So those of you who know my history know the drama I had with my ex FWB now friend.
In a nutshell he got angry at me for the most obscure reason and ‘ghosted’ me for a week ,it hurt me, a lot, and triggered abandonment issues etc. He tried to come back but knowing how much I was hurt by his actions, I knew I was way more invested than I should have been, we had been sleeping together for close to a year at that point. I told him I wasnt interested in anything less than dating and no hard feelings if he wasn’t on the same page, he said he understood and that was that, I healed and moved on.
Since we had mutual friends we still ran into each other roughly every month or so, so out of necessity ( it’s not our friends fault we crossed that line) we kinda let bygones be bygones, after a while as hurt egos faded we became close again. Before we were close but there was also sex involved which super confusing for me. So it’s been nice to have him around platonically without the emotional...confusion... we text multiple times a week, chat on the phone every now and then, I get advice from him, he gives me pep talks, I do the same.
Since I give advice here enough I kinda recognize the need to add that I recognize he’s kinda been an emotional crutch for me on multiple levels. One of our other friends asked what I was going to do once he finally started dating someone and I couldn’t really answer. No I’m not in love with him and he’s not in love with me, but I like having him there as an ear. Something about previously sleeping with someone you’re now friends with, it makes it a whole lot easier to be vulnerable about things. also won’t lie, the fact that he hasn’t gotten into a relationship or even dated anyone else, at least as far as I know, kinda keeps my ego fed. But on the flip side ignoring my own advice about finding joy in failures, I know that once he does get into a relationship, my ego is going to take a hit.
On to the event that’s led me to post:
So I’m up late and I get a text from him, not completely out of the ordinary so didn’t surprise me, it says ‘wake up’ I text back ‘ I am up’ he texts back ‘ I’m on my way over’ I text back ‘ for what?!?!’ Im under the impression he’s joking, again we haven’t slept with each other since things ended, so I end up dozing off, next thing I know I’m being woken up by the sound of my door knob jiggling, I jump up thinking someone’s either drunk and at the wrong door or is trying to break in, I yell out hello? The jiggling stops then it starts again, at the point I’m more awake and kinda put two and two together. I call him and say ‘that better not be you at my door dude’, he responds ‘it is let me in.’ I yell ‘ are you kidding me? Leave now!’ I hang up my phone and go lay back down, pretty shaken up to be honest, I’m assuming he must have been at one of our friends house drinking, my house is between our friends and his.
A few minutes after I lay down I get a barrage of texts:
BYE.
We can’t be friends anymore after this.
Don’t contact me ever again.
Obviously I didn’t respond, the whole thing really bothered me though.
So today I’m fully expecting him to text/call me to apologize because I’m assuming he was drunk.
No text, no call.
I’m pissed.
I’m not writing to ask ‘why did he do that?’ or ‘why isn’t he calling’ I already know drunk and embarrassed and/or prideful, and that’s not ok with me.
I’m writing because I’m angry and A.) I need to be walked off the ledge and B.) I think I need to cut ties from him and I need help finding the strength to do it. Also, my insecurity is rearing it’s ugly head. Due to our history again he is triggering me big time. I’m thinking I did something wrong, maybe he wasn’t drunk, logically I know I didn’t but the urge to call and yell or contact him to force an apology is strong even though I know that would be idiotic.
So come on guys knock some sense into me, this is just messy and I hate messy. I was having a perfectly uneventful and mellow weekend, I didn’t ask for tickets to the crazy train, at least I don’t think I did, I guess allowing myself to get close again would be my first class ticket huh?
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