Tickets to the crazy train

[figureitout23]

@jman - right?!?! Completely creepy and something he’s never done in the almost 3 years I’ve known him. The only thing I can think is he was indeed drunk and I leave my door unlocked if I know I’m having company so maybe he expected it to be unlocked.

@kat I do love him. He’s been a friend to me for years now and I value his presence in my life, but I’m not in love with him. Our friendship is weird, I admit, but maybe it’s because you can’t put the genie back in the bottle once clothes come off. So now I am going to have to make a decision about his place in my life.

@mustlovedogs I was deffinetely asserting my power, but no part of me wanted to let him in. I wouldn’t have crossed that line with him and I feel like if he were seriously in trouble he would have expressed that. Like a said a small part of me does wonder if he needed to talk but truthfully I think he would have just said it.

@bat yeah no bueno. I’m there for my friends day or night rain or shine but give me a heads up.

[Hollyj]

On some level you don't trust his intentions, which is why I think you turned him away. Fair. You're relationship is confusing and he overstepped a boundary. I think you asserted yourself appropriately (and wonderfully, I might add). He was the drunk one who decided to just show up at your house without an invite, so it is 100% on him to explain and/or apologize. My first guess would be that he wanted a booty call and figured you'd be game, and his ego is bruised.

In my opinion, he can just deal with that. You offered a relationship, he declined, and you had the decency to stay friends with the man. If he's not going to respect you or care about your feelings, it might be time to retract that friendship.

Agree...

I think that this is what you needed to make the step.

"B.) I think I need to cut ties from him and I need help finding the strength to do it. Also, my insecurity is rearing it’s ugly head. Due to our history again he is triggering me big time." This is not good!

[catfeeder]

I think I need to cut ties from him and I need help finding the strength to do it.

Wul, how about someone saying, 'We can't be friends anymore, don't ever contact me again"?

That's pretty much all I'd need for the perfect flight off of the guy's radar--for good and without a word.

If you think he doesn't mean it, then why not disabuse yourself of people who don't mean what they say?

You already want to break ties with this guy, anyway, so why not let these chips fall in perfect order where HE gets to be the raving idiot, and you get to keep your dignity by staying silent and planning your next steps toward finding new friends who aren't drunk and stupid?

You get to decide when to outgrow forgiveness for lame frat boy stuff. There's no time like the present!

Head high, you can do this. You'll thank yourself later.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. He solved the problem for you. You don't need "friends" like this with zero boundaries, zero respect and apparently zero to offer. This is sheer nonsense, chaos and drama. Who needs this crap? Now you can block and delete him from all your social media, messaging apps and life.. Never let an intoxicated angry person into your home anyway. Total craziness. Don't be manipulated by that infantile text/guilt trip.

A few minutes after I lay down I get a barrage of texts:
BYE.
We can’t be friends anymore after this.
Don’t contact me ever again.

[katrina1980]

Mustlovedogs that’s where my second guessing myself is coming in. What if he wasn’t drunk and actually needed to talk, but then why not just say that?

Like Sera said, kinda obvious what he was after, which he wouldn’t attempt sober, which is why I’m assuming he was drunk.

I’m like 80% sure he was trying to get laid. But that other 20 is causing me to overthink which I HATE! ugh.

Yep think it’s time to end the friendship.

Another spin, but perhaps he was really drunk (could not drive) or sick, or in some sort of trouble, and needed a place to crash?

If he were a she (a female friend), would you refuse to let her in, in the way that you had? Screaming "go away"!

You said you're friends at the very least, or had been friends, is this not what friends are for?

I'd be very hurt and upset if a friend had done that to me.

But I get it and this is where the lines between male/female "friendships" get blurred imo and why I don't have many male friends, especially if/when we had a prior sexual relationship.

[Annia]

As someone who truly appreciates you and your insight around here, I'd like to thank him for sparing you the trouble (well... at least as much as he could after the initial event).

I've acted plenty a mess while drunk before, but that is absolutely nuts to show up at a woman's place uninvited, regardless of whether he'd announced. And rattling your door knob trying to get in? That's some horror movie **** right there-- and if not that, at the very least stalker-ex Lifetime movie material. That would trigger anyone.

In short, f*ck that guy.

I agree, what the hell, I'd be terrified. It's good he has the self awareness now to realise you can't be friends after this mess.

[Batya33]

Another spin, but perhaps he was really drunk (could not drive) or sick, or in some sort of trouble, and needed a place to crash?

If he were a she (a female friend), would you refuse to let her in, in the way that you had? Screaming "go away"!

You said you're friends at the very least, or had been friends, is this not what friends are for?

I'd be very hurt and upset if a friend had done that to me.

But I get it and this is where the lines between male/female "friendships" get blurred imo and why I don't have many male friends, especially if/when we had a prior sexual relationship.

I don't agree- he could have texted what the emergency was for sure. And no I would never let a friend in whatever gender -a female is more vulnerable of course and I would let her in if I heard something like her trying to get away from someone etc but anyone can text if they can bang on your door or call out one word like "help" -I am like figureitout as long as I have the information that it's an emergency.

[Jibralta]

Excellent. He solved the problem for you. You don't need "friends" like this with zero boundaries, zero respect and apparently zero to offer. This is sheer nonsense, chaos and drama. Who needs this crap? Now you can block and delete him from all your social media, messaging apps and life.. Never let an intoxicated angry person into your home anyway. Total craziness. Don't be manipulated by that infantile text/guilt trip.

Seriously.

I think you did the right thing.

[catfeeder]

Another spin, but perhaps he was really drunk (could not drive) or sick, or in some sort of trouble, and needed a place to crash?

If he were a she (a female friend), would you refuse to let her in, in the way that you had? Screaming "go away"!

You said you're friends at the very least, or had been friends, is this not what friends are for?

I'd be very hurt and upset if a friend had done that to me.

I disagree. In an emergency, the first thing you tell someone when waking them up is that it's an emergency.

He was capable of texting, so he was capable of asking permission to come over.

If you want to hang onto this guy for the sake of creating more useless drama, you can do that--it's not against the law. You're just missing the opportunity to walk away gracefully with your focus FORward instead of playing out a mess of your own making.

[itsallgrand]

You did the right thing. He was behaving like someone deranged. It would be foolish to let someone in that mindset into the house!
Right from the get go, it was so rude. "Wake up". How about F off?! 😧

Does he have a history of drug and/or alcohol problems? That's what I was thinking reading this.... he acted like hard core substance abuse users and alcoholics do.

Sorry it happened and I hope you feel better today. That would rattle anybody, it's just not normal behaviour.