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Thread: Tickets to the crazy train

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't agree- he could have texted what the emergency was for sure. And no I would never let a friend in whatever gender -a female is more vulnerable of course and I would let her in if I heard something like her trying to get away from someone etc but anyone can text if they can bang on your door or call out one word like "help" -I am like figureitout as long as I have the information that it's an emergency.
    I only said it was a possibility -- we all don't act/react the same when drinking, drunk, in trouble, scared, etc.

    My confusuion is they have been "friends" for a long time after FWB relationship ended, so I would imagine there was some level of trust and if not why continue the friendship until something like this happens?

    Where he is banging on her door in the middle of the night and she fears for her safety?

    His reaction seems over the top too.

    I dunno I guess this is why FIO entitled the thread "tickets to the crazy train"!

    It sure sounds crazy!

    But to FiO, I support your decision, you've got a good head on your shoulders, I wasn't there so you know best.

    I hope you're okay. ;)
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-03-2019 at 11:03 AM.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I hear you MLD and Kat, the reason I reacted he way I did is because it was that off the wall crazy. He has never done anything even close to this before. Had he texted me, ď hey I canít make it all the way home can I crash?Ē Iíd respond Ďsure Iíll unlook the door and grab some blankets for you to sleep on the couch.í And I wouldnít expect any ulterior motives, Male or female. Had he said, Ďhey I need to talk í Iíd be super irritated but Iíd let him in again not expecting any ulterior motives. The dude is verbal! Lmao, if he can text that heís on his way he can text the reason. mind you I responded Ďwhat for?!?í I never got an answer.

    Also and this is the biggest crux of all this because we have history,I feel, and I could be completely wrong, I feel my boundaries need to be stronger as to not confuse anything.Im far from an expert on navigating life, writing it out it seems kinda like an exersize in futility and itís just too much to salvage.

    To those saying well he ended the friendship first, I agree that it gives me a drama free out, but we have mutual friends so unless thereís more drama in the form of creating a friendship custody list completely taking me out of his life via text is a non starter.

    And that does hurt. Heís a part of my life for a while now so to text something so mean, itís out of the ordinary and extreme so itís kinda the boy who cried wolf ya know? Iím finding it hard to see him ending our friendship over showing up at my door...

    For the person who said he has a drug use or alcohol problem, he doesnít, that would be an easy explanation but nope, you guys know how I say we all have baggage itís all about how we manage it, for the most part he manages it but, I guess this would be the third time in three years heís had an extreme reaction towards me. The first was when he ghosted me for a week, no wait that was second the first would be when I didnít answer the door before, when we still slept together, I knew he was stopping by but I fell asleep, which is why I always unlock the door if I know I have company. He ignored me for a day, then called the next day and apologized and said he was in his feelings, so who knows maybe thatís a trigger for him, he had been through a lot, as have I, thats a big reason why I appreciate having him as a friend sometimes you donít want to burden your Ďnormal friendsí when the dark and twisty sh*t youíve been through comes up and you need to get it out, not kidding besides this board and him no one else currently in my life knows about any of the abuse I went through and itís not like I talk about it all the time, but he understands some of my reactions to things of that makes any sense, if I flinch or have a short temper about a certain subject, he gets it, heís been there as a sounding board and Iíve been the same for him, So when I say my connection to him is no longer romantic I mean it, but the connection is still incredibly strong so itís going to be hard, but I think yíall are right and for my own sanity, I have to choose me.

    Thanks guys.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 02-03-2019 at 12:07 PM.

  3. #23
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    His actions don't make sense to me. Banging on your door late at night, and then texting to tell you your friendship is over. Both of these actions scream "over the top", massive attention-needing. And I agree with those who said if it was a true emergency, he should have said, "FIO, please open, it's an emergency" and/or texted similar. He did not.

    I tried to put myself in your shoes with my now ex, who I do still hear of occasionally, as we, too, have mutual friends. We have spoken on the phone a few times over the last several months, and the feelings are mutually respectful. However, if he came to my house like that, pounding on the door, I honestly would call the police. I'm not kidding. He's never shown one iota of a violent streak, but are you kidding me? You bet I'd have my phone on 911. So I do not blame you one bit for calling this the "crazy train".

    You will find out, through your mutual friends, what his "emergency" was about, as it will leak out to you. I know we always say "Strict NC", but it is almost impossible when you have mutual friends, so I feel for you there.

    Stay strong, my friend. You got this.

  4. #24
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    Ok FIO thanks for clarifying, this all sounds very painful for you, I'm sorry ((hugs)).

    Give it some time, I think once again he was "in his feelings" and over-reacted.

    When things calm down, talk.

    Clear the air, define mutual boundaries.

    Perhaps you can resume the friendship, perhaps not.

    But at the very least hopefully you can maintain some civility and respect for each other being you have mutual friends and move in the same circle.

    Best of luck, please keep us posted!

