Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: Friend Wants Me to Babysit

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,542
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by shygirl1986
    I guess I fell as if I should be babysitting once in awhile for her since I work with children as a profession. I don't know, I don't mind but not if it comes to work or plans.
    I know plenty of hair stylists who don't perform haircuts on their free time, nurses who don't offer in-home care on their free time, tax experts and plumbers and lawyers and therapists who don't offer services outside of their work hours--much less for free.

    Skip self imposing guilt based on someone else's misguided assumptions about what she's 'owed' from others. Being kind doesn't mean being a doormat, and it also doesn't mean accepting friends who would run an agenda on you.

    People pleasers don't tend to be happy people. They're always at the mercy of real or imagined opinions of others about them. I'd make liberating myself from that position as a priority life skill to adopt. From there you'll only have room in your life for friends and potential friends with the maturity to accept and RESPECT the boundaries of others.

    Head high.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,130
    Originally Posted by shygirl1986
    She kind of acts distant and doesn't talk to me too much as if I should be offering to babysit once in awhile which I probably should be.
    So what? I'm sure you've got other friends. Let her get over it, assuming you're not in fact over-attributing.

    Her scaling back her texts or not meeting up that weekend for coffee is hardly imposing upon you, and I don't see any evidence she actually does feel you should babysit her kid. Try not to assume the worst, especially when it's inconsequential.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,130
    Also take into account that not every parent out there is trying to dump their kid onto any soul and able body who will take them. While I know you're not inclined to babysit, nor should you if you don't want to, I still might consider it a compliment rather than a slight that she'd trust you enough to take charge of her child.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,340
    Gender
    Female
    Why do you feel guilty?

    Maybe, you see that your friend needs help and you don't feel like helping when she is in a jam. Friends help each other, its one of the ways we show affection for our friends.

    If you can't bring yourself to help that way, maybe you will feel better by cooking something for them, or doing a grocery store run so the mom can sit still in between child's naps instead of squeezing in an errand.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,177
    Gender
    Female
    She's an adult and if she can't come up with a solution of who will watch her child when needed, that's her problem, not yours. I was a military wife when my kids were young. I traded babysitting hours with other military mothers on the base. I also joined a Mommy and Me group where that could've been another source of trading babysitter hours with other mothers, but I never used that opportunity. She could create opportunities to meet other mothers who have the same babysitting needs as her, if it's that important to her.

    The only time a friend should be distant is if it's warranted, and in this case, you haven't done anything wrong. If you babysit once, it might become an uncomfortable pattern of this request from her. I have a friend who is good at manipulating people into doing things for her. You have to learn how to handle this type of friend by not giving in to requests you're not comfortable with. If she pouts, gets angry, or ignores you because of it, it's time to do your own distancing.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,125
    I wonder if what you perceive as her being distant is not at intential on her part, if she's just busy with trying to juggle all the things she needs to do? Single moms don't generally have a lot of spare time?

    I think you need to drop this sense of obligation you feel. Of course you aren't obligated ! Help when/if you wish to, don't when you can't or simply don't wish to.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,340
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I wonder if what you perceive as her being distant is not at intential on her part, if she's just busy with trying to juggle all the things she needs to do? Single moms don't generally have a lot of spare time?

    I think you need to drop this sense of obligation you feel. Of course you aren't obligated ! Help when/if you wish to, don't when you can't or simply don't wish to.
    This. ^^^

    When I perceived my friends wanted adult time and my kids were little, I left those friends alone until I could deliver. Mostly, I just lost my friends. I didn't mean to; I just had no time or brain space to commit to adult time with any regularity.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    145
    You need to always enforce healthy boundaries with friends and all people in your life. Your friend is taking advantage of you. A real friend doesn't use others for their convenience. You need to discuss this with her and if she refuses to respect boundaries with you, then you decide if you wish to keep her as your friend or not. Either you're a doormat or speak up to change the dynamic or you'll know if the friendship should end because there are "strings attached" to your friendship in other words: conditions.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •