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Thread: Tickets to the crazy train

  1. #51
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    After all you did ask him why he wanted to come over an instead of responding he decided to just help himself into your home in the middle of the night.


    I edited and added this to my last response.

    Hang in there.

  2. #52
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    So I guess my impulsive reaction was "jerk" because to me you don't block someone on Facebook like that without warning - why would you want the person to find out by surprise if you were a mature, reasonable person? It's not like he had to for safety reasons or because she was harassing him, etc. She did nothing wrong -he was just disappointed/upset that she didn't let him into her home in that situation. I don't think he handled those feelings in a mature way.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I had a minor disagreement with friend several years ago. She chose to (impulsively, I think) de-friend and block me on FB over it.
    Sorry, but the disagreement didn't warrant that and through another friend she wonders why I haven't attempted to reach out. Huh?
    For me, there isn't any coming back from doing something that childish and dramatic. This just isn't the type of friend I need in my life.

    Was I disappointed? Yes. Very much so. But my feelings on how it played out in the end haven't changed.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Honestly, I'd be like... a quarter tempted to consider giving him a pass after he had shown up in the middle of the night uninvited, banging on your door, shaking the knob trying to open it, and even for his overreaction afterward if a few days later he'd realized he was a genuine buffoon and apologized. Rather, he doubles down and blocks you? Ooooooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy yy

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you FIO because you're hurt. I find it helpful to throw some practicality into my emotional events to check them. In this case, play out in your mind how, exactly, you would hope for this relationship to end. Maybe some bittersweet parting when one of you finds another lover and wants to get serious with them?

    Well, first consider how many sane people with reasonable self esteem would want to involve themselves with anyone who's still hanging our with their FWB, whether that stands for 'with' or 'without' benefits. So that limits YOUR potential dating pool and leaves you in some juvenile limbo where your old business keeps you stunted and focused instead on the kind of adolescent dramas you could just ... quit.

    Rather than analyze who's right or wrong in this scenario, consider instead WHAT is right for YOU to do. Cater to the entitlement of some guy who's not going to give you what you want and deserve, or 'next' him, and move your focus forward onto learning how your future can open up and move you onto higher ground with friends and potential lovers who value the person you will liberate yourself to become.

    Head high, and don't dwell too long or hard on the wrong road to be traveling in the first place.

  7. #56
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My heart goes out to you FIO because you're hurt. I find it helpful to throw some practicality into my emotional events to check them. In this case, play out in your mind how, exactly, you would hope for this relationship to end. Maybe some bittersweet parting when one of you finds another lover and wants to get serious with them?

    Well, first consider how many sane people with reasonable self esteem would want to involve themselves with anyone who's still hanging our with their FWB, whether that stands for 'with' or 'without' benefits. So that limits YOUR potential dating pool and leaves you in some juvenile limbo where your old business keeps you stunted and focused instead on the kind of adolescent dramas you could just ... quit.

    Rather than analyze who's right or wrong in this scenario, consider instead WHAT is right for YOU to do. Cater to the entitlement of some guy who's not going to give you what you want and deserve, or 'next' him, and move your focus forward onto learning how your future can open up and move you onto higher ground with friends and potential lovers who value the person you will liberate yourself to become.

    Head high, and don't dwell too long or hard on the wrong road to be traveling in the first place.
    Thank you Cat

    I never thought about the friendship ending because, well, I dont see my friendships having an end. But I think I always knew it would change over time and that Id struggle with that.

    I had multiple dating experience since him, if he is introduced, which honestly only happened once, he was introduced as a friend, hes actually given me dating advice a few times. Again, my emotional ties to him aren't romantic. Its possible though that maybe deep down his being in my life hindered dating, I cant say for sure, I think only time will tell.

    Im definitely going to attempt to not analyze this anymore. I know I am not wrong for having basic boundaries, so reaching this point of clarity leaves me in peace.

    I am going to try very hard not to dwell, I will move forward, one day at a time.

  8. #57
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    Fair enough FIO but just to clarify.

    I don't think he's so much hurt that you did not let him in.

    Under the circumstances (he's drunk, late at night) you were justified, you have boundaries and you were exercising one of them.

    What I think hurt him, and jmo without knowing him (and hearing his side which you've acknowledged on other threads is important to get the full picture) was the way in which you did not let him in.

    By screaming out "go away!" forgetting that he was (at the time anyway) a good friend.

    Had you calmly spoken with him through the door and told him it was late, he's drunk, and you don't feel comfortable letting him in and asking him if everything was okay (was he ill or something?) , again jmo but I don't think he would have been quite as hurt.

    I could be wrong!

    I wasn't there, and obviously you know him better than I, I'm simply playing devils advocate and trying to understand what he may have been feeling at that moment. Even while I acknowledge the way he behaved that night and perhaps even now was/is wrong and jerky!

    So that you can both reach a place of peace and understanding and move on from this friendship with a semblance of positive feelings.

    Versus feeling bitter and negative which eats you away and serves no good purpose. Especially in light of the fact you're part of the same social circle.

    Anyway, peace and love and i'm sorry this happened and you're hurt. :)
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-05-2019 at 10:44 PM.

  9. #58
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Fair enough FIO but just to clarify.

    I don't think he's so much hurt that you did not let him in.

    Under the circumstances (he's drunk, late at night) you were justified, you have boundaries and you were exercising one of them.

    What I think hurt him, and jmo without knowing him (and hearing his side which you've acknowledged on other threads is important to get the full picture) was the way in which you did not let him in.

    By screaming out "go away!" forgetting that he was (at the time anyway) a good friend.

    Had you calmly spoken with him through the door and told him it was late, he's drunk, and you don't feel comfortable letting him in and asking him if everything was okay (was he ill or something?) , again jmo but I don't think he would have been quite as hurt.

    I could be wrong!

    I wasn't there, and obviously you know him better than I, I'm simply playing devils advocate and trying to understand what he may have been feeling at that moment. Even while I acknowledge the way he behaved that night and perhaps even now was/is wrong and jerky!

    So that you can both reach a place of peace and understanding and move on from this friendship with a semblance of positive feelings.

    Versus feeling bitter and negative which eats you away and serves no good purpose. Especially in light of the fact you're part of the same social circle.

    Anyway, peace and love and i'm sorry this happened and you're hurt. :)
    I agree with this. You were justified, but he’s allowed to be hurt too.

    And, FWIW, anyone can block anyone - for anything. We say on this forum all the time that relationships are optional. Same goes for friendships. He can terminate over whatever he wants.

    I think both of you are hurt. And both of you have reasons to be hurt.

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs

    I think both of you are hurt. And both of you have reasons to be hurt.
    Totally agree.

    Hopefully when things calm down you will have an opp to talk.

    You can say your peace and he can say his.

    Reach an understanding and both be at peace with this.

    Hope so anyway!

  11. #60
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    With every action there is a reaction, and then a reaction to that reaction, lather, rinse, repeat.

    His poor actions that night (banging on door drunk) caused a negative reaction from you (go away!) in his eyes, in turn caused a negative reaction from him (blocking you) in your eyes, now a reaction from you (hurt that he blocked you).

    Again, I hope soon you will have an opp to talk!

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