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Thread: I really need help knowing what to do

  1. #1

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    Feb 2019
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    I really need help knowing what to do

    Hey!

    Please help me as i am absolutely rubbish at dating and i let my emotions take over which ruins thing every time.

    Basically i met a guy in 2017 and we had a couple of dates, he went pretty distant on me after the second date so i sent him a message saying 'you're clearly not interested blah blah' he messaged back saying he is sorry he hasnt been in touch he found out his ex (his daughters mum) was diagnosed with cancer.
    I felt terrible and since that day i have never sent messages like that when men go distant as its just angry behaviour and i dont like it. Anyway, we lost contact as i knew he had a lot on. We then re connected last year in the Aug and he told me his daughters mum had passed away in the May which is just awful. So now he has moved closer to his family for support as he now has her full time. He works nearish me and has an hour and 40 min commute every day so he does have a lot on.

    After him cancelling/trying to re arrange about 4/5 dates we finaly met up again just before Christmas, it was so nice to see him and he met up again twice after the New year. He isnt overly chatty on texts and its usualy me that starts the conversations or asks to see him but once ive done that hes's chatty and we get on realy well when we are together.
    I met him last week on his lunchbreak from work as i was in his area, he asked to see me that wekend and said he will sort childcare and let me know, but he didnt. He often says he is going to do things and then just doesnt.

    I had no idea what was happening at the weekend so i text him, it took him ove 12 hours to reply and he said his Dad is in hospital so he will see me Monday. He then didnt contact me again so i text him Sat asking how his dad was and he didnt reply until a day later saying hes ok and asking how my weekend is going. I replied but then didnt get a responce for hours later, I then text him again as i wanted to know if we were still meeting on the monday (today) he said he's not sure what is going on yet as he might not be going to work - depending on how his dad is. (His dad has a heart difibulator thing and it went off which is hy hes in hospital)
    So right now its 11.30 on Monday and he hasnt even read my last message which was 7.30 last night and he hasnt let me know if im seeing him today or not. Half of me wants to jog him on, i deserve more but i actually really like him and im not sure if i am asking too much. I keep forgiving the way he's being with me as he's got so much going on. I dont want to ruin things but i dont know if i am being a mug?

    Please help - I am feeling so anxious and just dont know what to do.

    Also - when i text him Sat all it said was Hey, hows your Dad? Hope yuou enjoy the party tonight. He didnt even read it until 12 the next day yet he had viewd my instagram stort of that evening :(

    Thank you for reading x

  2. #2
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    I think it's a combination of him having a lot on his plate, and not being all that into you.

    I wouldn't count on seeing him today. He'd like already have let you know if he were still interested and able to make it. I think I would let this one go, so you can open yourself to other options who are mutually interested and enthusiastic.

  3. #3

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    Thank you! Thats what I thought but i didnt want to be too hasty. Im so hurt he hasnt been in touch when we arranged to meet this evening! Its cruel

  4. #4
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    He is choosing not to include you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. He's not that into you combined with a lot going on for him and you are texting and chasing way too much. Lay way back on the anxiety and texting.

    You learned last time with him, that he is not a constant texter as well as not as eager and anxious as you and you hit him the preemptive strike rant of "you're clearly not interested".

    It may be time to admit you are incompatible and to stop checking your phone constantly and base everything on number of texts response times etc. in general.
    Originally Posted by SBxx
    -i met a guy in 2017 and we had a couple of dates, he went pretty distant on me after the second date so i sent him a message saying 'you're clearly not interested blah blah'

    He isnt overly chatty on texts and its usualy me that starts the conversations or asks to see him

  7. #6
    Shazz's Avatar
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    It one of two options, either he is not that into you or he is into you but needs a little push. I have a similar story, this guy.. he's pooping in every now and again, not realy into a serious relationship but also never really dissappearing. I'm not sure what to think and I still debating on a course of action. I bought this e-book from this relationship Guru.. I started reading it now and it has a lot of insights. I will start following his advise and hope for the best :)

  8. #7

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    Thank you all so much! I didnt think i was texting him all that much, we would sometimes go 2/3 days with no chat. Sometimes he would text and ask how my day is or as how i am etc.. When i saw him last Tuesday it was only for about 40 mins and it was him that suggested hasmging out again but for longer. I suggested the weekend and he said he will let me know (dependidn on childcare) then he just didt, i dont get it. He also text me Tuesday night saying 'It was nice to see you earlier babe' I honestly am just so confused and its taking up so much of my energy - I wish it wouldnt but i cant help think about whats gone wrong :(

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Read the book "He's Just Not That Into You" . It may clear up this and any future confusion.

  10. #9

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    Ok, thank you! Is that an actual book or is that a bit of a dig?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SBxx
    Thank you all so much! I didnt think i was texting him all that much, we would sometimes go 2/3 days with no chat. Sometimes he would text and ask how my day is or as how i am etc.. When i saw him last Tuesday it was only for about 40 mins and it was him that suggested hasmging out again but for longer. I suggested the weekend and he said he will let me know (dependidn on childcare) then he just didt, i dont get it. He also text me Tuesday night saying 'It was nice to see you earlier babe' I honestly am just so confused and its taking up so much of my energy - I wish it wouldnt but i cant help think about whats gone wrong :(
    Actions speak louder than words. Calling you "babe" is meaningless when it's not supported by actions.

    I personally wouldn't waste more time with this guy. You reconnected in August and it took until Christmas to actually see him, and now this. This just isn't the behaviour of a guy who is sincerely into you and wants to take this further. He's fine keeping it pretty casual, whereas it's clear you want something more. It's a struggle to actually have a date, after months of communicating. This is probably as far as it's ever going to go, OP.

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