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Thread: Tickets to the crazy train

  1. #41
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    Clearly he is hurt FIO.

    Wrong or right, he's hurt.

    I mean isn't that why people block?

    The person has hurt them and they're hurt and angry?

    Is it rational?

    Probably not.

    How about try seeing things from his side.. All you're doing is focusing on your feelings but not considering his. How HE might be feeling.

    You're assuming he stopped by late because he wanted sex.

    Even though you were just good friends and have been for years, you assumed he wanted sex and freaked..

    What if that wasn't the reason?

    In his eyes, you screamed "go away" and refused to let him in.

    Again, right or wrong, that hurt him!

    So he ended the friendship and blocked you.

    Now you're hurt and angry!

    Yes this is crazy! Arghh.

    Somehow you guys need to talk and clear the air.

  2. #42
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    Everyone is vilifyiing this guy, he's immature, crazy, etc.

    I luv ya FIO, you know that, but he may be thinking you screaming out "go away!" was immature and crazy.

    Remember, even according to you, this was a man whom you've been good friends with for years.

    I'm not saying you had to let him in. But was the "go away!!" necessary?

    You could have spoken with him across the door (rationally) and found out what was going on.

    I'm not blaming or accusing you of anything, I promise.

    Again just trying to see the other side and how he might be feeling and why he's so hurt and angry, and blocked you.

    As irrational and crazy as that might be in your (and others) eyes.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I stand by what I said before. Whether he's hurt or not, there is history behind why you feared letting him in. You don't trust his intentions, and at the end of the day, it means the two of you cannot be friends. I understand why you maintained civility for the sake of the group, and I would continue to do so (if possible) but there is zero reason for you to chase him for an explanation or (barf) apologize to him for not letting him in the middle of the night when he showed up to your house sh*t-faced without warning. As a person who has been sexually assaulted and had many other near encounters with men I thought I could trust, I wouldn't have rolled those dice either!

    At some point, one needs to ask if his feelings really matter? He clearly doesn't care about yours because he blocked you on social media without saying a word. Yes, immaturity can breed immaturity, but from my perspective, the friendship needs to be left dead.

  4. #44
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    Sorry if it seems like I am heaping it on, but something else I am not quite understanding.

    You've admitted yourself you want to walk away from this friendship cause you don't trust him.. Which is why you did not let him in.

    Fair enough!

    Clearly he feels the same, and blocked you.

    Is that not what you and others advise others to do as well when they want to move on, from a relationship or friendship?

    So why is the fact he blocked you bothering you so much? Why is that immature?

    After telling you via text he no longer wished to be friends (which is what you want too), he did what was best for him and blocked, which again is what you advise others to do.

    You've advised others to check their ego, are you sure that's not what happening here? The reason you are so bothered by this?

    Not accusing, just asking.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-05-2019 at 11:29 AM.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    I stand by what I said before. Whether he's hurt or not, there is history behind why you feared letting him in. You don't trust his intentions, and at the end of the day, it means the two of you cannot be friends. I understand why you maintained civility for the sake of the group, and I would continue to do so (if possible) but there is zero reason for you to chase him for an explanation or (barf) apologize to him for not letting him in the middle of the night when he showed up to your house sh*t-faced without warning. As a person who has been sexually assaulted and had many other near encounters with men I thought I could trust, I wouldn't have rolled those dice either!

    At some point, one needs to ask if his feelings really matter? He clearly doesn't care about yours because he blocked you on social media without saying a word.

    Yes, immaturity can breed immaturity, but from my perspective, the friendship needs to be left dead.
    You are forgetting he texted her ending the friendship.

    He did not just block her without saying a word.

    I do agree this friendship is over though, for both of them.

    There is no trust on either side.

    I'm sorry FIO. :(
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-05-2019 at 11:47 AM.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Agreed with Kat. Iím not surprised FIO is blocked - I said a few pages back that not answering the door for a supposed good friend is a friendship kiss of death

  8. #47
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Nah, showing up at my door after texting youíre coming over but not saying the reason why was the kiss of death.

    I didnít do anything so I broke no ones trust. Iím allowed to have boundaries, he broke them expecting me to just let him in without any prior explanation given our history.

