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Long Distance Boyfriend Gone With Almost No Warning


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Hey guys.

 

I’m in a long distance relationship with someone I’ve known roughly two years, but just recently started actually getting to know better. We fit together really well, there’s no arguing, never any reason to worry.

 

We mostly communicate through an app and occasionally via text message, and we have a routine since his work schedule is extremely demanding and almost the complete opposite hours as mine. Usually I can count on getting a message from him between 9pm-2am once he’s woken up and we chat for a bit until I fall asleep.

 

The other night I didn’t hear from him and due to the recent weather I did get a little concerned and attempted to contact him several times to no avail and finally at around 4am a random message (unintelligible) popped up from him and then nothing else. Finally about an hour or so later he called my phone number and mentioned his account had been hacked and he’s gotten an email about it, but he was okay and that he was gonna delete his account and make a new one.

Everything was okay and I went back to bed and a few hours later he sent a long message saying that he wasn’t sure what was going on but a few of his family members had received phone calls from him but it wasn’t him and he’s just going to delete every account he has and change his number to try to sort this out before anything spreads further. That was the last I heard from him and that was going on three days ago.

 

I’m trying not to worry and trying to be patient because he’s never been one to use social media very often so I know he’s in no rush to create new accounts, but his phone is definitely deactivated and I have no way of contacting him.

 

A part of me is worried that maybe something major did happen and that he really is trying to sort these things out with the little time he has off, but the other part of me is wondering if maybe he just ghosted me. Nothing was wrong and he’s a very straight forward person. He isn’t the type to beat around the bush when it comes to telling people what he thinks.

 

If he had a problem with me or anything I’ve done, he would just tell me and nothing at all has hinted at him feeling any different towards me. If anything, he’s shown that he cares about me more in the past few weeks than ever.

 

I’m starting to feel angry because 3 days, no contact. But it only takes two seconds to change your phone number. Or if not that, two seconds to pick up a phone somewhere just to let me know he’s okay.

 

I don’t really know what to think.

 

I don’t have a Facebook and the last resort I have is to ask a mutual friend if his account is still there or not because he said he was going to delete that as well. But I feel like maybe that’s going too far?

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Have you ever met in person? It sounds like he was scamming or catfishing and certainly not who he claimed to be.

 

Talking about meeting made him come up with this outlandish story and disappear. If you are worried get some tech savvy friends to help you look stuff up.

We had been talking about meeting up pretty soon. Just throwing ideas out there, but nothing set in stone.
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He’s definitely who he says he is. We’ve video chatted a few times, Snapchat, etc. So he’s not a fake person. I did find his Facebook but he hasn’t been on in a while.

He also has helped me financially and always seems to be concerned/helpful/stern if I’m not taking care of myself sometimes.

 

He just doesn’t seem like the type. But I guess you never know.. He’s just far more straight forward and practical than most people I know.

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He sent you money without knowing you in person? Also, how far away does he live that in 2 years of knowing each other and then deciding to have a relationship without ever having met, there was never the time or opportunity to meet in person? Why was that never possible?

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I’m an adult. But I’ve come into hard times recently and we met two years ago and lost contact and started talking again a few months ago. He remembered the fact that I was finishing college and also working and paying all my bills on my own on minimum wage so he offered to help without me asking.

He was just being nice given the info he knew about me before.

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Why have you two never met afterwards? How far away does he live? Do you have enough information about him to consider him a boyfriend/relationship?

 

I find this whole "hacking" story fishy. It seems more like a way of cutting contact without creating drama. He probably has his "in person" life there and maybe is meeting people and didn't want to get attached to a cyber long distance relationship. But I don't know, I don't want to speculate, but it seems fishy.

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We met two years ago and became friends but had no desire to meet necessarily because it was just an online friendship. Fast forward, we didn’t talk for a good chunk of those two years until past few months and he mentioned meeting when he could take a vacation from work.

 

When he realized that we’re actually only about 5 hours away (and he typically drives 11+ hours for work) he mentioned it’d be pretty easy for him to come see me a few weekends out of the month instead of only once during his vacation time.

 

He suggested March since he would have to drive through the mountains to get here and the weather has been terrible there for him and not the best for me either. We haven’t talked about meeting in a while though. No need to since it’s not something we would be able to safely do now because of snow and stuff.

 

But yeah we never thought about meeting since we were just friends back then, plus a good bit of time of not talking just because we both got busy and parted ways naturally.

 

 

The only glimmer of hope I have right now is the fact that the day this happened was the day he was headed home from work. And he only has a day and a half at best off. And usually Fridays he sleeps almost all day since his hours are so demanding and saturdays he catches up on all of his errands he missed throughout his work week. And usually because of that we talk a little less on those two days.

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Aren't there other ways of travelling there like taking a plane? I don't know, him (and you) don't seem to be that interested in meeting in person. But yes, I'd wait a few days to see if he says something. If not, it's better to move on and date local.

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The part that is fishy is him saying his family and friends received phone calls from someone but it wasn’t him. That might only happen if someone stole his phone, not if his account was hacked. What account by the way? He says he’s going to “change every account he has”? I just feel like if something gets hacked, it’s one thing- your FB, or maybe email, but this just sounds rather fishy and suspicious. He sounds like he’s lying. Sorry to say. Find someone who wants to meet you in person. And don’t take money from strange people.

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It sounds like he never had an intention to meet and since the subject was brought up about doing so in March, he needed to come up with this story to disappear. Again, get tech savvy friends to find out what's really going on. 2 years of talking online and never meeting?

had no desire to meet necessarily because it was just an online friendship.

