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Thread: What to do when she thinks rationally that We canít be together?

  1. #1

    What to do when she thinks rationally that We canít be together?

    Hi everybody.

    My gf broke up with me about One month ago after 1.5 yrs. I am 27 and she is 28.

    Her rational part thinks We cannot fit and that I am not her life companion. Sheís got her reasons to think so... she told me she doesnít love me no more and she has had doubts on our fitness since this summer. Nevertheless We have been in a really good relationship since she dumped me.

    On the Other side I am pretty sure she irrationally still wants me and still has feelings. She is always there for me and she catches me.

    I truly belive sheís the one for me and Iím willing to work hard on the reasons that led her to think that We are not Made for each other.

    What should I do? We are staying in touch after few weeks of no contact. In the last week We chatted for a couple of hours per day. I Am the first to contact her but she always tries to keep the conversation alive. We met once few days ago for a coffee, a couple of Hours, and we agreed it Was a really nice afternoon.

    Iíd like to stay with her. I am not desperate, I had time to heal, but I think that sheís the one and that if I work in few things of mine We Could be perfect together.

    Thanks in advance ti everybody for your suggestions!

    Have a good day

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Well it would appear at this point, any feelings she has are those a good friend would have.

    She flat out told you she doesn't love you anymore (no longer 'attracted to' you) so any feelings you have that she feels otherwise, are either you projecting your feelings on to her or you're in some sort of denial.

    As a woman, please understand the harder you try to "fix" things, get her to fall back in love with you, assumimg she once was, will have the opposite effect -- push her further away.

    Respect yourself, she dumped you, she doesn't love you anymore. She is an adult, you can trust she is aware of her own feelings.

    Stop being her "white knight," grow a backbone and walk away, leave her alone.

    You might have a chance with her if you do that!

    But hanging around being her "friend" trying to fix things, and/or get her to love you again will not work or serve you well in any way shape or form.

    Sorry. :(

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Have a long talk with her and tell her that you think she is the one for you, that you have enjoyed some really great times lately and ask her if she thinks there is chance for a successful relationship for you two if you were to try again, tell her you want to hear what she needs from you to make it work and that you are willing to work to make it a success. If she is agreeable then there you go if she is not, walk away, go no contact, do not try to be friends and move on with your life.

    Time is too precious to hang out in limbo, hoping for someone to come around to agreeing to be with you. Seldom do past lovers make good friends, if they do, its after many months of more of no contact, but don't count on it especially if you will always harbor hope for a romantic relationship with her. This will bring you down and hold you back from moving on in life.

  4. #4
    First of all, welcome.

    It's hard when you really do have feelings for someone but it's not being reciprocated by them. I'd pay attention to what she's been telling you, she said she doesn't love you and doesn't think you are a good fit for her.

    I think you're probably in the friends zone right now, I don't deny there may still be some attraction on her part, but it's still quite a recent split so she still may have some residual feelings for you.

    Has she given any indication that she might be willing to give things another try? If she has, take it slow and see what happens. But if she hasn't given you any feedback that she might want to try again, then personally I'd try and reduce the contact and move on with your life. Remember, it's a recent split for you too and you're still in 'relationship' mode.

    Best of luck!


  6. #5
    There is more than frendship, there is also physical attraction, since in the day she left me we kissed for a really long time and she told me sheís still attracted. Thatís why I suppose her irrational part still wants me... she convinced herself that We donít fit. Thatís why Iíd like to give it a shot! I was thinking about fixing what is wrong, but I ma bere to seek suggestions, so maybe Iíll convince myself that itís over. Thanks for your reply

  7. #6
    @GTrean1956 she told me there is no hope of getting back together, because she is thinking rationally. On the other side she is always accepting my invatations and she always wants to speak with me... so when it comes to facts sheís right there for me and chasing me. Pretty Huge mess I suppose!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    ^^ Walk away leave her alone.

    Let her experience the consequences of what she told you -- she doesn't love you, you're not a good fit, no chance of getting back together.

    Let her experience life without you, give her the opportunity to miss you, long for you, ache for you.

    Assuming she is still attracted or confused or whatever.

    Hanging around in this limbo, allowing her to call the shots will not accomplish what you want, trust me on that!

    It may even cause her to lose respect for you because you're not respecting yourself, valuing yourself.

    No woman will respect you if you don't respect and value yourself first.

    Go no contact. And stay no contact.

    Only resume contact if she tells you she realized she is madly in love with you, she made a mistake and wants to do whatever she can to make it work.

    She is the one who dumped you after all.

  9. #8
    I completely agree with what katrina1980 said. This women sounds at best confused and at worst, she's friends zoning you. Pay attention to what she's telling you!

    Give her space, walk away. See what happens but don't initiate any contact.

    If she does still want to rekindle things, in time she'll contact you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    She can't miss you if you're always around.

    She can't know what life would be like without you in it if you're always contacting her.

    Step away. If she contacts you, fine. If not, then she doesn't miss you.

    And don't think you need to stay in contact because she might "forget" you. Unless she suddenly suffers a TBI, she will not forget you exist.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Yeah this fear of "forgetting you exist" if you respect yourself and go no contact makes no sense.

    It's the opposite!

    She will think about you more!

    Often times absence does make the heart grow fonder, especially when someone is ambivalent, uncertain, confused, scared.

    Being "in their face" (hanging around) all the time only serves to keep them stuck in that uncertainty.

    Please learn this!!

    Let her breathe, let her miss you, let her long for you!! Ache for you.

    You may be able to turn this around, but not by doing what you are currently doing and you can take that to the bank! Lol

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