    FWIW, I have mellowed our quite a bit about the whole thing. I spoke to another male friend who isnít friends with him and he pointed out a pattern, he throws a fit any time he perceives me as rejecting him. Mind you, he rejected me to begin with when I wanted to make things serious. I fully accepted he was not on the same page. Forgave him for his disappearing act in the past and let bygones be bygones and moved on, it took months but I did it. It seems heís perfectly fine with the status quo as long as he feels he has the emotional upper hand. i.e. ĎI turned her done..í and the second he feels any kinda of rejection, he pulls away. Thatís not a friend. So the only conclusion I can make is he wasnít as good a friend to me as I was to him. And Iím not victimiing myself I promise Iím not, itís honestly a hard pill to swallow to recognize you were not as important in someoneís life as you thought you were, Iím not pittying myself, Iím attempting to give myself a dose of reality about this whole situation. The most logical conclusion is he tried to drunkenly get laid I told him no he had an extreme reaction to perceived rejection and now Iím paying the emotional price for drama I wanted no part of.

    Itís childish, itís mean, itís selfish and itís illogical.

    This whole thing hurts me a lot. But I cannot and will not allow myself to take responsibility for his lack of communication. If he needed a friend that night he should have said so. I would have opened my door with open arms, had it been a female or male friend who i did not previously sleep with again probably would have been more open but the reality is we have history and you scaring the living sh** out of me in the middle of the night jiggling my door handle like youíre a burglar I donít think Iím wrong for saying Ďleaveí

  9. #48
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Me thinks you'll hear from him again.

    And yes, he might have been a friend but based on your history he does not deserve that type of no boundary/instant access to you at any time-kinda friendship. Not many do, especially not this one.

    He needs to check himself.

    Besides, what if you had a man in your bed? For that matter, you wouldn't have answered the door for your own mother.
    He seems pretty entitled about you. But I think you'll agree that you created part of this.

    Shake it off. A real friend doesn't behave this way. Of all people, you know that.

    Can you help yourself to him at 1 a.m. without an explanation and without any backlash?
    After all you did ask him why he wanted to come over an instead of responding he decided to just help himself into your home in the middle of the night.

    Would you feel entitled to be all b*tt hurt and end the friendship if the situation was reversed? Just curious.
    I am going to guess there is a double standard in this friendship.

    It's ok to be disappointed. But don't second guess yourself.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 02-05-2019 at 06:54 PM.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Sorry if it seems like I am heaping it on, but something else I am not quite understanding.

    You've admitted yourself you want to walk away from this friendship cause you don't trust him.. Which is why you did not let him in.

    Fair enough!

    Clearly he feels the same, and blocked you.

    Is that not what you and others advise others to do as well when they want to move on, from a relationship or friendship?

    So why is the fact he blocked you bothering you so much? Why is that immature?

    After telling you via text he no longer wished to be friends (which is what you want too), he did what was best for him and blocked, which again is what you advise others to do.

    You've advised others to check their ego, are you sure that's not what happening here? The reason you are so bothered by this?

    Not accusing, just asking.
    Because Kat at the end of the day, I didn't do anything.

    So hes blocking me because hes butthurt?Because his ego got bruised? Because he thought I should have been there when I wasnt? How is that anything but immature? Speak!

    IF and this is a HUGE if, IF I hurt him because he needed a friend you talk to your friend and explain that. He is not practicing self preservation. Again, I did nothing to be preserved from, I am not practicing unhealthy habits and breakin boundaries. My desire to end the friendship is completely about self preservation because Im not being given basic respect.

    I dont think I said I dont trust him, correct me if Im wrong I admit I can be. To me you can know someone has intentions that arent good and be smart enough to not engage.

    He has no reason to not trust me, again, I did nothing.

    I'm definitely having to check my ego here. No question. Im hurt, no question. I posted my raw emotions at the moment and have since been walked off the edge.

    At the end of the day though, I do not think he is justified with any of his actions and I feel I need to pull up my big girl pants and disengage.

  11. #50
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Me thinks you'll hear from him again.

    And yes, he might have been a friend but based on your history he does not deserve that type of no boundary/instant access to you at any time-kinda friendship. Not many do, especially not this one.

    He needs to check himself.

    Besides, what if you had a man in your bed? For that matter, you wouldn't have answered the door for your own mother.
    He seems pretty entitled about you. But I think you'll agree that you created part of this.

    Shake it off. A real friend doesn't behave this way. Of all people, you know that.

    Can you help yourself to him at 1 a.m. without any backlash?
    And would you feel entitled to be all b*tt hurt and end the friendship over it? Just curious.
    I am going to guess there is a double standard in this friendship.

    It's ok to be disappointed. But don't second guess yourself.
    Thank you reinvent, you cemented what I just previously said.

    It does seem I gave him an impression of entitlement and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I will live and learn.

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