Should I stay in this relationship?

[takacskinga3]

My boyfriend is a really lovely guy, treats me really well, wants me to be happy. I care for him and I know that I am really lucky to have him, but at the same time I have doubts about our relationship. We have been together for a while and the love has definitely faded a little bit which I think is normal but I am still young and I am not sure that I would want to be with someone just because it is confortable. I feel a little ungrateful because he is trying to give me everything and I keep doubting our relationship because I don't feel that lust anymore. Do you think that if I was working on the relationship and my own thoughts I could feel more connedted to him again and get back the chemistry or I should leave this relationship if I doubt my feelings?

[Wiseman2]

Do you live together? When it it start getting complacent? Is there someone else?

[katrina1980]

What would you prefer? For him to be less loving and giving, more of a challenge?

More exciting? A bit more drama if you will?

Would you mind if I asked how old you are? And what your past relationships have been like?

I'm not judging, when I was very young I preferred a bit of chaos, "nice" guys bored me.

Not proud to admit that but its true.

Even now, I prefer a man challenge me when warranted, my opinions, stand up for himself if he believes differently from me. Or if he believes I am behaving "poorly" (for lack of a better word) in his eyes, I'm certainly not perfect.

Nor is he perfect, and I do the same with him.

A good row now and then can keep things from getting dull and mundane!!

I dunno, maybe I am not the best person to advise on this cause I tend to bore easily and need some distance and spice to maintain my connection.

But curious as to what your previous relationships were like and if you felt the same as you do now.

[katrina1980]

Do you plan on participating in your thread Op?

We can't help you if you don't answer questions and participate.

[MissCanuck]

How old are you both, OP? How long have you been dating?

[Batya33]

I don’t like “nice” either when people define nice to mean pushover. That’s not nice. It’s often fake or comes from a place of insecurity. I like an edge, keeping it real and being put in my place if it’s needed - yes in a respectful way of course. It doesn’t mean you want a bad boy you just might want someone with more of a backbone and that’s ok. My husband used to be too much like that many years ago. We broke up back then before we married. When we got back together several years later he’d grown in confidence and it was a real turn on. Certainly figure out whether you go for “bad boys” or unavailable people - I certainly went through that phase - but you can want someone with an edge and who has an opinion and confidence without wanting a “bad boy”.

[katrina1980]

Yes an "edge" - that's the word I was looking for, thanks Bat!

And agree with everything else you posted too, well said.

[MattN]

If you think you're lacking in the lust department then it could be because you're confusing love with lust. They're basically opposite in my opinion - Love is about trust, comfort, security and friendship - what you have from the sounds of it? And lust is about desire, mystery, and need - one is selfless and one is selfish.

He may be lovely, caring and treat you in the best way possible, but for some people, a partner that is too selfless and caring loses what makes you lust after him. I'm not saying that you need a badboy if you ever want to have a lust for someone for a long time though - like the posts above already said.

Try flirting, watch porn (with or without him), or send him a link to a porno you like the look of (maybe test the water before trying that one hahaha), or sext the dude if he's into that - it sounds simple but if you give a guy some confidence, like you really want him, I garuentee that he will get some more confidence and that may help you see him as a guy you lust for as well as someone you know cares for you.

If you don't feel like any of that then don't worry about ending it - just don't carry on feeling like you should be feeling something that you don't - that'll rarely end up well.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, send it to his work email/phone. 😋😮

send him a link to a porno you like.

[SherrySher]

Dang...leave already. You can't fix that and your poor boyfriend will be the one who suffers when you lust after other men.