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I only said it was a possibility -- we all don't act/react the same when drinking, drunk, in trouble, scared, etc.

    My confusuion is they have been "friends" for a long time after FWB relationship ended, so I would imagine there was some level of trust and if not why continue the friendship until something like this happens?

    Where he is banging on her door in the middle of the night and she fears for her safety?

    His reaction seems over the top too.

    I dunno I guess this is why FIO entitled the thread "tickets to the crazy train"!

    It sure sounds crazy!

    But to FiO, I support your decision, you've got a good head on your shoulders, I wasn't there so you know best.

    I hope you're okay. ;)
    Never said people did. In this particular situation I do not think he communicated in any way that this was an emergency. And my personal boundary would be that the person would have to communicate that it was an emergency. I'm not letting a person who chose to get drunk into my home unless there is also an emergency - meaning the person is about to be a crime victim, etc. I would call a car service for the person or do something else other than letting the person into my home. That's also because I'm a mom with a child in the home so there's an extra safety concern.

    In her situation I would fear for my safety because of how it all unfolded.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Never said people did. In this particular situation I do not think he communicated in any way that this was an emergency. And my personal boundary would be that the person would have to communicate that it was an emergency. I'm not letting a person who chose to get drunk into my home unless there is also an emergency - meaning the person is about to be a crime victim, etc. I would call a car service for the person or do something else other than letting the person into my home. That's also because I'm a mom with a child in the home so there's an extra safety concern.
    Right, anyone, male or female, better be d*mn clear if they're pounding on my door at any time, much less midnight. I have a female neighbor that I've distanced myself from because she'd do things like this. We are down to emails only, as I will not open the door for anyone without a clear reason.

    His subsequent text is what a 9 year-old would do. Wah wah wah, you didn't open the door when I pounded, I'm done with our friendship. You know what buddy? You're blocked now, so yeah, friendship: over.

    You may find, FIO, though, in weeks/months to come, that he realizes what an OTT reaction he had, and he may very well come back around, and you might even resume the friendship. There will be no judgment from me if you do. I'd certainly hope that he realizes this.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Thanks guys

    Yep, I halfway expected texts and calls from friends yesterday and I think I would have had it been a real emergency.

    So Iím sure if somethings going on I will hear about it soon.

    If he was just drunkenly trying to get in my pants which Iím like 95% sure was the case. Iím not going to spread it to everyone, seems kinda mean to do, so unless he tells people, which I donít think he will, he very often portrays himself as wise and mature, which I think he is, but he hides the broken parts of himself incredibly well. So if he doesnít say anything and I donít say anything, itís going to be weird.

    I will absolutely keep everyone updated.

    Thanks again.

  9. #28
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    I'm not disagreeing with you Bat, was just offering a different perspective without being there or knowing their full history.

    If I had a good friend who seemed panicked knocking on my door, at whatever time, I would let her in. And have.

    And she appreciated it -- she had just had a huge fight with her bf who had just hit her (while at a club), and she wasn't in her right frame of mind to text or behave rationally. I lived close to the club so she ran over.

    Anyway, FIO has clarified and I get it. I understand and it makes sense!!

    FIO, you did not trust his motives and did the right thing at the time.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 02-03-2019 at 01:06 PM.

  10. #29
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    Yeeeah, I gotta say, I'm pretty chill when it comes to most things. You come to my place uninvited banging on the door, rattling my doorknob not once but repeatedly... sorry guy or lady, unless you got men in white hoods chasing after you, there's not an excuse in the world, inebriated or not, which would persuade me to allow you in arms reach again. As a gunowner, granted with a wife to look out for aside from just myself, dude would have been very lucky the lock did its job. That's just something you don't do.

    I understand the years of history and friendship, and it's not without sympathy for what it must feel like to lose it, but sometimes it really does just take one time of something that bad to ruin it. Good to see you're making the best decision for you.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I'm not disagreeing with you Bat, was just offering a different perspective without being there or knowing their full history.

    If I had a good friend who seemed panicked knocking on my door, at whatever time, I would let her in. And have.

    And she appreciated it -- she had just had a huge fight with her bf who had just hit her (while at a club), and she wasn't in her right frame of mind to text or behave rationally. I lived close to the club so she ran over.

    Anyway, FIO has clarified and I get it. I understand and it makes sense!!

    FIO, you did not trust his motives and did the right thing at the time.
    Yes and that was not this situation at all. Panicked/knocking at the door I would ask through the door what was going on because I would need to know what was happening - perhaps there was someone else there or who could come in, etc. I would be very angry if that was done to me in the middle of the night with no notice unless it was a life and death emergency. Certainly if I were in a situation like yours living alone and right near a club then I would know it was a possibility so it wouldn't be a shock. I don't think letting someone into your home or not in a non-emergency situation makes a person a better or worse friend - often there are perfectly acceptable alternatives that are just as helpful and caring.

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