bed I mean more to him than just a pal

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Abimor123
    I like him and itís hard to know Iím only ever going to be a friend to him. I guess Iím just deluding myself thinking because he cuddled me in bed I mean more to him than just a pal
    For your own emotional health and sanity you need to stop hanging around this guy and playing friendzies while desperately hoping to be more. Will he sleep with you at some point? Sure. Will that raise your hopes up that finally you will get a relationship? Yes. Do you know how devastated you'll be when he introduces you to his new gf? Do you want to put yourself through this nightmare? I hope not. Please, just cut contact and walk away. Look to date guys who actually want what you want and more importantly, want that with you and don't waste your time on time wasters like this. You wouldn't even be so attached at all had you walked away sooner.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Abimor123
    I like him and itís hard to know Iím only ever going to be a friend to him. I guess Iím just deluding myself thinking because he cuddled me in bed I mean more to him than just a pal
    Why would cuddling in bed mean he wants a relationship with you when he's told you a number of times he doesn't want that and doesn't ask you out on proper dates on top of that. He is cuddling you because he likes to. I wouldn't read into it.

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