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Thread: Tickets to the crazy train

  1. #61
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I hear the both of you.

    I guess I’m not looking at it as hurt feelings but rather hurt ego. but I think I’ve said this before, I at times have a hard time recognizing or believing my actions can hurt others. It’s not self centered I promise it’s formed from years of low self esteem, I assume without really thinking that my actions are easily brushed off by people because their level of care is so low. Again not victimizing myself, it took a counselor to point it out to me because I honestly don’t easily see it.

    You guys have given me food for though.

    As of right now I think I’m going to focus on letting everything go and whatever naturally happens, happens. I can see my actions as hurtful, but I still see his as problematic.

    Thanks guys.

  2. #62
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    I agree with this^! :)

    Often times doing nothing is the best approach.

    May sound hokey, but somehow allowing the Universe to guide the way always leads to a positive place.

    Even if that place is the end of a good friendship or relationship, that's what was supposed to happen, meant to be, and therefore positive!

    You're a beautiful person FIO, have been through a ton of shyt and overcome!

    Be proud of that, not everyone has the strength and resilience to overcome like you have!

    So again feel proud and to quote catfeeder -- head high!!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-05-2019 at 11:49 PM.

  3. #63
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Well, first consider how many sane people with reasonable self esteem would want to involve themselves with anyone who's still hanging our with their FWB, whether that stands for 'with' or 'without' benefits. So that limits YOUR potential dating pool and leaves you in some juvenile limbo where your old business keeps you stunted and focused instead on the kind of adolescent dramas you could just ... quit.
    Some friendships need to be outgrown. I guess there's some sadness to that, but ultimately it improves your life.

  4. #64
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Some friendships need to be outgrown. I guess there's some sadness to that, but ultimately it improves your life.
    Yes! Some people are best loved from far away.

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  6. #65
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I never thought about the friendship ending because, well, I dont see my friendships having an end. But I think I always knew it would change over time and that Id struggle with that.

    I had multiple dating experience since him, if he is introduced, which honestly only happened once, he was introduced as a friend, hes actually given me dating advice a few times. Again, my emotional ties to him aren't romantic. Its possible though that maybe deep down his being in my life hindered dating, I cant say for sure, I think only time will tell.
    This is high school stuff. School is the only time we are 'forced' to socialize with exes in a shared campus and unchangeable social circles. Then we outgrow that. As adults we are liberated from the messy kids stuff of playing friendzies with exes, and our potential dates are no longer limited to those parameters.

    That's why most thinking adults won't mess with anyone who's still hanging out with their ex lovers. You can introduce him as a friend, but it's deceptive not to tell a new lover that this ongoing friendship is with an ex lover. If the new guy is worth his self esteem, you won't see him again. If he's stupid enough to stick around for that, you have seen on these boards the kinds of problems that THAT will bring. It's a mess, no matter how you rationalize it, and it's the kind of mess we've all told people to walk away from for good reason.

    Either you're done with old business or you're not. If not, you're not dating material. You get to pick, but trying to have it both ways isn't exactly going to expand your dating pool to include anyone who's on the ball enough to keep.

  7. #66
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I hear ya Cat. Food for thought. Thanks.

  8. #67
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    UPDATE TIME!

    So this happened Friday but I've been lazy and haven't felt like sitting down to write it all down, its not a particularly exciting update.

    So, we had our outing, he was there but it wasn't weird, he didnt really interact with me and vis versa, the night was pretty normal, eventually he sits by me and asks if I want to talk

    I tell him "there isn't really anything to talk about, you acted disrespectful to me and I didnt deserve it and you never bothered apologizing."

    I didnt mention knowing I was blocked, but I had an attitude.

    He sits there for a bit,looking aggravated, in my opinion, he fidgets a little, then finally looks at me and says "I'm sorry" , its genuine. He is not an apology guy.

    I tell him "thank you."

    We hug. Act normal the rest of the night.

    The next morning he texts me something funny as if everything was back to normal, but guys, it isn't to me, it doesn't feel the same to me, I feel like a boundary was broke and It pisses me off. So I text back that I need some space from him for a bit, he texts back I thought we were good, I tell him we are, but you're screwing with my peace and I worked hard to get peace and I cant have you interrupting that and I know you understand. he texts back that he does he apologized again and we havent spoken since.

    Im ok with it all right now.

    I dont know maybe Im being too extreme, maybe not, its not an elephant thats suffocating me, its a baby elephant thats pretty docile and sits quietly in the corner, I know its there but Im able to ignore it and just enjoy the stillness.

    I dont want to lose him, but I have to figure out how he fits into my life, if at all.

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