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Thread: Why can't she just tell me?

  1. #1
    raditya222's Avatar
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    Why can't she just tell me?

    Hey everyone, so, I have this girlfriend who never actually answer my question about something. It is not like the question is about her deepest privacy or anything. It is just like one those question when you just offer your gf somethin and then she refuses. But the problem is, she never actually telling me the real reason. And I have to try to make guesses, and when I said, "It's not about it, isn't it? But about....", she only answer, "haha", like she was saying, yep you're right haha.

    I've been telling her that it is okay to tell me the truth and I would never be mad at her, because why would I? If she has her reasons, well, she can have it, it is her right to do that. But it keeps happening everytime, and it is so frustating sometimes, like, why cant she just tell me?? Is it soo hard to tell the truth?? I wont be mad, or judge, or make fun of it, I just want to understand you more. That's all.

    Look, all i want is for her to be happy. I would gladly do anything for her, but I am afraid that there is somethin that is keeping her for telling me the real reason. Am i just overthinkng? or too curious? is it wrong that I want to know the reasons? Or is she just dont want to offend me and I should be glad for it?

    I need to know what to do about it? Should I keep forcing her to tell me? or just let it go although you know she is just making excuses. But tell you what, it huts me everytime whenshe did it.

    What should I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What kinds of questions are these and how often do you ask her?

  3. #3
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    Yes, understanding the context would be helpful. Itís hard to tell you whether you are overthinking or whether she is reasonable to want privacy without knowing what you are asking about.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Why do you need to know this info? Probing and being nosy is rude. Leave her alone.

    She'll tell you when and if she's ready, it's appropriate and you stop nagging her.

    If you are asking about her prior relationships or sexual history learn right now that is never any of your business. "Forcing her to tell" you anything is abusive. You need to get a grip before she dumps you.
    Originally Posted by raditya222
    Hey everyone, so, I have this girlfriend who never actually answer my question about something.

    I've been telling her that it is okay to tell me the truth and I would never be mad at her.

    Should I keep forcing her to tell me?

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  6. #5
    raditya222's Avatar
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    well, it's like, when i asked her if she wants to go to this place for a date then she refused because of some things... but later I find out that actually she was tired that day. That is only one example but you guys get the point, right? and there is a lot of small questions like that, that she wouldnt answer directly. I know it sounds a bit silly, but this small things are really annoying for me. Like why cant she just say it to me?

  7. #6
    raditya222's Avatar
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    no no, ofcourse not, like i said just small questions...

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you from a different culture or socioeconomic background? She's trying to be polite. Few people would blurt out "just don't feel like seeing you" or "that place sucks" so "I'm tired" or "I'm busy" sounds more diplomatic.

    What's the difference? Why is it an issue? Why not suggest she pick the place, time, activity, day, date,etc?
    Originally Posted by raditya222
    well, it's like, when i asked her if she wants to go to this place for a date then she refused because of some things... but later I find out that actually she was tired that day.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    What happens if you ask her an open question, such as, How do you like to spend your weekends? What gives you a sense of balance?

  10. #9
    raditya222's Avatar
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    look guys, I get it, but dont only focus on that one question, it only represent the kind of "small question" that i am talking about. I am asking her that because she always love it, then suddenly she refused... and believe me I never force her anything, so I thought there is somethin else, and i always have to make guesses.

    if she said it directly the real reason, I could maybe give the solution or just do things that comfort her. Maybe you guys are right, maybe she just wants to be polite, if thats the case, well, I should be glad.

    All I want is to understand her, to know what is going on inside her head so that I could be a better boyfriend. That's all.

  11. #10
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    I think I understand what you are saying...

    To me, itís one of two things

    1) Sheís just that way. Itís just who she is. This is where it helps to know her family or friends. Observe. Does she do this to other people? If so, she may be a people pleaser or a poor communicator. Maybe she doesnít want to tell you she is tired because she doesnít want to disappoint you - so she makes it about the place instead of about her. Does she often tell people what they want to hear? Does she often try not to take responsibility for stuff or make things not her fault?

    2) Itís you. Try to be reflective and be really, REALLY honest with yourself. If she had said she was tired, would you have tried to push her to go anyways? Or take a nap later? If you are pushy, other people likely would have said this to you in life. Do people tell you that you are pushy? Or argumentative? Or try to avoid debating with you sometimes? Only you know if this rings true (in your quiet, vulnerable moments). If so, she could just be trying to avoid an argument.

    Either way, the purpose of dating is to see how compatible you are. If sheís closed up and it drives you crazy - it will make you insane 20, 40, 60 years from now. Maybe you just arenít compatible.

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