 

we didn’t talk for a good chunk of those two years until past few months and he mentioned meetingHe suggested March.

 

he realized that we’re actually only about 5 hours away

 

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Ok - I’m totally jumping to conclusions - but the conclusion I jump to is that he has a girlfriend.

 

When your accounts get hacked, you don’t delete them all, you change your password. Hackers are not interested in calling your friends and family (lol!). Crazed girlfriends are... It’s also totally weird (and convenient?) that you don’t talk to him much on Fridays and Saturdays? These are typical date nights. And his reason is that he is sleeping? For 24 hours? And doing groceries?

 

I know I’m kind of making up stories - but it would make more sense to me if that night you were texting him a bunch, his girlfriend figured it out, so he texted you something unintelligible to make you stop and go away. And now he’s changing/closing his accounts because she’s losing her mind.

 

It takes longer to call a phone provider to change your phone number than it does to setup a new online account... just saying...

 

Long distance stuff is hard. Especially if you’ve never met them in person. I’m sorry to say... but I don’t think you know this guy as well as you think you know him.

 

... I know all the above are guesses - and you can ignore it if you want... but IMO, my story makes much more sense than the story he’s feeding you. What he’s saying doesn’t make sense. If he wanted to be in touch, he’d find a way...

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Ok - I’m totally jumping to conclusions - but the conclusion I jump to is that he has a girlfriend.

 

When your accounts get hacked, you don’t delete them all, you change your password. Hackers are not interested in calling your friends and family (lol!). Crazed girlfriends are... It’s also totally weird (and convenient?) that you don’t talk to him much on Fridays and Saturdays? These are typical date nights. And his reason is that he is sleeping? For 24 hours? And doing groceries?

 

I know I’m kind of making up stories - but it would make more sense to me if that night you were texting him a bunch, his girlfriend figured it out, so he texted you something unintelligible to make you stop and go away. And now he’s changing/closing his accounts because she’s losing her mind.

 

It takes longer to call a phone provider to change your phone number than it does to setup a new online account... just saying...

 

Long distance stuff is hard. Especially if you’ve never met them in person. I’m sorry to say... but I don’t think you know this guy as well as you think you know him.

 

... I know all the above are guesses - and you can ignore it if you want... but IMO, my story makes much more sense than the story he’s feeding you. What he’s saying doesn’t make sense. If he wanted to be in touch, he’d find a way...

 

This might just be speculation but makes sense. Also, I find it weird that just 5 hours distance and never meeting in 2 years and deciding to be boyfriend and girlfriend without ever having met and not seeming to have any urgency in meeting and now this disappearance and the number calling friends and family. It screams red flags every where.. Maybe he just used that telephone number on the OP and other cyber affairs and as soon as the girlfriend/wife found out, he had to deactivate the number. Also if he has a wife she might have found out his money transactions to the OP. Just speculating but as I said, lots of red flags here.

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ClareDarling: Bring the focus of your attention back to yourself rather than speculating on what is going on with this guy.

 

Is this relationship the sort of relationship you would like to have? A guy who is physically far away, who has a work schedule that makes communication difficult and who poofs without explanation or provides a justification so hard to believe you have to recruit the aid of friends to check it out for verification. Seeing as you have not even met him in person yet, this isn't a relationship, it is possibly a potential relationship at best. But the odds of it turning into something worthwhile are slim based on how he has presented so far.

 

I'd say, set the bar higher for what you require from a bf and go out there and find a guy who meets or exceeds your expectations. A guy who is worthy does not give you the chance to doubt him, wonder where he is or what has happened to him. Go find a guy like that.

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When we are feeling as if we are constantly in a state of recovery, we often find ourselves attaching to people whom we normally would reject - wouldn't even know exist.

 

One of the hardest lessons in life is that there is no shortcut, no bail out. The hill that we see ahead - that hill was made by us and for us. We HAVE to climb it.

 

Go climb your hill, girl. The view gets better with every step.

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I'm sorry, Claire, but I have to agree with the others. We're really not trying to make you feel bad. It may be hard for you to see this clearly because you are in the middle of this, but we can see the red flags everywhere.

 

I agree with the person who said that it shouldn't be that easy to just drop off the face of the earth. Let's say something happened to you, god forbid. And then your BF is out looking for you. He would ask your co-workers, your parents, your friends. They wouldn't just say "well that's weird she's just gone." They would conduct searches, contact the police, use social media to spread the word, etc. It would be easy for him to find you or at least more information leading up to you.

 

Sorry.

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Ok - I’m totally jumping to conclusions - but the conclusion I jump to is that he has a girlfriend.

 

When your accounts get hacked, you don’t delete them all, you change your password. Hackers are not interested in calling your friends and family (lol!). Crazed girlfriends are... It’s also totally weird (and convenient?) that you don’t talk to him much on Fridays and Saturdays? These are typical date nights. And his reason is that he is sleeping? For 24 hours? And doing groceries?

 

I know I’m kind of making up stories - but it would make more sense to me if that night you were texting him a bunch, his girlfriend figured it out, so he texted you something unintelligible to make you stop and go away. And now he’s changing/closing his accounts because she’s losing her mind.

 

It takes longer to call a phone provider to change your phone number than it does to setup a new online account... just saying...

 

Long distance stuff is hard. Especially if you’ve never met them in person. I’m sorry to say... but I don’t think you know this guy as well as you think you know him.

 

... I know all the above are guesses - and you can ignore it if you want... but IMO, my story makes much more sense than the story he’s feeding you. What he’s saying doesn’t make sense. If he wanted to be in touch, he’d find a way...

This makes total sense!

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